Acceptance & Perspective

I can't really explain it well, but I feel like I'm reaching a turning point in our infertility journey.

We are far from being done, we have many miles left in us yet - we're strong enough to keep trying new things and hang in there, so it's not that. It's just.. something feels different.

Maybe I'm more resigned to the journey now. Maybe the comparisons between how we finally managed to get Georgia in our arms & the goal of bringing home a new baby are finally starting to dissipate. Maybe it's that I've realised that I won't be one of those people you hear about, who get a random miracle happen their first go, or before their next cycle starts, or without any medical intervention whatsoever. Maybe it's just that changing clinics and getting ready to start again has left me with a little bit of fresh hope. Maybe it's a combination of all of those things put together.

It's about acceptance. Accepting the good, the bad, the ugly. The happy, the sad, and the jealousy. The highs, the lows, the numbness. The positive days, and the days where I don't feel like there is an end in sight. The times where I feel hopeful that we've got this, we can do this... and the times where it feels like nearly everyone around me has what we both want so desperately, and all we can do is watch on.

It's also about perspective. Losing my Nan, watching my Pop fall apart without her there, and seeing family try to hold it all together has really hit home for me this past week. Reading about friends, and friends of friends, who are going through illness & being so brave and so strong. We're all fighters. We may be fighting different battles, but we're fighting.

Infertility is our battle, and it sucks. Not being able to give your child a sibling, watching due dates of lost babies come & go with no little ones to hold, it's a special kind of sadness. But we're all healthy. We have each other, we have our girl, we have a roof over our heads, we have help here when we need it.

And I know, somehow, that our story isn't over. Our family isn't done yet. We have so much more love to give.

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JustHeather said...

Thinking of you! May your story continue and become complete sooner rather than later.

Jess said...

Oh, it sounds like you're in a strong head space right now, and I'm so glad to hear that!

Feisty Harriet said...

This is so heartbreaking and beautiful and hopeful all at the same time. Hugs to you, my dear.


MsChikee said...

Hi Aly! It's sheryl :) I spent 2hours in the wee hours reading your blog and i wanted to hug you right there and then. There are some posts that relate to me, ie miscarriage and the other posts have given me a whole new level of appreciation to life, babies and for wonderful being like you. you deserve babies more than anyone I know and it hurts me to read the struggle. i wish you nothing but LOADS of POSITIVE vibes!!! you're one strong mamma and your husband is one incredible partner! Georgia is very lucky to you both as her loving parents! xx
i miss you!

Sheryl (DIG Supermums)

Anonymous said...

I miss you hun!! thinking of you and sending hugs and strength your way! you're amazing!!!

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