Here we are - a new year, a new decade (hello to my 40's!) and a new mindset! :) 

I'm still plugging away as a FitAzFk ambassador - and it's been such a game changer for me over the years. I'm not into quick fixes, and I'm here for the long haul. 

If you're a new (or old!) Mama, or just someone looking to get their fitness and their energy back, definitely check out FitAzFk - it's been such a game changer for me! 

This is an ongoing battle for me - catch up on the journey so far by visiting these links:

Operation Healthy: One Month In
Operation Healthy: Two Months In

It's nice to be eating real food again. Since I'm basically the world's fussiest eater, I knew that eating pre-prepared meals for two months straight would be a stretch. In truth, I made it through probably half that time before starting to dread the thought of eating another one ever again. Aside from a few granola packs that I'm finishing off, I'm back to my usual diet now, and loving it! It's so empowering to be able to pick and choose everything that I fancy eating, provided it's within a reasonable portion.

Writing that out above still makes me feel a bit embarrassed. It's the basic mantra we all know about a healthy diet - everything in motivation. Yeah, I'm just catching on to that now. But better late than never, right?

This month, we've had a lot of visitors. I have thoroughly enjoyed running a bed and breakfast type home-stay for everyone who's been passing through, it's been great - but it's also so much hard work. The constant cleaning, organising your day around other people's schedules, planning meals in advance wherever possible and eating out way more than usual, well, it completely threw my routines out the window. But I tried to pick decent meal choices, I kept up my gym visits and I jumped back on the bandwagon as soon as I felt wobbly.

For the first time, I noticed that quite a few of my clothes are fitting differently. I'd noticed it in a pair of jeans last month, but that was just a one-off, so I didn't think anything of it. While trying to pack for Europe, I pulled out some of my clothing from last winter, and it's definitely looser. Unfortunately I'm somewhere between my clothes looking a bit big, but not quite being a smaller size yet. The conundrum of baggy clothing vs muffin-top? I can't win!

As I expected, and similar to last month, the weight loss slowed down again, but it's still a loss, which I'm grateful for. I'm down four pounds this month, which brings my total weight loss to twenty-seven pounds.

I weighed in early, too. We sold our treadmill and our television set in anticipation of the move, and with that gone, so goes my weighing in - I use the Wii fit to track my weight loss. So four pounds in three weeks, well, I'm just fine with that! (Plus, that means my weekend in Paris didn't result in any crazy gains, even after enjoying some beautiful, beautiful food.) Anywho, I didn't quite get to 190lbs or 85kg goals I had set myself, but I'm oh so close. I'm hoping I'll manage to hit those goals while travelling, but who knows how that will turn out.. it'll be a secret.

I won't be weighing in again, or likely even talking about weight loss for a while now. It will be interesting to see how the numbers look, and how I look after the time spent travelling - I guess we'll find out on the other side soon enough!

This is an ongoing battle for me - catch up on the journey so far by clicking here:

Operation Healthy: One Month In

The first month in to a lifestyle change generally brings with it the best results. Your body adjusts to the changes that you make and things like water retention and portion reduction really does result in a big change to the numbers on the scale. Not that this is necessarily a bad thing - not at all! In fact, motivationally speaking, it's the best thing that could happen; results make you want to keep going, keep pushing ahead. During my first month of focusing on me, my relationship to food, and my portion sizes in particular, I managed to lose fourteen pounds.

Those bigger numbers were a good step in the right direction for me. I really do think that becoming more aware of the size of my meals was my 'lightbulb' moment when it came to losing weight my own way. And as well as that, I learned that I actually wasn't eating enough calories throughout the day, especially when I was exercising so regularly. That too could've resulted in the previous months of being frustrated by my efforts and lack of results.

This month, I've plodded on along. I'm still following the food program, but only to use up the remainder of pouches I have in our pantry - I've cancelled the subscription and plan on doing it on my own from here-on in. I've got myself into a good routine for breakfasts and lunches, and while I'm back at eating my own creations for dinner, I'm keeping an eye on what I'm eating and how much is actually need versus want. I know that's common sense for most people, but I'm someone who has always, always just kept eating. If it was there, I would snack on it. Now, I think I'm learning to know better and I feel much happier about it too. I've also managed to keep things under control while we've had visitors staying with us and while we've been out for lots of dinners and events, which is brilliant.

