I'm so tired that I created a poem.

Leg cramps, leg cramps,
Yucky, icky leg cramps.
I went to bed all feeling fine,
Now I'm up at a yucky time.

Leg cramps, leg cramps,
Stupid, crappy leg cramps.
Not growing pains cos I'm too old,
Now I'm getting rather cold.

Leg cramps, leg cramps,
Oh how I hate thee, leg cramps.
They're hurting lots, ouch ouch ouch,
Tomorrow I will be a grouch.

Well, it's obvious that my creative streak comes out in the wee hours. I have no idea what brought these cramps on, they're in both legs and right up the top. I used to get these all the time, but haven't had them in the longest time. Yeeeeeowch. I know I did a bit of walking yesterday (and gym) but nothing strenuous enough for this.

I wonder what else causes leg cramps? Perhaps I shall Googlify it. Hell, I'm even feeling lucky. Here goes.

Apparently, THIS is why I have leg cramps.

But for the lazy lurkers out there, here are some highlights.

• A leg cramp is a pain that comes from a muscle in the leg. (Well, I could have told you that one.)


• It usually occurs in one of the calf muscles, below and behind a knee. (My knees are fine. My upper thighs hurt.)


• A cramp pain typically lasts a few minutes. (Ha! Bullshit. Try nearly an hour.)


• Leg cramps usually occur when you are resting - most commonly at night when in
  bed. (Look, the article told me something useful. How nice.)


• They may wake you from sleep. (No fucking way.)


• They are more common in older people. (Just because I had ONE nanna day, does not mean I am a nanna, thankyouverymuch.)


• In some cases, the cramps may be a symptom of another condition or problem; Over-exertion of muscles, Dehydration, Excess alcohol. (Over exertion? Perhaps. Dehydration? No, I'm fine. Excess alcohol? Only talked about. I haven't drunk in weeks.)


• If you are otherwise well, and have no other unexplained symptoms, then the leg
  cramps are likely to be idiopathic (unknown cause). (Well, isn't that just lovely.)


• Stretching and massaging the affected muscle (usually a calf muscle) can usually
  relieve an attack of cramp. (BUT IT'S NOT MY CALF MUSCLE. And massaging my own thighs just isn't doing it for me.)

How interesting. Did it tell me anything? Not really, except that I am apparently a freak of nature who is getting leg cramps in the wrong places. My leg cramps are also very clever ones, seeing as they must read this blog and think I'm a granny. Fabulous. Mmmbleh.

It's left me bloody exhausted!

Met up with nan at the club, we then walked to the station and headed off to Parramatta. It's so different now; as if it wasn't confusing enough in the first place. The whole point in going? To return a shirt that nan bought, seeing as she doesn't go out by herself much. We get there and guess what? In a shopping centre with fifteen billion stores, the store that nan was looking for WAS NOT THERE.

So basically, it was a free shopping day. Sounds good right? Except make that into a free shopping day at grandma speed. Actually, scratch that. A free shopping day at grandma speed WITH a walking frame. In other words, we walked into about ten stores. I love my nan but lordy, she was painful to shop with.

I bought a necklace and earring set for her Christmas present which she chose, which was nice. She bought herself perfume, and I held myself back from buying MYSELF more perfume. I bought some sunglasses and a handbag, because they were cheap. Oh, and a nice dress. I know. A DRESS. A girly dress! The horror! I'll try and take a picture of it soon.

I was rather disappointed that I didn't buy a Boost smoothie while I was there, I've been craving one for the longest time. I was also peeved to find out that plain black Chucks were on sale for like $70 in Foot Locker. I always thought they were cheaper than that; wahhh! This makes me wish for those pink checkered ones even more.

Anyway, then I dropped nan off, and got stuck in peak hour traffic all the way home along the freeway. Damnit! I hate traffic. Especially when I have to merge across two-three lanes to get to the E-Tag tollbooth. Yipes! Lucky I squeezed in front of slow ol' trucks, so that was nice.

I even went to the gym straight after. But after all that? I have sore feet and a throbbing headache. That's what I get for having a life for the day.

