Lurking.

I can barely even start this post, because I am about to smack someone.

Actually, scratch that. I am going to smack someone. Be right back.

Right. It's done. Feeling better now.

What the heck am I getting so annoyed about? It's the dreaded L-word.

My dear boyfriend is a lurker. I'm not just talking about the kind of lurker who reads your blog but never comments, even though he meets that criteria. No, he is the kind of lurker who quite literally reads over my shoulder all of the time. I don't think he quite 'gets' why I blog, but that doesn't stop him from sticking his nose in.

(You know our relationship has got to be pretty awesome when the most annoying thing I can bring up is him actually showing an interest in my blog writing.)

But it truly does drive me mental. Such a trivial thing, but whenever he starts peering at my screen whilst I'm typing, I get the overwhelming urge to clobber him. I reckon if he's going to lurk, he should be forced to comment every now and again. It's the least he could do, since his lurking means I can't really whinge about him.. too much.

How about you - does your significant other read your writing? And if you're significant other-less, would you particularly want them to know about it?


72 Comments • Labels: ,  

72 comments:

nancypearlwannabe said...

Every time I start to tell Chris about a post I am writing or let him read it while I am writing I regret it. I'm doing just fine on my own, thank you, I didn't ask for a critique! But he does comment sometimes, so there's that.

Solomon Broad said...

I wouldn't want them to know. It's odd, but I'm prepared to share my thoughts with the internet at large, yet I don't want my family to know the URL. It's not because I blog about them, either. It would just creep me out for them to know that stuff about me without me telling them.

Lacey Bean said...

Dave reads it and comments... so I guess I can't really complain!

Leslie said...

It drives me crazy too. I am fortunate that I can blog mostly whilst at work so it usually only happens on the weekends. However, he has no clue what my blog address is, so there's no way he could find it on his own on the web!

AtomiK Kitten said...

Did said smacking fix the problem?

elise said...

Cody reads my blog. I love it, because the guy I dated for ages who ended up being awful never took any interest whatsoever; now I equate taking interest in things I enjoy with good character :)

alana said...

Ugggh that drives me nuts too! Totally understand your frustration.

Audrey said...

Tim reads my blog daily and occasionally comments. But if I ever catch him reading while I'm writing I put a stop to it then and there. My posts in draft-mode are fit for nobody's eyes but mine, and I get all twitchy if he starts trying to read my stuff before it's fit for viewing.

Sarah said...

John never reads, which in some ways is nice cause I can rant without causing more problems, but it sometimes also makes me feel like he doesn't take any interest in something that's very important and cathartic to me. No lurking, just nothing. Says he lives it, so why should he read about it? It's a valid point, but still!

Hope the smacking helped!

Vanessa said...

My S.O. knows I blog, but doesn't read it. I kinda like it because it gives me license to express about him when he peeves me off. And that can be often. Read a few dinner disasters if you don't believe me. I cook a whole meal, he looks at it and says, I'm not eating that, cook again? WTF? Perhaps its time for a new S.O.!

velocibadgergirl said...

MB has known about my blog all along (2+ years), but only started reading very recently. He's a lurker, and usually doesn't even tell me that he's read stuff unless I mention something and he replies with, "I know, I saw it on your blog."

I have to agree with you that over-the-shoulder reading is a highly smack-worthy offense! Drives me bananas.

heidikins said...

Handsome V reads my blog, comments on it verbally to me (only one has been published so far) and understands that it's good for me to write and is ok with the fact that I have friends I've never met. I don't (usually) use my blog for personal attacks or rants, I save those for in-person conflict resolution, so I don't really mind. BUt I don't let him read anything that is in draft form; that's like allowing him inside my head before I have crafted witty and psychologically correct sentences. So not ok. ;o)

Good post, strikes a chord with most people, I think.

xox

Raven said...

He reads and comments :)

I hate it when he reads over my shoulder WHILE I am typing though, it drives me nuts.

Dutchess of Kickball said...

First of all I never ever ever tell my bf's about my blog becuase I blog about them, and I certainly don't want them reading my innermost thoughts about our relationshp.

Secondly, I used to have a boss that we nicknamed The Lurker. He would come to my cubicle an just stand there behind my chair, much too close, long after our conversation was over. It got so bad I cracked out some red tape and made a boundary of my cube so people knew where was appropriate to stand. We also made up a song about him to the tune of My Name is Luka. It was terrible.

katelin said...

I hate it when people look over my shoulder as I type anything, it just freaks me out.

mostprepossessing said...

