I still can't believe we're actually here. Each day that passes {without a period in sight} is a relief. I said to Jase the other day that I was still waiting for someone to jump out of the bushes and tell me that I'm being punked.

If I wasn't seeing positives on pregnancy tests, I'd be pretty clueless about the fact that I'm currently knocked up.

This morning I had a mild panic attack when my pregnancy tests (yes, I'm still peeing on sticks) looked fainter than yesterday. I took another digital too, and I freaked out because it still says 1-2 weeks pregnant. (It said that on Sunday.. shouldn't it be further?) Thankfully, my lovely Twitter friends talked me off the ledge a little bit, and the IVF clinic has agreed to do a beta test tomorrow at 17dpo. My fingers are crossed for the results. I hope they're ok.

The only thing that's been really different for me is the extreme tiredness. I blamed a lot of that on feeling poorly from the cold I've been nursing this past week - but I've been in bed by 8.30am for the last few days. I'd get to 2pm and be counting the minutes down until I could finish work, get home, and lie down. It's been so, so exhausting.

I've had a little stomach tenderness, odd cramping and some pains. No nausea or puking, but a few other, er, tummy upsets. I also find that if I don't eat as soon as I get hungry, I start feeling pretty gross. That's new for me.

I haven't got sore boobs, though. I keep mashing them every few hours to see if they hurt, but they feel totally fine. Is it weird that I want them to get a little sore now and again, just so I feel like things are actually happening?

It's strange being so naive about all of this. I've never once gotten past seeing negative pee sticks & for all of the crazy TTC research I've done over the years, I'm a total newbie at being pregnant. And also a bit of a stress head.

*Be warned: this blog post contains pee sticks a-plenty.

This past week has been crazy. The TWW went by like any other - but it was a lot more bearable this time around, since it was a 5-day transfer. I knew I wouldn't be able to hold out until August 15th, but I was trying to wait until at least 10dpo before testing. This was the first indication I had that something might have been going on.

The top was 5am, second was 7am on internet cheapies. I was positive that I had a serious case of 'line eye' at this stage, or that it was an evap line. Needless to say, I peed on another stick (or four) the following morning at 11dpo.

I could see something again on the internet cheapie, but only faint smudges on the other sticks. It wasn't enough to convince me. Roll on to 12dpo... and I saw something. That something that was enough to make me sit on my bathroom floor and freak out - I could see the line without squinting! What do I do now? Is this real? Oh em gee.

This is the day that I decided to tell Jase - I'd kept things quiet before then, because I was terrified to get his hopes up, only to find that the lines disappeared. He called out to see if I'd drowned in the toilet (ha, ha) and I left my little bubble to shove the pee sticks in his face. I wrapped them quickly in the onesie I'd bought the day before (just in case, you know) and watched his face change from confusion, to surprise, to happiness. It was such an awesome moment.


I kept peeing, of course. I wanted to see that line get darker and darker. This was 13dpo, getting darker...


... and darker again at 14dpo. Huzzah! This whole pee stick thing is awesome, but kind of addictive. I'm hooked.


I had blood drawn for a beta yesterday afternoon, but won't know my numbers for a few days yet. I'm praying it's exactly where it should be, this early on. This morning's sticks still looked pretty dark though, thank goodness.


Tomorrow, Wednesday, is when I was supposed to hold out until before peeing on a stick. I have to call the clinic and let them know the result, and then wait to see what they say next. It's all very new to us!

If any of our real life friends or family members are reading this, I'd ask that you please keep this information quiet for now. We've got a long way to go, and we're not quite ready to share our news with the whole world yet - the online world is enough for us right now! We appreciate your good wishes & hope you'll respect our tiny little secret. Thanks!

Can you say 'holy shizballs?' That stick is mine. And it says pregnant! Apparently, IVF #2 did the trick.

(I normally wouldn't be announcing a pregnancy this early, but I've always been open on the blog about how we've been struggling - and it would be really silly to lie/just avoid the topic for the next three months. That being said, it's early days yet - so fingers and toes are crossed that this all works out for the best. More details to come!)