Fwee, I also had a pseudo celebrity sighting, celebrity in terms of football anyway. I saw John Morris from the Parramatta Eels. Hee. That is Jason's team, and I always used to tell him that John Morris was the cutest guy on the team (just to piss him off.) I'm over him now, but I can still share some rather shocking pictures I found of him. Have to laugh at the match photos with his tongue hanging out!

Oh, and as I was cleaning out my old handbag and depositing all of my junk into my new handbag, I found a little note I had meant to share with the blogging world from the last week of school. I may have already shared it even, but I'm in holiday mode and therefore my brain is currently lying on a beach somewhere.

It was written in one of the kids journals; this is it, word for word.

"Miss S. is the best techer in the hole wide world and pretty. Or she is just so luvey and smart with a buter fool fase."

Ha! Flattery will get you nowhere, kiddo.. but I suppose a little bit will help. Smart kid. Now to work on his spelling when I get back.

My buter fool fase and I are off to go to bed now.

Being tagged by Lala and feeling all special because of Desiree, it's shaping up to be one heck of a day.

I have an extremely busy day today. I am meeting my grandma at an RSL club for lunch. I am being a train companion as we head off to Parramatta to get lost in the gigantic newly renovated shopping centre that is Westfields. I am going to resist the urge to spend since I just purchased this and this last night. Shit. P.S. I still want THE AMAZON THREESOME.

And then I have to squeeze in a quick gym visit, so that I don't miss a day. I've been so good. I still weigh and look the same (damnit) but I'm just hoping that the fat will go away. Soon, preferably.

Without further ado, on with the taggy survey. Hoorah!

1) Would you bungee jump?

Yes. I think I would. I'd be paranoid and freaking out and would probably cry and try to chicken out, but if push came to shove (shove - haha - THEN I'd bungee jump!) I would do it. Only if it were over water. No land. Land = ouch + death. Water = ouch + life. I think.

2) If you could do anything in the world for a living what would it be?

I would probably write. Of course, I'd need to suddenly learn how to write before that could happen. But just think! Writers can work from home (and home could be somewhere beautiful and remote like the countryside in Scotland or France!) and be sort of reclusive and have lots of animals to keep them company, and the best part? Nobody thinks they're weird for being alone.

3) Your favorite fictional animal?

Eeyore. I will always have a soft spot for gloomy old Eeyore.

4) One person who never fails to make you laugh?

My dad. His jokes are always cringe-worthy, but I love them, and what is sadder is that I am turning out JUST LIKE HIM. Let me give you examples.

Me (several years ago, in my old car): Dad, I just backed into a pole.
Dad: At least it wasn't a Russian.

Mum: Aly, I hate it when you insult me.
Me: Well, next time I will inpepper you.

HAR HAR HAR!

5) When you were 12 years old what did you want to be when you grew up?

I wanted to be a veterinarian, because even then I loved animals.

6) What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?

Roll over and go back to sleep. Then put contact liquid into my eyes because they are usually all dry and crusty and I can't see a thing.

7) Have you ever gone to therapy?

Not really; I remember being forced into seeing a counsellor when my parents separated for a while there, but I wasn't actually interested in being there. As for REAL therapy? Nope. But I've studied it.

8) If you could have one super power what would it be?

It would be flying. All the other ones have too many consequences. Although, I could do with reading people's minds, but only if there is an On/Off switch. That would be okay, too.


9) Your favorite cartoon character?

Aside from Eeyore? I really like this little dude.

His name is Pintsize, and he's a PC.

You can read all about him here at Questionable Content.

Very funny comic.

10) Do you go to church?

I don't. I haven't been for a very long time, such a long time that I don't really feel comfortable about going anymore. Every Christmas, my mum and I say we'll go, but then we never do. Which is strange. I'd like to at least get back into church mode in the holidays.

11) What is your best childhood memory?

Gosh. I don't even remember very much. How about going along with my family for car trips when he was on business - but it was ONLY fun when I could bring a friend along. Best one I can remember? Going down south, taking my friend Simone along. We wore gigantic parka jackets the whole time, went bowling, and watched the X-Files on TV until we were too terrified to sleep.

12) Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?

I do not. I'm not old fashioned, but I would still love to get married. It's not even about the huge fuss of having the wedding, it's just about actually spending every day with the person that you love. That would be nice.