My husband has no interest in my blog. When he asks what I'm typing I tell him to read my blog later, but he never does. So, at least your bf is interested!

Deutlich said...

Honestly? I think if I were dating someone than I'd trust them enough to let them read my blog. I don't talk about anything in it that I haven't or wouldn't say IRL, you know?

But reading over my shoulder? I couldn't get with that.

Nope.

Deutlich said...

*THEN not than.

oy

Margaret said...

Well I don't think that I would want my significant other (if I had one) to know about my blog.

It's where I get to vent without consequences. Having said that I do speak my mind freely with all those around me so it's not like they would really learn a whole lot of new stuff.

Kenzie said...

No, I already complain, or tell him the things I want him to know. Which is defintely a lot more than I tell other people. But my blog? No. No. That is my baby. MY place of saneness. Having anyone I "know" read it would not be okay. I would probably have to make a new blog.

Mick said...

Ha..and I get annoyed when LaLa only skims my posts!

Teacher A said...

R reads my blog. I didn't know for a while, but then he talked to me about something I had posted. He mostly talks about it when he feels he's being misrepresented.

In the end, I'm fine with him reading my blog. I tell him pretty much anything anyway. I don't like him reading over my shoulder while I'm writing, but he rarely does that (as he hates it when people read things over his shoulder, even if it's just an article).

Katie said...

Phill reckons it's funny that I blog. He can't see the appeal in it. I don't even think he reads my blog. The only time he mentions it is if he's trying to play Counter-Strike online or something and my blog is making him lag. Apart from that, nothing. If my blog was more personal I wouldn't want him reading it, but since it's mostly about Puddy, I wouldn't mind if he sees it.

He helps me download and install plugins, so he's quite active with it but only behind the scenes.

Lara said...

for me personally - i think largely because of how important my blog is to who i am - i could never be with someone who didn't read every single one of my posts. whether he comments or not isn't as important to me, but he would have to show an interest in something so central to who i am. just like he would have to attend dance shows i'm in and cheer me on, he would need to read my writing and pay attention to how i use words. i just couldn't do without it.

Bettina said...

my hubby reads my blog, but not while I'm writing it!

Lightening said...

Mine only reads if he HAS to. Or if I talk about a particular post - then he wants to read it. In general though, he hates reading. Which I think is kinda sad.

Jacinta said...

There are definitely days when I wish for anonymity... knowing I can write anything without offending anyone or making them cry (not really likely even on the cranky days). I have been very open about my blogging and lots of people lurk friends and strangers. I love to hear people's comments and wish more would say hi.
As for your dilema, I totally understand, particularly when you are in edit mode and you just want to be left to get on with it without interruption.

Fiona said...

Rish reads it... and complains that I sometimes do thing, write about them, but haven't told him... it may have been in my head at the time of writing, but I'd moved on since!

Kirsten said...

Boyfriend reads my blog, so I don't feel like I can be as open as I used to be when I started it. Whenever he hears me typing furiously, he has to ask me what I'm typing about. He doesn't look over my shoulder because he's too busy playing WOW, so at least I don't have that to deal with.

Zandria said...

My significant other reads my blog, but I would never allow him to read over my shoulder as I typed. I hate for other people to stand behind me when I'm typing, even if they truly AREN'T reading what I'm writing. It makes me too self-conscious! I can't concentrate!

kirby said...

another good thing about my blog being passworded is that CSB can't find it...
Parts of it I don't care if they're read.. the parts concerning him... not so keen on the idea.

janet said...

my husband sister mom dad mil sil aunts etc etc all read my blog and comment maybe 1% of the time. So, it's not just you!

Queen Bee said...

Okay. Yeah. Can TOTALLY relate. B found out about my blog about a month after I created it, but he didn't tell me. My idea was to keep it a secret from everyone, including him. When I found out he knew about it, I went crazy. I told him he wasn't supposed to know about it. So he deleted it and didn't pursue it further. Until about 6 weeks later when he asked if it was okay to read yet.
I laughed, and said, "Oh. I didn't expect you to listen to me!"
But I have to admit, I hated keeping it from him. It's much easier to share everything with him.

Kristabella said...

I'm already self-conscious enough that I wouldn't want someone reading over my shoulder.

EmilyPie said...

Thankfully, mu husband is starting to understand this blogging thing a bit more now... but when I told m employer I needed off in July for the Blogher conference... she was like..."What is a blog?"

will said...

I have a semi-significant other, I and I don't think I would write anything I wouldn't want her to read. I'm not exactly anonymous, my blog is named Will Braden.

