Today has left me feeling exhausted.
I'm tired of drama, and expectations.
I'm tired of feeling as though I'm working and working and working and still not getting anywhere.
I'm tired of second guessing myself.
I'm tired of being unsure about what I want for myself, and how to get it.
I'm tired of waiting for things I want RIGHT NOW.
I'm tired of the mundane, the everyday.
I'm tired of thinking too much.
I'm tired. Full stop.
It's been said a thousand times before, about how nice it would be to step back in time to when things were simpler. To when we could look at things without being cynical, or sarcastic. To when there was barely a thought into the future at all; when we lived for the moment, and that was as far as our minds would allow us to go.
For me though? At this second, in this place, at this moment, it would also be nice to jump right ahead. Past the current insecurities and whinges, past the incessant rantings and whinings, into a different place.
It isn't as though I'm trying to escape it all, or that it is all too hard. I'm not exactly saying that. One can never actually escape from all of the uncertain parts; but instead? I'd like to just move away from where I am now, and look forward to DIFFERENT insecurities and whinges.
Whether they'll be better? No idea. Will I still feel the same as I do now, just in another time? Maybe. But hey. A girl can dream.
For now, I'd settle for someone reading me a bedtime story, and being greeted by a sleep where I really can escape my mind, at least for a short time..
For more Sunday Scribblings, go here.
Oh, my God...yes. I related to every single word you said here...and this is another type of bedtime story we tell ourselves, unfortunately...the litany of all our faults and screw ups before we finally allow ourselves to drift off.
ReplyDeleteToday is a day that I wish I could snuggle in "Daddy's arms" and listen to a bedtime story. It seemed like all my worries went away when I heard his voice. Even now, as an adult, his voice still does that to me. :)
ReplyDeleteGreat post!
As usual, another thought provoking great post. Ahhh the allure of being able to go back OR forward in time is quite tempting.
ReplyDeleteOne thing though:This won't exactly come as a newsflash, but BD is cornfused.
:::For me though? At this second, in this place, at this moment, it would also be nice to jump right ahead. Past the current insecurities and whinges, past the incessant rantings and whinings, into a different place.::::
Having never heard the word 'whinges' before reading you,Lala, and a few others from Australia, I always thought it was same as "whines" or "whining" here in the states. From that sentence I seem to be wrong so what DOES it mean and how is it pronounced?
I have already far bypassed my quota of 'forgetting 33 things everyday' so am looking to 'learn something new everyday'.
BD