13) Do you own a gun?

Hell. No.

14) Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?

I beat Jason up all the time. Have even winded him a couple of times. I don't even know my own strength. Mwahaha. In all seriousness, though? No.

15) Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people?

Well, I was in the choir in primary school, and we got to sing in big competitions. But that was when my girly voice could sort of sing (and was masked by the dozens of other people singing, too.) As much as I'd love to be a decent singer (ha, SingStar decieves me!) there is no way. I'm not completely delusional.

16) What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

A nice smile, one that makes their whole face light up and gives them crinkly eyes. I think I inherited that notion from my mum, she always used to mention the crinkly eyes thing.

17) What is your biggest mistake?

Telling myself I have no motivation, and actually believing it. Oh. And being an annoying person. That's a mistake, too.

18) Say something totally random about yourself.

I am sitting at my computer desk doing this survey whilst freezing my ass off and needing to pee, yet have made no move to actually rectify either of those things.

19) Has anyone ever said that you looked like a celebrity?

I did that test at My Heritage, and they told me that I look a bit like Katherine Heigl. Ha! I could only hope and dream to look like her, she's gorgeous! In actual fact, I look like nobody, because I don't know any celebrities that are overweight, do you?

20) What is the most romantic thing someone of the opposite sex has done for you?

I'm spoiled lots on special occassions, and Jase always gets really thoughtful gifts. Like my black leather writing journal, my pretty earrings, flowers, and my Ipod! But romantic? Is always when he says "I love you" before I say it. And let's face it, I tend to say it alot. I'm a real girl, like that.

21) Do you actually read these when other people fill them out?

Sure, I do. I'm filling it out now, aren't I?

I'm going to tag;

Aimee, Jessy, and my momma.

Jen and I spent the afternoon online shopping.

We found the most wonderful things.

Like the stunningly beautiful (AND CHEAP!) diamond engagement rings that we're going to buy ourselves. Hey. A girl has to do what a girl has to do. But I'm not fussy. I like the el-cheapo diamonds. Although, there was also a one carat ring that costs the same amount as my car, that I certainly wouldn't complain about receiving.

Also? These nifty inventions called Liftits. Be sure to watch the demonstration, if you're not squeamish at the site of boob. We can't quite figure out where the skin goes though; and does it give you an instant bosom wax when you take it off? Yeee-owch.

Speaking of undergarment inventions, Jen discovered an undie site for the boys. PLEASE, for the love of all things humourous, click on the 2D simulation. Penis - Buttcheek - Penis - Buttcheek. Not the most flattering things to look at, but still, enjoyable!

I don't actually know who the heck Pedro is, but this shirt is still cute.

And could someone please explain to me where one would wear these abominations? Jeepers.

Amazon is actually hiding a rather kinky selection of undergarments. These would all work well with Liftits. Teehee. Although this one? Requires no Liftits. Rather, you just squish your boobage through the holes and ta-dah! Instant perkiness!

But the most lovely of all? Three things I was actually going to buy from Amazon. Even in Aussie dollars and including shipping, they would have been awesome.

The cute brown sunnies.
The glitzy wedges.
AND THE MOST GORGEOUS CHUCK TAYLORS IVE EVER SEEN.

So, I got all excited. I checked the conversion rates and then double checked them. Even checked the credit card to make sure I had enough funds for a mini splurge. Proceeded to the checkout, only to find that ALL THREE of those items cannot be shipped internationally.

Mother fuckers!

Instead, they're all going into the wishlist. Where I shall stare at them and breathe huge sighs of disappointment.

So that's my second Monday irritation. I'm rather peeved, mostly over the Chucks.

Nothing much else to say, I'm going to go mope around the house now. Unless of course, someone would like to purchase me the previously mentioned gorgeous shoes, and then I shall love you for ever and ever. But until then? Mope.

Look. I'm running out of things to blog about, what with having no school stories right now.

If you're still reading, congratulations to you. If you're running away with your eyes rolling to the back of your head, I completely understand. Yawn.

So.

What's irritating me for today? (Aside from having an extremely bloated day, so bloated in fact that I had to change gym pants because the other ones made me look like my thighs were going to rip all the seams open aka the holey crotch pants.)