The weight loss has slowed down this second month, but the important thing is that it's continued going in the right direction. I'm down another nine pounds this month, which brings my total weight loss to twenty-three pounds.

I'm obviously happy with the weight loss, but I still have a very long way to go yet. This month was good in terms of milestones, as I hit the 200lb mark as well as the 90kg mark - both of these are 'magic' numbers for me, and it's nice to achieve those goals. I'll be taking baby steps from now on and aiming for smaller goals at a time to make it more manageable and to seem less daunting. Next step: 190lbs & 85kg. I'm continuing to randomly blog through the journey, so head over there if you're interested in the smaller details.

I can't wait to see what the next month brings - it's my last full month in the UK, as my crazy travels will begin shortly after that, meaning I'll have to combat weight loss on the move. I'm nervous but looking forward to that at the same time. Hopefully my portion control will help me enjoy food on the go, without going overboard.

I'm one of those girls who would love to be able to cook but who doesn't really have the know-how. Because it's just been the two of us living in our partially-furnished rental apartment here in London, we don't really own any fancy kitchen equipment. We don't even have a mixer or food processor. In fact, the most technological of our appliances are a toasted sandwich machine & a blender; which we inherited from friends when they left the country.

There's never been much point in investing a lot of money into buying new and fancy products because it's not like we can just throw them into our moving van and take them to our next flat when we move: because we'll be moving abroad. Again. So yes, we've been living off limited kitchen resources for the past three years, and this is how it will stay until we move home and stock up our own kitchen! {I'm SO excited to do this, you have no idea.}

We also tend to have fairly basic ingredients in our pantry too; being that there is just the two of us, we buy things that we cook and eat as we go. The past few months have seen me stockpiling basic baking ingredients, but I certainly can't just fling my cupboard or fridge doors open and find certain spices/flavourings/cooking products.

What that means is that I'm constantly on the lookout for simple recipes, using simple ingredients, using single equipment. That's not a lot to ask right? Oh wait, yes, it also needs to be low calorie. Easy, no?

Today I was feeling really uninspired. I was mooching around the apartment and craving something sweet - I tend to get the munchies either in the middle of the afternoon or just after dinner. As you know, I've been following a healthy eating plan for the past few weeks but I don't like to limit myself as to what I can or can't eat.. so it's nice to be able to plan meals in advance when you know what your likely downfalls are going to be. I have a lot of low calories snacks in the house - cheddar oat bakes, low GI chocolate chip oat biscuits, random bits of fruit and even the occasional Cadbury big bar of chocolate. (3 squares of deliciousness = just under 100cals, yes please!)

Today, none of those snacks would do; I wanted something different. I wanted to bake something. So what does any hungry girl on a diet do? Why, she googles, of course. She googles naughty, naughty things and ends up craving all sorts of Sugar! Carbs! Sugar! Starch! Sugar! Did I say Sugar!? Mmm. Baked things. Cakes. Pies. Macaroons. Muffins.

I didn't cave, you guys, because we didn't have the right ingredients to make any of them I am a strong willed healthy machine. But I did still find myself really, really snackish, so kept on looking.

I settled on stewing some apples, thinking that I'd have some of them with custard or yoghurt to satisfy the sweet cravings. Then I got to searching for apple crumble recipes.. and I found one which I adapted to suit my current ingredients & equipment {or lack thereof.} And wouldn't you know, it was pretty darned good. It was super easy to make, it tasted great considering how little was involved, and I made do with my own estimates at amounts.. because er, we don't have kitchen scales and I like/need to be creative with my measurements.

Unfortunately this picture doesn't do it justice either because a) it was the dodgy, fallen-apart piece that I decided to eat {so that Jase could have the nice, NORMAL looking slice, such a good fiancé I am!} and b) it is kind of a blurry iPhone pictures. Bygones.. I'll take a better one next time I make it, promise.

Seeing that I don't use exact measurements, replicating the crumble might be a little bit tricky, but it's worth playing around with if you're so inclined. Here's my take on a simple & easy apple crumble recipe that could serve 2-3 or 4, depending on how much of it you want to shovel into your pie-hole. Mmmm. Pie.

