FET #8 - Probably Another Loss

Well, all my optimism has failed me... and I was doing so well. It looks like this FET is also going to be another early loss.

Yesterday (5dp5dt - or 10dpo) was early to start peeing, but I've had squinters in the past - and surprise! We had a squinter this time too! It's hard to see, but it's there - when hubby can see it, you know you're not imagining things.

This morning's however, is even fainter than yesterday - which doesn't bode well for this one. One squinter on its own? Well, okay.. every pregnancy has to start somewhere. Two squinters, with no progression? Yeah, we know where this is headed.

I've decided I'm done with stick peeing. I can't handle the disappointment of another early miscarriage every single time I use a pregnancy test. All these losses have just sucked the joy straight out of this process, and it leaves me with dread instead.

Beta is next Tuesday, the 9th. My gut is telling me that little Olaf will have either a) fizzled out by then, or b) be barely hanging in there. So long as this loss doesn't drag out like the last one did, I guess that's that.

I'm really frustrated, you guys. This brings us over 2 years of TTC #2, 3 full IVF stim cycles, 8 transfers, months of endless waiting around - and still no closer to a baby. What do we have to do to get pregnant with a sticky baby? Are we doomed to sit and watch everyone else move ahead without us? Why does this keep happening?

I'm angry at my clinic. I want them to try new things, to throw some steroids at me, to do some more testing, to try and figure out what is going wrong - obviously my body is trying its hardest to get pregnant, but something has to give. Are the remaining 6 frosties we have even worth using? I can't do 6 more cycles, 6+ more months of endless miscarriages or negatives. We want to do whatever it takes to have another baby, but I'm just feeling so broken.

Anyway... if I'm quiet for the next week, you'll know why. No false hopes anymore, just resigned to wait for the week and get the official result from the bloodwork when we get there. This just sucks. :(


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8 comments:

Mrs. Higrens said...

Oh Aly,
I'm so sorry this cycle doesn't seem to be the one. It hurts so bad to not know, not understand why month after month passes without getting or staying pregnant when every woman and her sister seem to be getting pregnant without any effort at all.

Hope is such a cruel bitch.

Jen Kunze said...

It's such a horrible heartbreaking process. I think you need to change clinics, you can transfer your frosties. You need a fs who is willing to try everything, just like mine did!

Kato Potato said...

God damnit. It's not fair. I'm sorry. :(

Jess said...

I am so sorry to hear this. I also want you to find a clinic that will do EVERYTHING. There is a famous one here in Colorado called CCRM--celebrities come here just for it, and they have a really high success rate because they will throw everything at everyone. There must be a clinic like that in Australia too! Fingers crossed you can find one...

Feisty Harriet said...

Oh honey, I'm so sorry you have to go through this yet again. I cannot even imagine.

xox

Cassie Dash said...

Oh, God. I'm so sorry, Aly. This isn't fair and having no answers is the worst. I really hope you can find that magic thing that works for you. xo

Anonymous said...

You have one bio kid. It breaks my heart to see someone breaking their own heart (and spending thousands in the process) doing IVF for years, and knowing there are kids out there with the same desperate hope that someday they'll get a forever family. ADOPT!

~Mum~ said...

how dare you anonymous
HOW DARE YOU
you don't know my daughter and the anguish this causes her. You don't think she hasn't thought of every possible option there is
and to hide behind an 'anonymous' name is so brave of you
if you have a problem with my daughters choices and sharing of her fertility issues - don't read it and go somewhere else





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