Not Pregnant

My levels are FINALLY less than 5.

I'm officially no longer pregnant.

I never thought I'd say this, but I'm so bloody glad to hear those words.

This miscarriage was just a total disappointment. From the late appearing pregnancy test lines, to the positive betas, to the almost-but-not-quite doubling, to the hope... and then to the devastation of another early loss.

Since then, it's been wait after wait; waiting for hcg levels to drop, waiting to see what was going on, waiting for ultrasounds to check for retained products, waiting for a bleed. From the hope that we might be able to squeeze in one last FET cycle for 2015, to the disappointment of simply running out of time.

With all that said, it's done. It's over. We start again in January.

It's like déjà vu all over again. If I think back to this time last year, all we hoped for was a fresh start. We wanted to leave the pain and sadness of the previous year behind us and move on, and hope that the new year would bring us a baby.

In 2014 I was pregnant. Then I wasn't pregnant. Then I was pregnant again. Then I wasn't. In 2015 I watched two due dates come and go, with no pregnancy in sight. There was failure after failure, and our luck stayed the same. Then I was pregnant. And now I'm not.

So now, we're leaving the sadness of TWO years behind us... and maybe, just maybe, 2016 will bring us some good news.

6 Comments • Labels: , , , , ,  


Anonymous said...

I really hope so, Aly! I'm sorry you're having such a rough go and that the last two years haven't been very kind to you. I really believe your time is coming again, though! Lots of love to you.

Heatherj said...

2015 has been the worst year of my life. Here's to 2016 and praying that we get our rainbow babies. It's our turn to rise up and shine. Much Love Aly xxx

dubliner in Deutschland said...

I'm sorry. Let's hope 2016 will be better!

Jess said...

I am so glad that this part is over. I hope 2016 will be your year. Xo.

Feisty Harriet said...

Oh honey, so many hugs and loves to you. I truly and sincerely hope that a fresh start in January with renewed hopes will bring something positive for 2016.


Non Sequitur Chica said...

2016= a new year and a fresh start. Big hugs to you lady. I'm pulling for you in 2016!

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