Since July is long gone (well, four days gone..) that means that I've officially been on my healthy living plan now for four weeks; more than enough time to write in and share how things are going with it so far.

Let's start with the positives: in four weeks, I'm down  fourteen pounds. I'm pleased with that; despite only losing a measly 1-pound in the last week itself. It's a pretty consistent loss when you work out the average of around 3-pounds per week. I've become a lot more aware of my portion sizes; particularly with innocent meals like cereals and dinners - I was going completely overboard and not even realising, since that was "normal" for me. Now, I'm starting to find myself fuller for longer & I'm never really going without, which is important to me.

Another positive is that I'm being a lot more conscious of eating enough food. While I was busy spending May and June working out rigorously, I wasn't losing any weight. Looking back, I think it was because I was eating my meals all wrong, with big portions at set times each day and not many snacks in between. I'm now eating more - but smaller sizes and at random times throughout the day. I'm eating a lot more fruit, and finding good things to snack on that will keep me within my calorie "goal" (I hate the word "limit") each day. I downloaded an iPhone app called Lose It, and while it took a bit of time initially plugging in most of my regular meals, it's super easy to use now.

But of course, there are always downsides to a weight loss journey - if it was a quick and easy fix, I'd already be at my ideal weight and size. The most common gripe I have is about ME and how I carry my weight: because that fourteen pounds lost has not made the slightest bit of difference to my figure. Please don't think I'm complaining about how much I've lost because I know that fourteen pounds is great and I'm mighty pleased with myself, but honestly - where has it gone from? It's so hard not to be disheartened when you look in the mirror and see no progress, despite the numbers finally starting to budge on the scale. Progress is everything to me. I like to see results. I like to know that the effort I'm putting in is noticeable to others, but more importantly, to myself.

I'm a pretty critical judge.

Part of this intense need to really see results stems from my impatience; yet another thing I struggle with. I have a long way to go on this journey; let's face it, with the amount of weight I need to lose, fourteen pounds is a very small percentage of the whole picture. Mentally, I need to make sure I'm 100% focused on this as a long-term thing - I've learned from failed past attempts that it's all too easy for me to go from being a little wobbly with my commitment, to eventually toppling off the bandwagon in a spectacular fashion.

I had a moment this morning where I felt utterly dejected after reading that 1-pound loss; where I felt like this was ridiculous and that I was once again wasting my time and energy into something that just isn't going to happen for me. I just felt awful, like a big, fat lump. I sat down on the floor in my underwear and thought about raiding the cupboards to make the worst possible food I could come up with. I thought about the fact that I had eaten out twice this week for my birthday - naughty Thai food, apple pie with ice cream and wood fire pizza, and figured hey, that explains it you silly girl, get off the floor and start over.

But then I got angry. Really, really angry. So angry that I would have punched something, except that there was nothing here to punch. Why? Because I'm bitter. I'm jealous and I'm bitter. I ate two small meals this week that were what I would consider a splurge, and my weight loss stalled because of it: yet why are there people out there who can eat terribly every day, drink cans of coke every day, not work out at all - and can not gain a pound.

Why is this such a hard journey for me? What did I do to deserve always being large? WHY? It's not fair.

I'm over that now. I got up and I moved on, and I indulged in a small portion of cocoa & granola with milk for breakfast. But you know, deep down, I am still all of those things. I am sad. I am angry. I am bitter. I am jealous. And to be perfectly honest, I don't think that anyone can empathise unless they have been fat themselves. And I'm not talking a few pounds over their 'skinny' weight. I'm talking about people who are well over a healthy weight range, who have a lot of weight to lose, and who have probably (like me) been heavy their entire life. I don't know if these feelings will change as this journey progresses; I hope they do.

But to end on a positive and to summarise: four weeks down, fourteen pounds lost.

I have this horrible fear that being vocal about my weight loss journey and having support from Jase is fantastic - but that I'm going to let everyone down if things stop working, or if my size doesn't change after all this. If there's one thing I can't bear the thought of, it's disappointing people.

So here's to the next four weeks, I hope you'll stick through this with me - no matter what the final outcome is.

