33 weeks + 3 days

It doesn't feel like all that long ago that we were counting down the days until our first ultrasound, our first OB appointment, our first peek into baby's measurements {& up her skirt, so to speak} - and now, here we are; a month away from being considered 'full term' and under seven weeks away from our due date.

How can the days go by so quickly and so slowly at the same time?

I have so many reasons why I want this pregnancy to go by quickly - I'm in the home stretch now, I'm tired, I'm starting to really feel the burn of the third trimester... and I just want my baby girl in my arms already. Also, a friend who was due closest to me just had her baby this week, and I am incredibly jealous! :)

As the exciting arrival time gets closer though, I have found myself thinking back to those early days; the ones involving the scary scans and probability ratios. If you weren't around then, we received a 'high risk' rating for abnormalities (1:169 general, 1:100 d/s) at the NT ultrasound, but opted not to undergo any invasive testing. We did this for several reasons - the risk of hurting the baby as a side effect from the amnio, and because whatever the result, we wouldn't have ended this pregnancy. It's a very personal decision to make, but we stand by it to this day.

With that said, not knowing has its difficulties too. I've watched other pregnant women go through the nerve-wracking wait for test results, but come out the other side with their reassuring 'all clear' results. I've looked on {a little jealously} as people get the simple blood test to rule out abnormalities - the one that's not commonly available here in Australia & costs thousands of dollars. Since we didn't have this option available to us, and weren't interested in the other forms of testing, our answer will become apparent at the birth.

Being given the thumbs up at the 19 week scan was a huge relief, since it meant that there were no obvious medical concerns or soft markers that flagged up. But as we all know, a healthy scan doesn't always necessarily mean a healthy baby - and it certainly wasn't able to tell us if our little girl might be born with Downs Syndrome or another chromosomal diagnosis. All we could really do was enjoy the pregnancy, and wait and see what happened at the end. And now that end is looming, I'm starting to prepare myself.

There is a 99% chance we will be blessed with a healthy baby girl. But there is a 1% chance that we'll be meeting our daughter & learning that she has special needs that we will cater to for the rest of our lives. I'm not one for betting or odds, but I do like being prepared - so I suppose it's natural that I've been thinking over all of the possibilities and doing lots of online research about living with children with special needs. I have no doubt in my mind that we'll do our absolute best as parents, regardless of what that percentage outcome says, but the unknown is still scary. My goal is to enjoy these last few weeks of the pregnancy, continue enjoying every movement that belts me from the inside out, and try to keep calm about the end result.

Whatever will be, will be. And I'm sure she'll be the most beautiful thing we've ever seen, no matter what.

6 Comments • Labels: , ,  


PMerr said...

We're (at this point) opting to not do any testing. Not even the blood tests to see if it's possible. At 12 weeks now, we're not waiting TOO much longer for our next U/S, and we also wouldn't end the pregnancy if something turned up. I'm guessing that this wasn't really around when my parents were pregnant for me, and they made it through just fine and I'm perfectly healthy.

Jess said...

This is so sweet. You guys will be fantastic parents, and exactly who your little girl needs, no matter who she turns out to be.

heidikins said...

This is just beautiful, my dear. What a wonderful post.


Stephanie said...

We did not have testing done with L either. We didnt have any indicators that anything was wrong but I just didn't want to know. I knew I would love this baby no matter what. Hugs to you and your sweet girl.

Emily Jane said...

This was a beautiful, heartfelt post and you two are going to be incredible parents to your beautiful girl. Thinking of you during the home stretch!

Our Wired Lives said...

It's been a long journey indeed. I'm so so excited for you still though. The sooner you get to meet your little girl, the sooner I get to meet my little guy.. Can't wait!

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