I can't stand people reading over my shoulder. Even if they don't intend to be bothersome, it will inevitably affect the writing. It's on par with a girl staring at you and tapping her fingers while you put on a condom.

Elle said...

The SO doesn't read my blog, quite frankly because he doesn't know this one exists - although he used to read my old one. I've no problem with it, and wouldn't really have a problem with him reading my blog now although I know for a fact he'll make silly comments! :)

Princess Pointful said...

My bf actually got my into blogging, as he used to be a more avid blogger than me, and I adored reading his writing when we first started hanging out. It was him who suggested I write, so, yeah, I let him see it. He is one of the few RL people who know I blog.
I don't really mind, because I don't do a whole lot of just talking about my real life in it. I do wish he commented, more, because I would like to get a sense of how much he actually reads it!!

Meg said...

Reminds me of that Shania Twain lyric "You hang over my shoulder when I read my mail". Drives me crazy too, but doesn't last long once he gets the "death" glare!

nicoleantoinette said...

My boyfriend reads my blog but never comments, which I'm totally okay with. But the reading over the shoulder? is never okay and always annoying as hell. When anyone does it.

James said...

I'd like to take this opportunity to say hello to your boyfriend... "Hello"

Why don't you right some damn right lies about him on this blog then that might spur him into defending himself in the comments.

Kelly said...

Matt knows I blog, but I made it clear that it was my venting space, and that I'd rather he didn't read it. He goes out to play pool to unwind, and I blog. Simple.

I do tell him all about my "bloggy friends" though, and you know he knows all bout you! LOL

Whenever something funny happens though, he says to me, "oh, you HAVE to blog that!" So cute :D

pinkjellybaby said...

Mine reads, and blogs... so i hardly ever write much about him.... but i can't physically write blogs when he's around, so i usually do it from work!

michelle and the city said...

i have a lurker on my hands as well. although not the peering over my shoulder kind. that would drive me nuts!

rachel said...

brian sometimes watches, but rarely. i don't even think he reads it at all.... he has his own blog and its pretty much totally focused on that. the only time he sees something i post i think is if i specifically show him.

ashley said...

ooooh man.

i stopped blogging BECAUSE my then-fiance was annoyed that i'd want to share my thoughts with the whole world, including strangers.

he definitely didn't "get" that it made me happy.

:(

Jason said...

My wife reads my blog all the time does, and I dont feel a good about a post until she gives me her verbal comments. She never posts any comments, but thats ok :)

rye said...

My fiance VERY RARELY reads my blog. Sometimes I get all "hurt feelings!" about it, but he promotes it to all his friends, so I guess that kind of makes up for it. He's VERY supportive about all of my writing ... but rarely does he read, and only ONCE has he ever commented. So I hear ya!

Miss A said...

I am significant-other-less. However, it would takea while for me to tell a partner that I blogged, and even then, I may not easily pass over the details.

Operation Pink Herring said...

Joel occassionally reads my blog. He has never commented. We have a strict rule that he's either allowed to say something nice or nothing at all. Listing every typo I made and every inaccuracy I reportd (it was Tuesday morning, not Wednesday, and we had rotini pasta, not penne, etc) is grounds for a kick in the balls.

So what I'm saying is.. it's not just you!

Noelle said...

Even worse is knowing that your ex-boyfriend is a lurker. I don't mind, it just means I tend to write with that in mind. Also, I'm cheesed that he gets to know what's going on with me and I don't know what's going on with him.

Candy said...

The odd chance my husband MIGHT find my blog and read it keeps me from posting the hairy truth. Every once in a while, though, I print something out and let him read it. He finds it interesting, but he's never asked for full disclosure.

Stephanie said...

Brooks, my husband, doesn't know about the blog so he definately doesn't read unless he is a secret blog reader. The only blog I think he would read is on espn.com!

I like it being my private little space where I am free to write as I like. I am not sure him knowing would change that though.

Jamie said...

I told my boyfriend about my blog when it was first starting. He reads it regularly. I think he commented like once and that's it!

Julie said...

Tim only reads when I tell him that I wrote something funny or embarrassing about him.
But secretly I think he reads it sometimes without telling me.

Virginia Gal said...

**raising my hand** I'm a over the shoulder reader, and it does drive DH nuts. Newspaper ads, magazines, computer screen. It's all fair game to me. Sometimes what really drives him insane is that I won't pay any attention to something, but once he's reading it or looking at it, I get all interested.

Also, DH knows that I have a blog but I don't think he knows the URL or reads it since he never says anything to me about it. He just usually makes fun of me and threatens me not to put anything too personal on it.