A week ago today, I was eagerly anticipating the arrival of my newest project - portion controlled meals that were going to be delivered to my door, hopefully making a difference in my weight loss journey (or lack thereof.)   I spent a good portion of that morning cleaning out the pantry, since I'd been in touch with a few ladies following the regime that commented on the sheer amount of food products that arrived each month. So I cleaned, and I organised, and I left a whole entire shelf empty - and when the delivery came on Thursday morning, I packed it all up neatly and began my journey.

A couple of weeks have passed since I last updated you on my health progress, so I thought I'd touch base on that now and share a new venture that I'm trying out. As you probably remember, I was complaining quite a bit about how my sensible diet and five days per week of exercise weren't making a shred of difference to my weight and/or size - but I stuck it out and kept going, thinking that things would balance out eventually.

It's now July. Things are still not balancing. {Insert stomping and general whinging here.}

This is usually around the time that I start getting irritated and am tempted to throw in the towel. 'If things aren't changing now when I'm being strict, I may as well go back to what I was doing before'.. you know, that sort of thinking. But NO, I refuse to be run over by the bandwagon just yet. I'm hanging on, even if it is just by my fingertips. I'm trying to keep making good choices (like the salad I had while out for lunch yesterday with a friend.. go Aly, go!) and force myself to keep moving. My gym motivation is wearing down, but luckily I have those classes to keep me going. And there's always the Wii Fit at home if I am truly not fussed.

I wish I could figure out what it is that's making this progress so difficult this time around. I automatically want to point fingers at my PCOS diagnosis because all my research & doctor visits have told me that it'll be more difficult with my insulin levels all over the place, but I just don't want to throw all the eggs in that blame-basket and find out it's something else entirely. What I'm focusing on and trying to remember is the main reason why I am working so hard at this: it's for me - my health, my weight, my fertility and of course, my wedding shape. So I'm pulling out all the stops while I can, and I'm trying something different.

I found a program online that delivers meals to your door - and it's all about portion control. It's not a miracle diet and it's not really anything special, but it's calorie counted already and it lets me pick out what food I want, so no chances of being lumped with a whole stack of dinners that I'll hate. My first parcel is due to arrive today and I'm super excited about it. I'm not going to be a program like this forever. It works for me right now since I have the time for it, but I'm not a silly eater and I know how to cook healthy meals. It's just that I need something to kick-start me; and I feel like a program with every single calorie counted for me might just be the booster I need to get me going. I'm trialling it for a month and if I hate it, I'll stop - but I'm hoping a few pounds will be shed within that month to make me feel motivated and happy to keep pushing forward.

Here's to trying new things... and hopefully seeing some positive results! Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Today is a happy day - as I've lost my first kilogram!*

It appears that I've gotten myself into a bit of a rut.

Don't get me wrong, life is grand - I'm still walking around in a post-engagement bubble, wishing we had more people here to share it with. Home is great, Oscar is a delight as always, and I am grateful for all the things I have. Lately though, and partially because of all the aforementioned things, I have become quite lazy.

The summer always drains me. I don't like the heat, and after a day at work and a stifling tube & bus ride home, the last thing I feel like doing is dragging myself to the gym. I have been doing my Aqua classes fairly regularly (and loving them, I might add!) but I still can't shake the idea of the gym being a chore. I really, really do want it to be something that I don't dread going to.

With tomorrow bringing about the start of Autumn here in London, I've decided that will be the day to get out of my rut. I'm starting off the month with our annual company staff-day, so that should focus me career-wise, and beginning the following day? I'm all about the healthy. I'm determined to start loving the gym, whether my body likes it or not.

And speaking of the body, well, that certainly needs some loving too. (Not that way, you perves.) The figure which I literally worked my ass off to get before I moved here, has long since disappeared. Sure, I could blame the dreaded Heathrow Injection, but in all fairness? It's the laziness. Back then, I was running every day, and I managed to shrink in size - my clothing size didn't change, but my shape sure did.

I want to get back to that mindset. I have a gym that is a mere five minute's walk away from my house. I have a pair of trainers, I have some daggy tracksuit pants ready to go. I even have the membership, a fully paid membership that I intend on making the most out of. All that's left is making my gym visits more of a routine, and one that lets me start seeing results.

Besides, what better way to make use of a decidedly long and still-unknown engagement period, then to lose a stack of weight? The healthy. We're getting back on track.