A Reason

The OB called with our genetic testing results this morning. Our baby had Down's Syndrome.

We were expecting that there would be some kind of trisomy issue, because of the way I lost the baby {my body co-operated; it was the foetus that passed} - so we processed that news okay. From the early days, we always said we were prepared to deal with a special needs child, that they were a special gift. A part of me is sad that we didn't get the chance to be those parents. But then the other part of me is logically thinking about the varied spectrum of medical conditions that could have come along with Trisomy 21; and assuming that's why the miscarriage happened. I'd like to think our baby went peacefully, without a care in the world & is with my Nanna now.

But we also found out the gender of our little one.. and it was a boy.

I was pretty composed hearing about the chromosomal issue, because we were all ready for this. But I wasn't prepared for being so sad about finding out the gender. The grief is still the same, regardless of whether we lost a girl or a boy - but I wasn't expecting to hear it was a HE. My heart is broken for all the things that he won't get to do, that he won't grow up with a sister who loves him, and parents who are smitten with him.

We've talked about naming him. We'll see where our hearts lead us with that decision; now, we're back to grieving & moving forward. We had a son, and we won't ever get to know him - but man, he was a seriously loved little baby.


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12 comments:

Liz said...

Glad you got some answers and hoping they help to give you closure. I can tell how loved your little boy was.

Kato Potato said...

Aww, I'm glad you could know as much about him as possible. Lots of love to you guys right now!

Anonymous said...

Obviously each person is different, but we named our two lost babies (even though we didn't know gender; we just picked gender-neutral names) and it has brought us lots of comfort. It allows us to easily reference them, and we got Christmas ornaments with their names made for our tree. If we are (hopefully!) blessed with living children one day, they will know of the babies that came before them... -Polly

JB said...

We also named our lost baby. I was shocked when I found out the gender as I wasn't expecting it, but looking back, I'm so glad that I did find out. I'm so glad that I got to know our little boy even for 7 weeks. Praying for peace and understanding as you go through this.

Jesica said...

I'm a few years removed from my miscarriage and in hindsight I'm glad I do not know the sex and that I did not name him/her. I lost a baby but I did not lose a son or a daughter, it made it easier for me personally. But to each his own, like Anonymous said some people find a lot of comfort in naming their lost ones. I'm glad you got some answers, at least you know it wasn't something you did wrong or something you could have in any way prevented. I hope this brings you some peace.

Feisty Harriet said...

So many hugs, my dear. I wish I knew what to say.

xox

JustHeather said...

I'm so sorry for the loss of your little boy. I hope you find peace in whatever you decide to do in honoring him.

Alana said...

I feel like there are no words to express what is in my heart right now. I cannot even imagine what is in yours. I guess more than anything I just wish you love and peace as you continue to move through this incredibly emotional, complex experience. It is not easy.

Sarah said...

there really are no words. i am still so sorry for your loss. that baby boy surely is loved and will watch over all of you! prayers for peace, aly <3

Emilie said...

Oh, Aly. I'm so sorry. I think I would want to know as much as I possibly could, too, even if it hurt to hear it. I hope having some answers helps you to find some sort of closure, and I hope you find a little comfort knowing your Nana is watching over him until you're together again. <3 sending big hugs across the ocean.

Anna said...

I'm so sorry about your sweet boy. It's good to have the information, to know WHY, even though I'm sure it doesn't make things any easier. Internet-stranger hugs to you and your family.

emma said...

Oh, Hugs!

My first pregnancy was a missed miscarriage and we were able to have genetic testing done. Our baby had Turner's Syndrome. We were sent a copy of the report, which stated the fetus was "maternal in gender". I did NOT want to know the gender, but I would have found out anyway after reading about Turner's Syndrome (only affects females).

I worry knowing hurts my husband more than me. I've always wanted boys, but he's ALWAYS wanted a little girl. We've gone on to have two boys, and we're on the fence about trying again.

I really want to name our little girl, but I don't think I'll be ready to until we've finished building our family. I am in the process of creating a tattoo to get at some point in honor of her either way though :)





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