I feel like I don't have much to give in the way of blogging right now. These past few weeks have dragged on like crazy, and I am no closer to my next IVF cycle in any way, shape or form. As is usual for me, I've got no signs of ovulation whatsoever and I'm just so over this whole rubbish.
The pregnancy announcements are coming out of the woodwork right now, and I'm completely wrecked with each one. Every excited blog post, or text message, or facebook announcement, or forum post is just another dagger; it's just another reminder of everyone else so easily achieving what I can't. And when people who have been TTC for as long, or longer than me, announce their own pregnancies? I am happy... but I'm also devastated.
I am so tired of being on this side of the fence. I'm so tired of being positive and cheerful for everyone else, when I'm dying on the inside with every one. I'm sick of pretending to be okay when I see accidental pregnancies happen, when I hear people complain about their kids, when lucky ladies who only started trying in 2012 have already seen those two pink lines appear.
I feel numb.
Today is CD16 and I've got nothing to report. 9 days of Highs on the CBFM & not a positive OPK in sight. If I get no signs of ovulation by CD22 (the latest I ever O'ed on Clomid previously was CD21) I'm taking Provera and ending this whole, time-wasting cycle. Don't even get me started on the agony of doing another long down-regulation IVF, because it means that nothing is going to happen around these parts for a really long time. My womb is staying barren for a long while yet.
The only saving grace I have right now is Jase - and the fur babies. The kitties let me smother them in cuddles, and Spencer pup is a crazy happy ball of energy. They make my bad days that little bit better.
Monday, 28 May 2012
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Blah Blah PCOS
The Fur Babies
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14 Comments • Labels: Blah Blah PCOS, Emotions, IVF, The Fur Babies, TTC
This entry was posted on 17:09 and is filed under Blah Blah PCOS , Emotions , IVF , The Fur Babies , TTC . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.