It always bothers me when people boast about what an easy baby they have - or on the other extreme, complain about what a tough baby they have. It's not that I don't doubt that their babies are awesome, or challenging, but aren't all babies a little bit of both?
Lately I've been surrounded by two kinds of people. The boasters {which is all well and good - I get it - we love our kids!} that go on and on about the achievements their kids have made & have little sympathy for us normal folk and our babies. And the complainers - and when I say that, I mean the type that have made their minds up about the fact that their kid is obviously a hindrance, and who don't want, or respond to, the advice and suggestions given by others. These extremes are what make me twitchy: we're all human, can't we just own up to it?
- How loud they are when they're asleep. Georgia alternates from sounding like a snuffling miniature warthog, to whimpering quietly in her sleep. Both are very endearing - unless it's 5am.
- How they behave when other people are visiting, but can be little terrors the second you're home alone.
- How hilarious her hairy ears are. {Will this ever go away?}
- How long it takes for me to get out of the house. It's not just shower, grab purse, go. It's shower with screaming child in the bouncer, pack bag while baby sleeps, put bag in car, dress and change baby's nappy, head to the car, get puked on, go back to dress and change baby's nappy again, and so on, and so forth.
- How certain things they do remind you of yourself. Georgia sneezes when she goes outside in the sunlight, like I do, nearly every time.
- How quickly they don't look like newborns anymore.
- How many outfits they can go through in a day. {And this is me counting myself lucky that we don't have an epic puking baby, or a crazy leaking butt baby.}
- How you can spend countless hours of every day acting like an idiot just to try and make them smile. :)
We have been at this parenting gig for three months now. Three months of warm, snuggly baby. Best. Job. Ever.
- Been sleeping through the night. We have a fairly late bedtime (around 10pm) but she lasts through until around 6-7am most of the time. Very happy mama, right here.
- Met up with a few other little babies & bad lots of friends visit her at home.
- Figured out that she has hands - and that they can fit in her mouth.
- Had cuddles with her other Uncle & Aunty from the UK when they came to visit. Very special.
- Started shoving anything and everything into her mouth, and sticking out her tongue to taste things. You know what that means? BABY SLOBBER. She's like a dribbling machine.
- Smiled constantly! It is the most adorable thing ever. She's the smiliest {& chattiest} in the morning - when she first wakes up, after feeds, and during her wide awake time.
- Gone through yet another batch of nappy rash - followed by a pooping strike. The aftermath of that has NOT been pleasant.
- Continued breastfeeding like a champion, mostly with the nipple shields, but occasionally on her own.
- Been growing!! At our last weigh in, she was 5.4kg & 58cm long.
- Officially started wearing size 000 {0-3 month} clothes. Some are still a little baggy, but they fit her well length-wise now.
- Kept on rolling over. She doesn't like tummy time much, and screeches until she flips onto her back.
- Started swatting at & touching her toys. I'm loving the new interest in bright colours & sounds.
- Gotten cuter and cuter by the day!
A lot of people assume that once you've had a baby, the sting of infertility melts away. I wish that were true.
Now, don't think for one second that I don't wake up every morning or go to bed each night, not remembering how blessed we are to have Georgia in our lives. Trust me, it's something I will never take for granted.
But hearing pregnancy announcements still feels like a kick in the guts. It's a reminder of something that should have been 'easy', should have just 'happened', was that 'natural' thing that most women can choose to plan.
So many things make me angry. Hearing people complain about it taking so long to conceive - and by 'so long', we're talking two or three months. It's just so unreal: we tried for almost two years, two years that felt like an eternity. And sadly, two years is small fry compared to so many others in the Infertility circles I'm in! Hearing about the OOPS pregnancies. Hearing the complaints and gripes about being pregnant: 'Why am I doing this?' - or worse - 'Why did I choose to do this AGAIN?' They have no idea how lucky they are.
Even people who I would consider close to me can't escape my bitterness. While I'm happy, and glad things have worked out for the best for them, I still feel sad. Why did it have to be us that had the hard slog? Why did we have to pay money, a LOT of money, for a child? Why did we have to go through months of disappointment, of surgical procedures, of loaded negative pregnancy tests, when others can get that BFP without even needing to think?
I'm sad that when it comes time to try for a future baby, we won't be able to 'time it'. We won't be able to try 'when the time is right' or plan for that perfect age-gap between babies. I'm sad that it'll take money, doctors appointments, stress. And I'm nervous that despite all those things, it may not even work.
