9dp3dt = BFN.

I made a bit of a concession; I only peed on an el cheapo stick today. Sick of the laughingly obvious single lines on the First Response sticks. At least with the internet cheapies, I can pretend it's more ambiguous. (It's not.)

I had some spotting last night after I inserted the Crinone applicator. It continued overnight, and I noticed it more this morning. All day, I had this feeling that I was bleeding, that I needed to go to the bathroom - not an easy feat when you're a teacher and are stuck with your kids for long periods at a time! Despite the feeling though, I've not had any spotting today. I feel gross, but the progesterone must be keeping it at bay for now.

It's getting harder now. A mum at work brought her two-week old newborn in for cuddles today, and he was absolutely precious - such a good baby. Another of my parents (from last year) just annouced she is 12-weeks along, with her fifth baby. And a colleague's daughter went into labour today and is expecting her little boy in the next few hours. I'm surrounded by so much beautiful news, but I'm just wanting to stay home and hide from everyone.

But, I'll be okay. I always am. I'm trying to think ahead - I'm going to do my best to will the next few months away until we're ready to get on with IVF#2, if finances allow it. And in 17 days time, I'll become a momma - to this little guy {or one of his brothers}. If that's not something positive to look forward to, I don't know what is.

{Photo taken by Kirby}

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Court said...

I'm so sorry that you're surrounded by pregnancy news all around. Praying that you can find peace in the coming days. Thank you for sharing your story and experience, and for being so raw with your emotions.

sass @ (In)fertility Unexplained said...

I'm so sorry you haven't gotten the news we hoped and hoped for. I know how hard this is, and there is very little that can make it better.

That puppy, though, I adore. How incredibly precious. I'm glad he'll be around to keep you company during this journey. Take care!

Mrs Green Grass said...

The puppy is soo cute! Stella has really helped me out in this process. At least I've had some(one) to take care of and I still get unconditional love in return.

Anonymous said...

Sending you lots of love and hugs Aly!

Cady said...

I am so, so sorry. I'm continuing to send prayers and hugs your way.

Anonymous said...

I don't know you nor have I read your blog for very long, but I've been praying for you and your miracle baby. I think you still need to have some hope that it's going to be positive. Just wait and see on beta day, but don't ruin your chances now by already throwing in the towel.

DandelionBreeze said...

I'm so sorry that you're going through this... every BFN is so hard and especially difficult when seeing little babies. I still find it hard to look at or cuddle newborns. Thinking of you with all my heart and hope that your gorgeous little puppy brings some peace to your heart over these difficult weeks xoxo

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