Eleven Months Old

I am the slackest mama ever when it comes to blogging lately - but I have been working with some amazing brands on Instagram and I can't wait to share them with you!

In the meantime, Clairebear is 11 months old and edging ever close to the elusive first birthday. My baby girl amazes me every day. Seriously.. how did I get so lucky? :)


Ten Months Old

That moment when you blink and your baby girl is just shy of a year old... yep, we're at 10 months and I have NO idea where that time went. Life is good, there are lots of updates to be made, but for now, here we go:


Nine Months Old

And just like that, another month goes by.

So much to say and catch up on - but that's a story for another day. :)


Eight Months Old

Eight months old and full of personality. How did we get so lucky?


Seven Months Old

And just like that, this little love is seven months old.

She's learning new things every day. She's lost her gummy grin, replaced by a cheeky face-pulling toothy monster. She's watching Georgia constantly, and she's saving the best smiles for her daddy.

Snuggle your babies tight, folks. They grow so darned fast. :)

Six Months Old

My wee girl is now six months old - and growing into the sweetest little person.

Claire was Christened last weekend, and we combined that with Georgia's birthday party, which was a crazy and busy day - but full of loved ones and happy faces. I still can't believe we have two little girls to celebrate now... how did we get so lucky?

She's learning to sit up now, which is awesome. We've started solid foods, and while I'm wearing more of them than she's actually eating, we're getting there. She was diagnosed with hypermobility and has been on the waiting list for Occupation Therapy, which our initial assessment in a few weeks will hopefully get the ball rolling.

When she sees her sister, her eyes light up. When she's happy, she smiles all the way down to her curly toes. When she laughs, it bubbles up from deep inside. This girl is a delight! ♥

Five Months Old

... I'm only a month late! :)


Life with Two

Life with two is...

Noisy. 
Sometimes it's cranky noises - the baby screaming, the preschooler yelling. Sometimes it's happy noises - the baby discovering her voice, the preschooler talk, talk, talking about everything & anything. Rarely is it quiet around here!
Busy.
Since I'm lucky enough to be a stay at home Mum, I try and get out a little each day. Between the two girls, we always seem to have an appointment looming. Gone are the days of sleeping when the baby sleeps - always something to do. :) (And also why I blog so much less frequently these days!)
All about Food.
OH MY GOD, food. Georgia is hungry ALL THE TIME. I've done a freezer load of snacks to combat this, because I was getting so frustrated with her always asking for snacks. She's starting to get better thanks to her preschool (more structured times - so breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea, etc) but she would snack all day if she could. Baby's finally in more of a routine with her feeding... and now she's starting solids too. Food. All day long.
Awesome.
My girls are my world. I love these two crazy kids. Hubby & I are so damn lucky!

Questions

If there's one thing that infertility tears apart, it's the ability to have some kind of plan for your life. Most couples make the decision to add to their family, choose when to start, and let things progress naturally from there; each time frame is unique, but it always happens in the end. Then there's the decision about whether to have more children - again, dependent on many things; finances, space, pregnancy complications - but the choice is there. Do we, or don't we? If we do, we try. If we don't, we give the baby things away and move away from the high chairs and prams, and towards a new stage of life.

For us, and I would imagine many couples who have faced infertility, it's a little different.
The question isn't as simple as 'Should we have more kids?' 
Sure, there are the usual points to ponder; 'Can we afford more children?' 'Do we have space for another child in our home/car?' 'Is having another child going to take away from our current family?' 
But there are other points too; 'Can we afford more treatment?' 'Do we have babysitting options for the girls if we start up on the IVF bandwagon again?' 'Would my parenting abilities change under all of those hormones again?' 'Is my mental health strong enough for the possible disappointment that comes with fertility treatment?' 'Could I handle another miscarriage?' 'Would our marriage survive the stress of more negative cycles?' 'What do we do with our frozen embryos?' 
It's a minefield, that's for sure; one that neither of us is ready to jump back into any time soon - even though my heart tells me that I could do this again, and that we have so much more to give. 
I can't bring myself to give away the baby clothes, as she outgrows them. I don't want to minimise our private health insurance, just in case we need private hospital cover for a future pregnancy. I don't even want to think about what we would do with our frozen embryos,because in my heart, they're ours. For now, everything is on pause, while we enjoy our family of four. Time is already flying by far too quickly for my liking, with our little squish not quite so little anymore & our big girl growing up before our eyes.
I don't know what our future holds. I don't even know when we'll be ready - all of us ready - to get the ball rolling with starting more IVF again, should we choose to forge ahead. But I DO know that whatever happens, my two girls are my whole world, and I'm so grateful to have them in my lives; and for them to have each other. Whatever happens, happens. 
Life is good. :)

Spirited

My hands have been full lately - in a good way!

I'm coming to realise that this little baby is not going to be the mellow, 'go with the flow' second sibling that I'd always heard about; the kind that gets lugged along to all of their sister's events and is content to follow along happily. Not in this household.

My kiddo knows what she wants, and I can see how strong her personality is already - at four months old! She laughs and talks with her whole face, and when she's happy, you can't help but be happy with her. But when she's not... oh man.

