Sunday 6 May 2012

6dp3dt

6dp3dt = BFN.

I still don't regret doing this pee stick experiment. Seeing one line is never a nice thing, but it's definitely getting a little easier to bear. I realised this morning that I was being a little selfish, that I was doing this for me, so that I would be ok with the event of a failed IVF cycle.

This morning, I sat down with Jase and told him my fears, that I had this horrible feeling we wouldn't be lucky this time time around. He was okay, just gave me a hug and a kiss on the forehead and told me not to give up hope.
Yes, it's still early. I'm just... resigned. I can't describe it - I just want this to be over. I want this to be a positive so, so much. I want to be one of those amazingly lucky women who gets her BFP after the first IVF cycle. I want to beat the crappy odds we've had through this cycle, from a rubbish egg pickup, to terrible fertilisation rates, to our one miracle embryo. But, realistically? I can't get fully on board with it. I'm not that person. I don't get lucky like that.

I will keep plugging away. I won't give up hope. But I'll be ready for this massive disappointment, if it comes.
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8 comments:

  1. ~stinkb0mb~6 May 2012 at 09:36

    completely understand your need to pee on sticks - people who don't have never struggled to get pregnant.

    i also completely understand WHY you're peeing on sticks too. it's because you want to know but it's also because IF [and that's a big IF, the fat lady hasn't sung yet] it hasn't been successful, it won't come as a massive shock.

    as i said the fat lady hasn't sung yet honey and i'm still keeping everything crossed that you're "one of those lucky women" who get knocked up on their first ivf, i truly am.

    xxxxxx

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  2. CBrain6 May 2012 at 11:26

    Evil statistics ruling our worlds.....I like maths just not when it comes to my uterus. Good luck, not just for the pee sticks but for the emotional journey.

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  3. DandelionBreeze6 May 2012 at 15:54

    Thinking of you and hoping that it's too early... might be a late implanter. Know how you feel about POAS... completely understandable. Love to you always xo

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  4. sass @ (In)fertility Unexplained6 May 2012 at 21:17

    I am still very hopeful for you. It's too early - but that you know. The anxiety during the two week wait is the worst! But you'll make it through. Take care and good luck!

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  5. Laura6 May 2012 at 23:07

    Fingers still crossed for you!

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  6. Mrs Green Grass7 May 2012 at 03:00

    I'm not feeling that optimistic either. This is so hard! : (

    I hope we are both wrong.

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  7. heidikins7 May 2012 at 12:19

    **Hugs**

    xox

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  8. Veronique23 August 2012 at 11:37

    Hi,

    I stumbled here by accident but couldn't help myself from looking at a few posts. Congratulations on your pregnancy!! I'm a 2nd time gestational surrogate and presently at 6dp3dt.. I hope to get a positive pregnancy test soon!!! Good luck :)

    http://lifeasaluce.blogspot.ca/

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