Admitting Defeat

I've always prided myself in 'being strong' throughout this whole ordeal, even on the days where I felt like I was failing at keeping it all together. For people to tell me that they thought I was strong, that I was brave, that I was getting by; it helped get me through some really, really hard times.

Secondary infertility is tough, in that you just can't fall apart - my whole focus has been trying hard to make sure that my toddler is happy and content, and doesn't know the struggle that we're going through on a daily basis.

I had gotten so used to putting on a brave face and trying to keep it all together, that it became second nature to keep on keeping on... until it got too hard. When the anxiety started echoing into everyday things, spilling out into the 'real world', when things just seemed to be too low, too often. It was time.

Throughout the last few years, I've spoken with psychologists and with therapists/counsellors when the need has arisen - especially during the tough times of infertility. I recognised the signs recently, and decided to take some action.

It's hard admitting that things aren't right with you. It's hard, because I feel like a failure... like this has beaten me, when it's so far from the truth & I am not ready to give up yet. But while I still have the fight in me, I've also got to appreciate that situations have become challenging, and I need some assistance working through it all.

Does it make me less strong? Maybe.

But I'm trying to look at it in a different way... that it makes me STRONGER, because I know myself, I know my limits, I know that this is temporary, and I know it'll help make me a better mum, wife, daughter, and infertility warrior in the long run.

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Jess said...

While I'm really sorry that this has been such a challenging and drawn-out ordeal for you, I'm really glad that you are seeking the help you need, and I do NOT think you are admitting defeat, or that you're a failure, or anything like that. Nobody could withstand everything you've been through without struggling or developing some new scars, and a therapist is a really good and healthy way to process through some of that stuff. Xoxo.

Unknown said...

It takes a really strong person to recognize when they need help, and an even stronger one to seek it. You are a strong, brave, amazing person, and receiving help doesn't take any of that away from you. I don't think you are admitting defeat so much as admitting that you need a hand to help you through this tough time, not just for yourself but for your family. There is no defeat there! xx

Heatherj said...

I just started counselling today. I wish I was strong enough to deal with things on my own but I'm not. I'm glad that you are seeking help as well. This journey of ours will be worth it eventually but it is the hardest thing I have ever done and I hope that I never have to do anything else like it...

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