I often observe other babies when we're out and about, and the one thing that I've noticed with Claire is that she is loud. All babies cry, and that's perfectly fine - but when my baby cries? It's loud. LOUD LOUD. Loud enough to turn heads, that kind of loud. It echoes through rooms, it's the kind of cry that leaves her sweaty and red faced and sometimes breathless.

When she first did this at a few weeks old, it made me so nervous that I took her to the doctors for a check over, and again at the paediatrician. I was concerned it might have been silent reflux, or that something was causing her to be distressed. The verdict: physically, she was perfect. That's just her cry. Since then, I've come to realise that they were right - this is just her way. It's how she gets in the car, and we all know how much she hates that. It's how she gets when she's hungry, when she's sad, when she's tired. There's no soft little cry that escalates - it's just 0 to 100 in a flash.

She wants to be with you, to see what you're doing, to watch everything that's happening around her. She wants to sit up, even though her little body isn't quite ready for that yet. She lights up around Georgia & can recognise voices with ease.

Claire was a pleasant surprise from the start. That her transfer worked at all, that she made it through a rocky pregnancy; right up to when she graced us with her presence, looking so very different to her big sister. It shouldn't really shock me that her personality is her own as well - this spirited kiddo is going to be the best kind of handful; I can feel it already. :)

Sisters - what a lucky mama I am.

Four Months Old

... And just like that, we're at four months old!

My beautiful baby is changing every day - it's so lovely to watch. Watching her smile is just the best; it lights up her whole face, right up to her eyes. She's delightful.

I mean, LOOK AT THAT FACE. I am totally smitten.

This month has been full of smiles, screeches, and long car rides. She still hates the car, but tolerates it better in the convertible rear facing seat as opposed to the infant capsule. We also had to swap her pram from the flat-bassinet to the regular seat, so she's enjoying that a little more now too.

The most challenging thing about Claire is her sleep - it's not great. She's happy as can be, but she's up a lot. The longest stretch we've had is about 4 hours. I'm getting used to operating in zombie mode, but man, I miss my sleep like nothing else. It makes it a lot harder to parent Georgia calmly, that's for sure.

That said, she's still little. The late night snuggles and feeds won't last forever, so we're just going with the flow.

These last four months have gone so fast, I feel like I'm going to blink and I'll miss it. Love this little squish. :)

Three Months Old

Annnnnnnnd, in my sleep deprived haze, I have only just noticed that I forgot to update Claire's three month stats - and I'm almost ready to take her FOUR month stats this week. Whoops! #zombiemum

This last month, Claire started gaining more weight - largely thanks to having her tongue tie corrected the month before.
She also used to sleep ... which is one thing that has changed for the worse. We celebrated her first Christmas, even though she spent more time chewing on paper than actually taking anything in.
She's still been wearing 000 clothes but with those thighs... we aren't far off moving up another size!

She's not a newborn anymore, that's for sure. -sob-

Transfer-aversary

I still vividly remember our last transfer day. It was hot, and I was nervous. Nervous that the embryo might not have thawed well, nervous about another miscarriage, nervous about starting yet another year off with the potential for disappointment.

I remember how many times the doctor had to attempt the speculum placement. I remember them commenting that the embryo looked lovely. I remember keeping my legs tightly closed the whole drive home; something I've done after every transfer, even though I know it makes not a shred of difference to the outcome.

For anyone who's ever done IVF or who has never fallen pregnant of their own accord, that window after a transfer is magical. It's full of possibility - for a while, even just for a few short days, you're closer to being pregnant than you've ever been before. That shot that most couples get once a month, it's finally yours, after what feels like constant waiting. Those days have a lot riding on them, since it may be several more months before you get that chance again, if you're lucky.

You wait, you pray, you scream at the universe, and you pee on a million sticks. Most times it doesn't work.

But sometimes.. just sometimes, it does.

One year ago today, we 'met' our Claire for the first time. And now, she's here. I can't think of anything more amazing.

Baby Purchases I Should Have Made

Claire is 3.5 months old now, and has left newborn-hood behind while growing bigger every single day.

I sense she's going to be an emotional little poppet as she grows up - because she's either delightfully happy, or she's frightfully sad/angry. Life in the extremes; it's a real thing. When she was younger, I felt she would have quite a zen personality, she seemed so happy to go with the flow of things. Now that she's showing more of her personality, I am eating my words. She knows what she likes.. and what she doesn't like.

Unfortunately for me, those things involve sleeping, cars, being out of your arms... meaning I've not been getting much done around these parts, and that leaving the house is quite the challenge. That said - baby cuddles. Is there anything sweeter?

Now that we're a few months in, there are a few things I wish I'd purchased earlier to help with baby #2. It's probably too late to get them now, as they'd only be helpful for a short time anyway, but if we were ever to get to go through this again {wishful thinking?} OR if they should happen to fall from the sky into our laps, I think they'd come in very handy.