Word Verification prompts.

Yes, yes, I do know they have a purpose. I am not a complete moron (!) and I know they are to minimise spam and robots and all that other technological crap. But it seems that wherever I go lately, I'm greeted with them.

That doesn't exactly bother me. That's ok. I can take 5 minutes out of my insanely hectic not very busy schedule to type the damn numbers in and have it over with. But when I type the numbers in THE RIGHT WAY, and yet my comment still refuses to go through? Gah! It's so irritating.

I've once had to retype the damn letters in four times before it decided I wasn't a robot. And I SWEAR that I had typed them in correctly all. four. times. Seriously!

Where am I going with this? Heck, I don't know. But this is what I have to say to those insanely crazy prompt boxes of doom.

P.S. Because I am a blog stalker, of course I will still read your blog if you use word verifications. I'll just whine about it, hee. As you do.

P.P.S. Please, feel free to share any of your Monday irritations too!

From now on, I think I shall have a "Hundredth" blog commenter award.

I'm sure it'll take on soon, and become the next big thing in the world of blogging. (aka amalah) Or not. Haha.

I should also mention that this "Hundredth" blog commenter award is invisible. Please do not let it's invisible-ness take away from it's grandness. It is still a mighty wonderful achievement. Indeed.

Let's call it the HACAH blog commenter award. (And let's all pronounce it together now, people: HACK-ARRRR.)

You might be wondering, Aly, what the heck does HACAH stand for?

HACAH: Hundredth Aly Commenter Award - Hoorah!

Duh. What ELSE would it stand for?

Anyway.

My extremely special first HACAH award goes to the very lovely Lala, also known as Julia, also known as Julaberry, also known as that cute chick with lovely teeth who has a slight obsession with feet.

Thankyou for being one of my favourite people to stalk, who just so happens to also return the favour.

I just realised I forgot to post about Julie's visit, and that was forever ago.

So consider this a belated post. Highlights?

• Getting lost on the way to Kirby's house.

• KIRBY!

• Kirby's niece, Elizabeth, possibly the smiliest baby in the world. Who liked my toes!

• Driving behind a boat (!) with it's blinker on the whole way to the airport.

• Finding Jen.

• JEN!

• Not finding Julie.

• Finally finding Julie.

• JULIE!

• Watching bad drama movies on Arena!

• McDonalds frozen coke lids. Who knew they doubled as bras?

• Dinner on the grass, complete with ninjas. HIII-YAA!

• Me getting PMS and acting like a whiny whiner.

• Sleeping with Jen (ooh-ee!)

• Scary trucks and hallways making me paranoid.

• SHOPPING!

• Kirby's snail book-shelf divider that looks like a penis. Wait, it might have been a turtle? I don't remember.

• Tim Tam Iced Chocolates at Gloria Jeans.

Basically? All three of those girls are wonderful. And I'm a very lucky chickadee to have met them. Thankyou fate, for happening to bring us together on a now non-existant messageboard.

P.S. Another visit please Julie, as we need to actually take a photo of ALL FOUR OF US NEXT TIME.

My brand new gym pants (stretchy capri sort of pants, very daggy, very gym-ish) have just kindly informed me that I have been walking around with not one, but two rather large holes in the nether-regions.

Might I just add that these are pants which I purchased only LAST WEEK?

Let's pretend that I bought them from a very high class sporting goods store, and not a very cheap junk-style shop, where they only cost me $10. Because that is so not the point. Holes! And I've worn these pants maybe twice in the past week, washed once.

I am now sort of panicking.

Were these holes visible as I was doing my weights? And my jogging? Or even walking to my car and back?

Oh God. I just realised I did stretches after my workout today.

Stretches with my ass sticking out in the air.

And I thought I looked so fabulously sporty because wow! I can stretch! Look at me stretching! My gym body must be in here somewhere!

Apparently, all I looked like was a red-faced, sweaty baboon with a HOLE in her crotch.

No wonder people smiled at me today.

Funnily enough, I have done a lot of people watching lately; I blame the circuit course at the gym, there really is nothing else to do apart from watch the other ladies working out OR stare at the floor.

