We have a FET timeline! I'm really glad to be feeling a bit more 'in the know' about how this is going to {hopefully} work.
I've been on Progynova since CD2 - 1 tablet per day. As of tomorrow, I increase the Progynova to 2 tablets per day. As of Sunday, I increase the Progynova to 3 tablets per day. If the E2 levels are going well, we'll stay at that level of Progynova until the cycle is over, or if we get pregnant.
There's a blood test and a scan booked for next Thursday, which will be CD14. If the lining looks decent then... we'll get a date set for our transfer. Man, I can't WAIT to be at that point, seriously. :)
I found out today that our frozen embryos are frozen in batches of 3, 3, 1 and 1 - at day 1 stage. They hope to grow out at least 1 of those 3 into a blastocyst, but if there are problems with the thaw at day 1, they have the option to grab one of the singles out and thaw that too. We're aiming for a 5-day single embryo transfer, but if they happen to grow more than one out, they can refreeze those blastocysts. I don't expect any to be good enough to re-freeze... I'm just praying we get a good one.
So that's that. Another week of Progynova and a whole lot of hope that this lining is growing nice and thick!
My period arrived yesterday, during a visit from a lovely lady who came bearing a chai latte and a box of maltesers - that's a good friend, right there. Funnily enough, the last time I saw her was during my first failed cycle of this year while I was also waiting for a period... and guess what came the next day? You guessed it! I think we're going to have to start calling her Aunty Flo.
Today is CD2. This morning I started taking progynova tablets - the form of oestrogen my clinic uses for HRT FET cycles. The side effects look... fun. Breast tenderness, breast pain, abdominal pain, nausea, oedema, headache, skin rash, insomnia and depression.
Let's face it... I'd take any of those symptoms if it meant I was able to grow a healthy baby in my belly.
As I write this, I'm feeling pretty numb. I'm excited that we're off, but that's about it. These past few months have been nothing but disappointments, getting left behind over and over again. I'm hopeful, but I'm also realistic. I'm not naive enough to think that just because we're trying a new approach means that we'll get pregnant. If only it was as easy for us as it was for {seemingly} everybody else.
I haven't been as vocal about starting this new round. The support groups I've been a part of don't feel the same as they used to... and I think I'm at the point in my journey where people just don't know what to say anymore. Add that to the fact that I've been feeling so damned uncomfortable around friends who are pregnant - despite my best efforts and attempts at putting on a brave face - and I feel more alone than ever right now. I guess this time around is proving to be very much about hubby & I fumbling through together.
Here we go.
My last birth control pill was taken on Sunday morning. It's now Thursday, and once again, I have no period in sight. I can't even blame anything being wrong with my ovaries - there's no cyst, there's a lining there, ready to shed... it's just my body, again, not doing anything right. The nurse said on Monday's ultrasound that my lining was around 8mm, so a decent amount to shed. I asked how long it would take to bleed, and she said with that lining, she expected me to have a period soon. It's been four days, and nothing. I wonder how long we'll have to wait around.
All I want is a chance. A CHANCE for god's sake! I've long given up hoping for a miracle... I just want a shot.
I've been doing okay over these past few weeks. Disappointed and holding it all together, but okay. This week has been hard though. A whole bunch more pregnancy announcements, a due date around the corner, and a pretty awful case of the 'it's not fair's. Life isn't fair. I know this. I just wish it didn't continue to slap me in the face all the time.
I swear, I can't handle another few days of parsley tea. :(
Oh thank heavens... the cyst is GONE! I've never felt so relieved during a session with dildo-cam, let me tell you.
Sometimes I get so focussed on my first miscarriage, that I 'forget' the second one. I say forget loosely, since of course I'll never FORGET, but you know... I get so easily distracted.
Like today, for instance. I saw a post from a friend who got pregnant around the same time as me for the second pregnancy, and she's halfway along now. Halfway! My mind has been so wrapped up on the whole 'I would have been full term' thing, that it totally skipped my mind that the second pregnancy/miscarriage would have been closer to the end as well.
That really hurts.
To be sitting here all this time later, and still with no baby in my belly... this really sucks. Today sucks.
Right, back to reality.
We have an ultrasound booked for this coming Monday to check on the dodgy ovarian cyst that appeared during my cancelled FET last month. If it's clear (please, please, please let it be clear) I'm hopefully going to get off the birth control, have a bleed, and get going on a new FET.
The plan this time is to try a non-ovulatory cycle, since I have such a shady history of ovulation - drugs or not. We'll start with Progynova (E2) tablets, and then add in a huge amount of progesterone to thicken up the lining, before hopefully transferring an embryo when conditions look optimal.
It all sounds really simple in theory - but of course, it depends on how my body responds to these medications as well. And we won't even be able to begin this course of treatment if the cyst hasn't disappeared, so again, we're stuck in limbo for a little while longer.
Speaking of transfers..
I have always been adamant about doing Single Embryo Transfers. I mean, it took a few cycles, but it worked for Georgia (a 5-day blastocyst) and it also worked for the two miscarriage cycles. That said, we have a few frosties in the freezer at the moment, and so I emailed my FS asking if she'd consider granting us approval for a Double Embryo Transfer during one of our upcoming FET's.
She shot that down FAST. She thinks I have a good chance of getting pregnant again off a SET, and that the risk of multiples is too high - so my track record for getting pregnant is holding me back, despite the fact that 2/3 of those pregnancies have miscarried. She also indicated that my PCOS would mean I'd be at risk for GD in future pregnancies, so adding multiples to that equation wouldn't be ideal.
I have to say, I have mixed feelings about her response. I suppose it reinforces my idea of SET's being the way to go - but a part of me is sad that they won't even give me the choice to do a DET, especially if the embryos can't be re-frozen for whatever reason. Ah well, out of my hands now, I guess. I am struggling to see myself getting pregnant at all lately, but time will tell what this batch of frozen embryos has in store for us. At this rate, it'd be nice to just get to a transfer!
Fingers crossed for some good news on Monday. :)
We officially survived our first family holiday - and had an amazing time. Fiji - you guys - it's beautiful.
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