It's Over.. but it's Beginning Again

I'm relieved (happy? sad? devastated?) to say that yesterday at 5.5 weeks pregnant {in theory} the miscarriage officially started. Levels had dropped earlier this week, so I was waiting anxiously for something to happen. On Monday, hcg was 17 & progesterone was 10. By Thursday, they were < 2 and the bleeding started. I'm no longer pregnant.

This has been the longest few weeks of my life, honestly. I'm mentally exhausted. But I really am relieved. I know the baby has been gone for a while now, but I feel like I have a little more closure now that it's happened, you know?
The first time around, the actual loss itself was harder - being that much further along, having seen the baby's heart beating and bonded with them already. This time, it's a bit strange. Nobody wants to talk about it with me, I guess they just don't know what to say. But even though it's earlier, the disappointment is just the same. The hopes being crushed, well, that doesn't get any easier with time, or experience.

But... there's a silver lining to everything happening on its own, and not dragging out too long.
Today is CD2, and I started jabbing with the Puregon this morning. I've never done an antagonist (short) cycle before, so I'm really excited to just get on with things - no long down regulation, no birth control, just getting the show on the road.

I've never been happier to stick myself with pointy needles! :)

I'm hopeful that we might do okay this time around. Maybe one of these eggs can lead to our baby.

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JB said...

Sending you lots of hugs and positive thoughts and prayers as you begin your new cycle. xoxo

Non Sequitur Chica said...

Oh my what a rollercoaster you have been on the past few months. I hope that this cycle goes well for you!

Anna said...

Hoping for the best for you on this new cycle. You've really been the the wringer this year -- fingers crossed that things start looking up!

Unknown said...

Good luck with the new cycle!!

Kato Potato said...

I'm glad you can start being proactive again and that you could get a little closure on the last loss. I really hope for your sake that you don't have to endure any more losses!

pregnant in my forties - hopefully! said...

So sorry for everything but glad there is closure - and sending you so much love for this next cycle xxx

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