Feeling Self Conscious

Yesterday, I had my hair & make-up done.

I must say, being made up is one of the most exciting aspects of wedding planning so far. I found our stylist, Jenny of Le Fabulous, a few months back & had a trial do then, but since we were having engagement pictures taken by Andrew of Follan Photography fame, I decided to splurge and have it done again.

The first time around, we went for natural and glowing coverage as well as a loose up-do. This time around? I wanted something different. Jenny gave me awesome curls & gorgeous smoky eyes - it was super dramatic. I went to pick Jase up from the station all dolled up, and he got into the car looking impressed with it, so that was a good sign!

The pre-wedding photo-shoot went well. We drove out to Galston and took pictures in this beautiful park, with a few different backdrops - and despite feeling incredibly awkward at the start, we started feeling more comfortable as time went on. The hair and make-up meant I felt okay from the shoulders up, but I'm still feeling super self conscious about my body and my weight. You see, the weight I had lost last year? Well, that is still fantastic - but I've been stuck at a huge plateau for the last few months and it hasn't budged since.

So, beautiful hair, make-up and talented photographer withstanding, I'm still terrified. I'm terrified of seeing the images and not liking what I see. I'm terrified that Jase won't like the pictures, that I won't look the way that I want to look, and worse: that I'll be too fixated on what size I look in the images to appreciate what the session was really for - time to spend with my love, enjoying each other's company in the lead-up to our wedding day. I really hope these nerves go away soon, especially before the wedding.

I'll be waiting nervously for the engagement pictures for the next few weeks, but in the meantime, here's a blurry, badly lit camera phone picture of us after the shoot. I love my little family.

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Unknown said...

I really liked your hair. Makeup is so nice and not too overdone - you look glam but not OTT :)
I've been thinking about an engagement shoot for ages but not really done anything about it. was your fiancée keen to do this? Mine seems deathly afraid of cameras

Carly said...

You looked gorgeous and your pictures will be equally gorgeous!

Your photographs will be amazing and try not to be too terrified!

Becky said...

You look gorgeous - those curls are awesome! Can't wait to see the pics!

Amanda said...

You look fabulous! I totally get the self-conscious feeling though.

Also: OSCAR IS RIDICULOUSLY CUTE IN THAT PICTURE. I can't get over his expression, little head on your arm :)

Britt said...

Oh, I know that feeling of being happy with one thing and incredibly self conscious about another. I can only tell you that you're beautiful inside and out (I bet I can find a hallmark card that says that!). That plateau WILL budge. I can't wait to see how amazing your pictures are!

Alana said...

Okay, I LOVE that picture of the three of you at the end! Totally understand your concern though - I felt the exact same way for my engagement shots. And, sure enough, there WERE some shots I cringed at ("Bah, look how fat I look!"), but there were also so many great ones too that seemed to capture us perfectly. Professional photographers are pretty incredible! I'm sure you'll be blown away as well :)

(Also, I tried to remind myself that no one else ever looks at a photo of me and criticizes it the way I do. I've never seen a photo of someone else and thought 'oh God, she looks so fat and her hair isn't perfect blah blah blah"...and yet, I do that to myself all the time! Besides, your makeup/hair trial shot was so beautiful that I already know your photos will be amazing.)

emily jane said...

I love your hair, it looks so beautiful! I can definately relate to feeling self conscious or nervous about the photos, I thought I'd be worried on the day and I was dreading getting them back for fear all I'd see was how big my nose was. But this photo is proof you are going to be the most gorgeous bride ever, and you will be so happy on the day that's all you'll be focusing on - as you should :) can't wait to see the engagement pics!

heidikins said...

I adore you, and you look fantastic! I can't wait to see more pics!


Janet said...

Wow, I can TOTALLY relate to this. I really know exactly how you feel. And can I just say, I think you will be okay? The results will probably not match your anxiety about the results. You look BEAUTIFUL in the pic you just posted, and professional hair & makeup is a wonderful thing, and good photogs are wonderful too.

You aren't going to love every photo, no one does. But I am very sure you will like enough of them to frame, put in an album, etc.

You are beautiful!

Katelin said...

aw your hair and makeup looks fabulous i love it. and don't worry about the pictures, i bet they look fabulous. and trust me i know it's easy to worry about the body, i went through the same thing and eventually i just had to learn that matt was marrying me for whatever i looked like and i just needed to love my body whatever it ended up looking like, whether i lost all the weight i wanted to or not.

also, you're lovely. :)

Fiona said...

I hoipe for your own piece of mind you end up losing even 3 kilos, those little things can really cheer a girl up. Plateaus suck !

But looking gorge there hun :) Love the family :)

terra said...

What a beautiful little family you have. And you look absolutely amazing!

I have a real hard time with pictures of me and almost always prefer to be behind the camera instead of in front it.

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