I'm not an awful person. I'm so thankful to have this little person in my life, that we were able to add to our family of fur-babies with our beautiful baby girl. I just wish people understood that the infertility and the pain doesn't magically disappear after becoming a parent. It still hurts, and it sucks.
Amidst all the hard stuff though, she is learning so much! She flips from her tummy to her back pretty quickly now. She grabs objects and gives them a cuddle. She has figured out her tongue exists, and has started shoving things into her mouth. Best of all, she recognises me! Every morning when she wakes up grizzling in her cradle, I hover over her & tell her good morning and oh, the smiles. Her whole little face lights up. I'll never get tired of this.
And, she's growing! Four weeks ago, at 7+2 days, Georgia weighed in at 4.630kg. Yesterday, at 11+2 days, she weighed 5.265kg. That's a rate of 150g on average per week. Makes me feel better that my little one is getting what she needs from me, especially since our feeding journey has been pretty darned difficult.
She still feels quite petite for her age, but she's healthy and thriving & has the yummiest little arm and leg rolls that you could seriously devour. I wish it were summer time, so I could have her in short suits all the time!
Georgia has been doing the occasional smiles for the past few weeks now. Mostly if you stroke her face, or as she's drifting off to sleep, or as she's tooting happily away in her nappy.
It's only in the past few days that she's starting to smile out of recognition. I thought it was a fluke the first time, as I changed her nappy in the middle of the night & she gummed one out at me. But then, I saw it again and I wasn't so sure! I shed a tear when I witnessed Jason get his first 'daddy' smile this week. He'd just walked in the door and she'd just woken up from a nap, but was still down in her crib. He leaned over to kiss her hello, and she gave him the biggest, cheesiest smile. So beautiful!
Since then, the challenge has been on to capture it on camera. I have loads of blurry attempts, but she flashes it so quickly that I just can't keep up. Until this morning, that is. Are you ready for extreme cuteness?
I decided to test her out again, so I disappeared out of her vision, grabbed my phone and popped up over her cot again. And what do you know? Smiles!
I know all parents are biased, but Georgia is just so darned beautiful. I can't wait to watch her grow up. :)
Everyone tells you that it'll be hard, but it's one of those things that just doesn't hit home until you're in the middle of it. And in this instance, 'it' is you standing in the living room in your jammies, boobs hanging out, baby poop on your shirt, oily unwashed hair falling out of a bun & an inconsolable screaming, red-faced baby in your arms.
It's not always like this - we have great days, good days & average days as well as the so-ridiculously-hard days.
You see, I didn't have a lot to do with newborns before we started trying to fall pregnant. We don't have a big extended family with littl'uns, we don't have nieces or nephews, and I don't have many friends with children. When we were struggling to conceive, I distanced myself from anything related to babies, because it was too hard to deal with. I read a million books about pregnancy, but very few about what came afterwards.
Georgia is our little guinea pig. We learn as we go, and we're probably going to keep learning until she's 30. I'm beginning to notice the signs for when she's hungry, when she's fussy, and when she's getting tired or overtired.
It's the other moments that are stressful - the ones that leave you in the situation I described in the first paragraph of this blog entry. The times where she will cry, and cry, and cry, and you have absolutely NO idea why. It's the saddest crying, too. The kind where she'll work herself up into sobs. The part that gets me is when a tiny, lonely tear trickles down her face - that's when I feel the worst.
I think most new parents probably go through the same mental checklist that we do: is she fed? clean? cold? hot? in pain from something? cuddled? comfortable? tired? not tired? When you've ticked all the boxes, tried all the soothing techniques you know of, and spent hours googling things like 'Why is my almost 9-week old baby screaming uncontrollably?' ... yep, it's hard. I wish there was an answer for why she has these days or what to do to comfort her, but it's all just trial and error. What works on one day generally doesn't work on another, and we just try to keep our heads above water.
As cheesy as it sounds, I wouldn't trade the hard times for anything. Today was a glorious day. Georgia was happy, had lots of naps, spent some time on her tummy and her back, kept herself happy blabbering away in her bouncer, and fed well. She gave me the most adorable gummy grin after a feed, and barely cried at all. As I type this, she's having an evening snooze in her portacot & is making the most gorgeous sighing sounds in her sleep. When she wakes, we'll be having our bath, bottle, boob & bed routine, trying to lull her into a full night's sleep again.
I'm already seeing my newborn baby disappear, and I'm trying to treasure this stage before she outgrows it. I love to see her growing, but I'm also sad to see her growing. In the midst of the crazy crying fits and the hard, sleep-deprived times, I can honestly see why people do this all over again. I'm going to miss Georgia being this little.
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