If any of our real life friends or family members are reading this, I'd ask that you please keep this information quiet for now. We've got a long way to go, and we're not quite ready to share our news with the whole world yet - the online world is enough for us right now! We appreciate your good wishes & hope you'll respect our tiny little secret. Thanks!

The Siren will be available from 29 August online at Harlequin and in bookstores nationally for RRP AUS $19.99. There's also an upcoming Q&A with the novel's authoress coming up, if you're so inclined!

Thanks to the folks at Harlequin Australia & Morey Media for sending me a copy of The Siren to read and review.

Everything feels different this time around. I think the relief from hearing the good news on transfer day has stayed with me, because I'm feeling ... dare I say it.. chipper? What? Me? WHO AM I? I don't know this person.

We were so happy. Hubby looked thrilled, studying the chart on the wall that showed embryo development & pointing out where ours was. It was really cute. Then, the scientist appeared (the one that made me cry the other day by telling me that 'I'll get 20 eggs next time!') and asked us this:


I quite literally had to hold the tears in (happy ones) as the doctor transferred our blasty, and that was that. Just like last time, I waddled my way back to the car, knees together, praying it wouldn't fall out.

I know it's silly to read into things, but this cycle feels so much different to the first one. We actually have options this time, and we're doing ok. Not only that, everyone around me appears to be pregnant right now - we walked right into a group of pregnant women doing a hospital tour just before the transfer, and even our nurse at the centre was pregnant. I wonder if it's a sign? :)

Bring on the TWW!

After my first IVF retrieval, I remember feeling that awkward pressure/pain in my nether regions, which lasted a few days after the procedure. By Day 3, when my one surviving embryo was transferred, the pains had vanished, and I was just left with the overwhelmingly attractive bloat that stayed with me until my cycle was over.

This text message:

Man, I feel like our luck just keeps going from bad to worse. Why is IVF proving so rubbish for us?

The doctor doing the egg retrieval was pretty good today! I still didn't fully relax, but it was a LOT less painful this time around. Sedation and I don't go well together. While that was good, as was his IV skills, unfortunately, they only retrieved 3 eggs.

I was feeling ok (since 3 out of the 4 follicles they'd told me about wasn't too bad) but then we had bad news from hubby. His first sample didn't have enough motile swimmers, so he was asked back for a second sample. We had to wait about an hour to see a scientist (apparently they have meetings on Monday?) and my cheerful post-op nature suddenly turned to tiredness. To top it all off, the scientist was a bit flippant with us, which led me to burst into tears in the exam room.

Basically, the sperm weren't motile, even from the second sample, that we have now been swapped from IVF to ICSI. Knowing that not every egg is mature, we're looking at 1-2 fertilising IF we're lucky.. so no frosties again, and no 5-day transfer (unless the gods deem us lucky and have 3 from 3 fertilise - not likely).

She then said something about 'oh, next time I'm sure you'll get 20 eggs!' and I just lost it. I'm so tired of this whole 'next time around' thing. It sucks. I don't WANT there to be a next time around. I want eggs to play with, not to stress out about for the next 24 hours to see if we have ANY left at all. I want to get to blast @ day 5, but the reality is looking like a 3-day again, if we get there.

Sorry for the blah news, but I'm just disappointed. Aren't the IVF rounds supposed to get BETTER as you go on, not worse? I just hope the news we get tomorrow, on my 28th birthday, isn't all bad.

Update: The fertility centre just rang, and said J's second sample was much better after it was washed, so they're reverting back to regular old IVF. Now the wait is on to see how they go tomorrow.

The trigger last night was as easy as pie. After two rounds of injections, I've discovered an easy spot on my tummy.

I wonder if tomorrow will hurt as much as it did the first time around? I'm going to make sure I mention the fact that the sedation didn't work - but I don't know what else they can do.

Have my eggs grown since Friday? I don't know. I'm bloated, I'm tired, I'm tender. But I'm also being realistic. Even though there were 4 large ones, that doesn't necessarily mean all will contain eggs. I guess time will tell.

Hubby has a cold, so I'm now worried that things might not be so great with his part of the deal.

I'm going to load up my new Kindle (huzzah - an early birthday pressie!) with some books for the waiting around tomorrow pre & post-retrieval. I need more suggestions. Any ideas?