#1: A new breast pump

I kept my Medela Swing Maxi (double electric pump) from when Georgia was born - hoping I wouldn't have to use it with this baby. But, surprise! When Claire was having all of the issues early on, and when my boobs were so shredded from 8 weeks of tongue tie feeding, the pump soon became my best friend. Unfortunately for me, at almost four years old, it's pretty lack luster now. The suction is really poor, I've done all the troubleshooting to help it, and it's just not working. There are so many new, hospital grade pumps on the market now, I wish I'd just turfed the old one & purchased a new one.

#2: A padded swing

We borrowed a swing from my brother, but Claire is NOT a fan. Thing is, it's not the proper, cushioned, newborn-type swing, it's more of just a standard recliner seat that rocks. She was never comfortable in there & slid around a lot, so there was none of that blissful newborn swing napping that I've heard about from nearly every other baby in existence. I think if it had better padding & neck support, or potentially even the option to rock from side-to-side, she would have liked it better.

#3: A White Noise Machine

We currently use an old iPod docking station that has white noise options available as backgrounds, but we really need something that's portable and can go from room to room. We've only recently moved it out of Georgia's room and into ours - not that it's helped much with Claire's terrible sleep so far. There may still be time to invest in a good one... if I can convince hubby that it's worth trying.

Hindsight, eh? In the meantime... here is the reason I've been so busy and left my blog a little abandoned lately. This ray of sunshine // ball of emotions, she makes me smile every day. And throw in her bossy and fiesty and gorgeous big sister, and I am so happy... and so tired... and so lucky.

2016: The Year That Was

Happy New Year! I'm only a week late. :)

Reading last year's review post makes me sad - the place I was in was such a sad and frustrated one, and it was so, so lonely. If you'd told me that in a year's time, things would have been so much better, I wouldn't have believed you - how could it? But I was proved wrong. 2016 brought us hope.

I'm following the same format as years gone by - (2006200720082009, 2010, 2011201220132014 & 2015)

1. What did you do in 2016 that you’d never done before? 
Became a mama of two.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Surprisingly, yes! I vowed to get pregnant - and we did! :) 

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? I did! And it was wonderful. 

4. Did anyone close to you die? Not this year.

5. What countries did you visit? None. We stayed close to home.

6. What would you like to have in 2017 that you lacked in 2016? A little more patience.

7. What dates from 2016 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? January 28th, when we transferred Olaf. April 12th, when we found out that Olaf was a healthy baby GIRL. September 30th, when she was born & when Georgia became a big sister.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
 With the help of bedrest, family and a good doctor, I managed to bake Claire until she was ready to be kicked out - and then thanks to a fast labour, I gave birth to her naturally.

9. What was your biggest failure? Wishing time away - now I wish it would slow down!

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? No.

11. What was the best thing you bought? We extended our deck and added a pergola.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration? Oh, my lovely husband. I've said it before, how lucky I am - but this year took the cake. Not only did he take care of Georgia AND look after me during my weeks of hospital bedrest, he did it while starting a new job. He has continued to step it up and help us all adjust to being a family of four. My Mum has also been a rockstar this year. Very proud of her.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? Quite a few people.

14. Where did most of your money go? IVF, pregnancy, baby stuff, pergola.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
BABY OMG BABY.

16. What song will always remind you of 2016? 
Turning Page - Sleeping at Last

I've waited a hundred years
But I'd wait a million more for you
Nothing prepared me for
What the privilege of being yours would do

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
(a) Happier or Sadder? Happier.
(b) Thinner or Fatter? Fatter.
(c) Richer or Poorer? Poorer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Sleeping - I miss it.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Stressing out - trying not to sweat the small stuff.

20. How did you spend Christmas in 2016? With our little family, once again. :) 

21. Did you fall in love in 2016? My heart expanded even more this year.
22. How many one-night stands? I'm too old for these questions now, I fear.

23. What was your favourite TV program? The favourite this year was Westworld.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Yes.

25. What was the best book you read? I've been embarrassingly slack on the book front this year. I did enjoy 'The Girl on the Train' earlier in the year.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? Well, they're new to ME - Straight No Chaser. I listened to them a lot at Christmas time.

27. What did you want and get? My sweet Claire.

28. What did you want and not get? Time and understanding.

29. What was your favourite film of this year? Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 32 this year, and we spent the day at the park with Georgia, at 29 weeks pregnant!

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Having family things work out differently.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2016? Stretchy maternity clothes!

33. What kept you sane? Friends, family & the internet.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I quite like looking at the guy from the Divergent/Insurgent movies.

35. What political issue stirred you the most? Donald fucking Trump.

36. Who did you miss? I miss my Dad.

37. Who was the best new person you met? My lovely new Mum friends, who have been so lovely this year and got me through the crazy newborn days that I had almost forgotten about.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2016. You've got this.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. “Welcome to the planet, welcome to existence. Everyone's here, everyone's here. Everybody's watching you now, everybody waits for you now.. What happens next?"

40. What are your resolutions for 2017? I'm planning on letting go of the small stuff, and living in the moment with the family I never thought I'd have. :) 

Happy New Year, friends. 





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