FET #4 - Let's Get It Started

My period arrived yesterday, during a visit from a lovely lady who came bearing a chai latte and a box of maltesers - that's a good friend, right there. Funnily enough, the last time I saw her was during my first failed cycle of this year while I was also waiting for a period... and guess what came the next day? You guessed it! I think we're going to have to start calling her Aunty Flo. 

Today is CD2. This morning I started taking progynova tablets - the form of oestrogen my clinic uses for HRT FET cycles. The side effects look... fun. Breast tenderness, breast pain, abdominal pain, nausea, oedema, headache, skin rash, insomnia and depression.

Let's face it... I'd take any of those symptoms if it meant I was able to grow a healthy baby in my belly.

As I write this, I'm feeling pretty numb. I'm excited that we're off, but that's about it. These past few months have been nothing but disappointments, getting left behind over and over again. I'm hopeful, but I'm also realistic. I'm not naive enough to think that just because we're trying a new approach means that we'll get pregnant. If only it was as easy for us as it was for {seemingly} everybody else.

I haven't been as vocal about starting this new round. The support groups I've been a part of don't feel the same as they used to... and I think I'm at the point in my journey where people just don't know what to say anymore. Add that to the fact that I've been feeling so damned uncomfortable around friends who are pregnant - despite my best efforts and attempts at putting on a brave face - and I feel more alone than ever right now. I guess this time around is proving to be very much about hubby & I fumbling through together.

Here we go.


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9 comments:

Molly said...

I'm so sorry you're feeling lonely in this. Sending you hugs, and hoping that this cycle is the one!

~Mum~ said...

you're not alone
you know Dad and I are here for you no matter what
we love you all so much

Kate said...

Yay for the start of AF!
I'm sorry you're feeling alone, hopefully this supportive community helps that a little bit...
I will be keeping fingers crossed for you this cycle, c'mon FET!

Rebecca said...

AF is never really welcome when trying to conceive. Just hoping that with the beginning of this new cycle you have another chance.

Chon said...

If it's any consolation you know I'm a HUGE infertility basket case. But yeah I hear you on support. The people are awesome but when you are the one that still can't get this shit sorted you feel even more alone.

Northern Star said...

Good luck! I sort of thought that attempts at baby 2 would be easier emotionally b/c I have a child I'm paeenting already. Maybe it's easier - hard to measure... But it's painfully challenging nonetheless. All the best this go around for you guys! Fingers crossed for a successful cycle and a smooth pregnancy!

theelusivebfp said...

I have everything crossed for you! I'll be following you along on your journey and hoping this is it and you have a successful FET X

Non Sequitur Chica said...

I'm crossing everything that this is a great cycle for you!!

L said...

Ughh I can totally relate to the feelings of loneliness. Sometimes I feel like no one in my life understands and the more I try and divulge, the worse I feel because it just makes me realize no one gets it!!! Thinking of you and crossing my fingers this is it!





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