Incomplete

Oh hi!

I'm still here.. just drowning in a sea of pregnancy announcements, baby bumps & new babies. It's been pretty freaking hard.

To an outsider, I'm sure I seem just fine. I'll put on a happy face and smile when I'm supposed to. I'll try not to be the downer in the room, and I'll put my energy into Georgia, my family and running, and keeping busy to pass the time.

But some days, I'm so tired of pretending to not be bothered by it all. I AM bothered. I'm missing my tiny baby, I'm missing the pregnancy, I'm missing looking forward to a new baby coming home with me next year.

I'm frustrated to be waiting around again, when I 'should' have been halfway through a pregnancy and on the home stretch. I'm frustrated with people having the best luck in the world, and getting knocked up without a second thought. I'm frustrated with people who don't have to temp, to chart, to be poked and prodded and injected and inspected, just to get a shot at a baby. I'm frustrated when people who have no earthly idea what I'm feeling, tell me to be positive, or to be grateful for what I have.

As if for a second, I'm not thankful. I am. But I'm also walking around each day and feeling so very, very incomplete.


11 Comments • Labels: , , , ,  

11 comments:

jess said...

I'm really sorry that you have to travel this hard path to parenthood. I hope you get your second happy ending soon.

JB said...

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I wish that you still had that baby in your belly too. It's a terrible road to travel, especially when others never have to take the path you're on. Hoping that you can find some peace soon, even though the memory of your little boy will never go away.

Candace said...

I am so sorry you have to go through all this. It's just shitty. I'm glad you're allowing yourself to feel all the emotions - good and bad. Keep feeling them.
Sending you lots of love.

Just T said...

The pain of loss never goes away, but it does get better over time.

JustHeather said...

*hugs*

pregnant in my forties - hopefully! said...

Big hug to you hon. I don't really have anything else to bring, just a great big hug from the other side of the world xx

Katie Tripp said...

I'm so sorry. I didn't have to go through any fertility treatments, but I can still understand your feeling of incomplete. We lost a baby this summer, during the second trimester. Since the loss, we have decided that we cannot have another (medical issues, etc.) and I just keep feeling incomplete. I know it doesn't help, but you've made me feel not so alone in this mess. It's not that I'm not grateful for my two boys, I just didn't realize it would be over when it was. I just keep trying to go one day at a time. Hugs and good thoughts are coming your way.

TwoPlusOne said...

I can understand what you are going through. I really really hope that you have a positive news this month, so that this feeling does not overwhelm anymore. Lots of hugs xx.

Katelin said...

Oh friend, I'm so sorry. I can only imagine how you're feeling these days and I know it's not easy. Even though I am pregnant, I spend every day worrying and every time I hear a new pregnancy announcement I cringe just a little bit.

I can't say it'll be easier, but I will say that you have so many people rooting for you and sending so much love your way friend. xoxo

Sugar said...

Love and hugs to you!!

SecondVoice said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. And I'm sorry that you have to deal with it in the midst of baby announcements and well-wishers who don't know what to say. Stay strong.





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