Picture this;

A woman of average height, who is quite fit but oddly proportioned for it. She has...

***************

You know. That just isn't working for me. I feel awkward describing someone else, even just for character reference. So shoot me. I'll just do myself. From someone else's perspective. Or at least, I'll try. -gulp- Part fiction/part reality/part a story in itself. Yipes. Let's try again.

Picture this;

I've seen this woman before; sitting in her car at a set of traffic lights, idly watching the world go by out her window. My car is in the lane next to hers; stationary, just the same. A perfect place for observing.

She seems of average height, although possibly a little bit taller than most. Her hair is lying on her shoulders, golden strands glinting in the sunlight as it moves through the tinted car windows. It lays flat and untouched, though shortly starts blowing in the breeze inside the car (air conditioning vents perhaps?) so in a quick motion, she pulls it back off her face and secures it with an elastic band. While she does so, I observe her hands. She wears no jewellery apart from a black banded watch; I wonder why this is so?

Does she own pretty trinkets, and has simply forgotten to wear them on this particular morning? Does she prefer silver or gold jewellery? Would she wear a bracelet, or just a ring or two. Which fingers would she wear her rings on; is she married? These questions will need to lie unanswered in this moment.

The lights change, and her car accelerates. With a shake of my head, I realise that our chance encounter is over. I continue along my merry way. About five minutes down the road, my car brakes at another intersection. I happen to look to my left, and to my surprise, there she is again.

She is glancing out the window again and stares right at me. Although she is looking in my direction, I get the feeling she is not really seeing; More like she is just doing the motions. She reaches down to her dashboard and fiddles with something. I crane my neck a bit, and see that she has an Ipod sitting in a console; perhaps she is changing songs?

I wonder what she listens to. Is it old classic music, like the music coming out of my stereo right now? Or is it something more contemporary, some band which I wouldn't even know the name of. I wish her window was rolled down, so I could hear. Her lips are moving to some unknown tune - her actions are reserved though, not carefree. Perhaps subconsciously she knows that she is being observed?

Feeling nosey (and very stalker-like) this time when the traffic lights change, it is my car which disappears first. Soon enough I arrive at my destination, and walk into the supermarket. Needing to select just a few items, I begin making my away around the aisles. Once done, I walked to the registers; then realised that I had forgotten to get milk. Ironically, I am greeted with a sense of dejavu.

Yes, it is the woman again, this time standing. She is not lean, and is wearing a summer skirt and a top with sleeves. Maybe she wears this sort of clothing to cover herself up, perhaps she feels uncomfortable wearing today's summer fashions. Not that I blame her myself, what with all the horrible clothing that is around these days.

Several young children run past her, playing a game of hide and seek while their mother frantically pushes the grocery trolley towards the dairy area. I watch, as one of the kids tumbles into the woman, causing her to nearly drop her low-fat milk. She gives him a look, which makes him turn and scamper off; in that one look, her eyebrow raises and her face becomes stern. She notices me then, shakes her head and rolls her eyes, and then she is off - heading to the front of the store.

Grabbing my carton, I follow her. She gives a small smile to the girl at the counter, makes no small-talk, pays with a debit card, and out she goes. Even the way she walks is interesting; once again she is looking, without really seeing. An interesting character indeed, this one.

We go off in different directions. As I get back in my car, I turn to the left and see a tall man folding himself into his very small car. He pulls out his cellphone; I wonder if he is calling someone else, or whether it is he that has been called.....

***************

Well, I tried to be as realistic about myself as I could; I do actually sing along in the car (and own an Ipod converter thingy). My hair is a part of me that I love, although it drives me crazy and ends up tied back the majority of the time. I am not a skinny person, and dress accordingly (at least, I think so!) and am a big fan of nice skirts. Oh, yes. My tolerance for children acting bratty is in the negatives. Don't judge me on that one; I get enough of them in my classroom at work. Hopefully this fit with the prompt, even though it is not exactly as the instructions hinted.

For more scribblings, you can visit here.

This is for Aimee.

And the other readers who had NFC (er, no freaking clue) what the hell a Sunny Boy was.

You can even read more about it here. There are different flavours! I want me a Cola one. Mmm.