Katie said...

Ha ha, you are too cute. Jon does read and comment on my blog occasionally. The thing that bothers me is when I'm catching up on blogs and he constantly asks, "whatcha doing?" ARGHHHHH!!! :)

Nic said...

I'm open about it. I don't think my parents care, I don't hide it from work. I think most people in my life feel it's just narcissistic, and well, whatever.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

OH MY GOD. I hate that, I think tis one of THEE worst things. I'm currently living at home- help em lord- just mvoed back for a month, thnak god I leave in a week and MY MOTHER and FATHER and SISTER are always reading over m shoulder. especially when i'm writing a blog. I find it so incredibly irritating.

Virginia said...

Ooh I can definitely see how that would be a little annoying! I usually blog here at the office (I know, it's wrong) and anyone who walks by my cube has a full view of my computer screen. Risky? Yes. Annoying? Yes. Anything I can do about it? No.

Ree said...

I told Mr. Hot he could read. He prefers not to. ;-)

Probably a good thing.

bleeding espresso said...

See this is why it's good to have a partner who doesn't speak English....

grungedandy said...

Yep R reads my blog but not my posts on other people’s blogs so I can say what a sweetie I think he is here with out him getting all embarrassed like! Hehe. Although if he did a search on google for grungedandy there is just me so I’d get busted & as he’s the IT expert I’d be sooo busted & my site would just vanish so I HAVE to be good to him! Booo. I originally started bloging because of my art which R supports so he has no problem with my bloging I never really expected it to become as big as it has. I’m trying to blog more & lurk less but I’d never do the thing over the shoulder I dislike that strongly. Not everyone gets bloging just like not every one gets writing a journal or diary “into every generation …..” or is that Buffy? LOL anyhoo hopefully you get what I’m trying to say most of us here are into bloging to some extent, some people like face book, some people think that all technology after the wheel is evil & must be destroyed before it kills us all! Seeya hugya *G*

Kiraa said...

I told my last boyfriend about my blog and even begggged him to write a guestpost but he just didn't care! He totally was uninterested. I wonder why we broke up, huh?

natalie said...

Can't tell you how many times I've had to lock Annie in the laundry room for reading over my shoulder and breathing her hot doggie breath down my neck as I try to blog. Sheesh!

Emily said...

Ron is usually at work when I'm blogging, but when he's home, I sometimes have to use the F11 button on my Mac (which instantly clears my desktop) to remind him not to read over my shoulder while I'm working. I'm still trying to break him of standing in the doorway while I'm working on something and asking, "Whatcha working on?" He reads my blog every day, which I like, but I don't want him bugging me while I'm writing.

On a totally unrelated note, I would like to thank you for telling me about Spaghetti-O's on toast, which I am eating right now. I think this may become a Friday-night tradition....

Laurel said...

Every time I get on the computer, to blog, write and email, even read the news, I turn away from AS because it drives me nuts to have him staring over my shoulder! Jason, we love you, but back off!

lisa said...

I was just thinking that I'd love to complain about my hubby, but I can't because he reads my blog. And he has made me take down stuff in the past, because it "makes him look bad" and he is in the "public eye". F that. Today he is yelling at me for no reason. Well, he is worried about his job, it's just no reason of my own fault. But then he says I started it. Whatever. Thanks for giving me a public place to air my grievances that he will never see. Whew, I feel MUCH better.

Bee said...

Ha! Jinx! (sort of) Been a bit slow on my rounds and now see we are on similar pages.
Well, an unpleasant encounter with Mac has stopped him looking over my shoulder... but...
I would LOVE to comment about him on my blog, VENT in fact. But can't. Sigh.
I'm with Lisa (above). In fact, while I'm here why don't I vent a bit? Yes.
Ok, I am getting really peeved at his frequent moodiness that he takes out on me. I am tired too. I am up all night with the baby too. I would like to get more sleep too. There. Said it.

Princess Polly said...

Was he reading this one over your shoulder while you typed???

ashley said...

My boyfriend is a lurker too. I almost wish that he didn't know about my blog so that I would have somewhere to vent ab out him sometimes. Ha. Oh well. That's a guy for you.

Lys said...

When people read over my shoulder, it drives me batty! I detest it. My boss does it and I just want to say "Can I move back and you can sit here" I mean, seriously?

As for lurking at the blog, I have one - in the form of my mother. My father reads it and laughs, she reads it and freaks. And she logs in about 3-4 times a day. Oh brother.





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