What's Bugging Me

My positive mood has gone out the window. Today, I'm pretty damn grumpy & everything's annoying me. Like these:

"My friend tried for ages to get pregnant - then she got a surprise pregnancy when she wasn't even trying for #2!"
That shit may be happening to everyone around us, but it's not happening TO us. Please take your happy stories and tell them to someone else, because it's just not helpful right now.

"At least you ovulated!" 
Yeah, and while finding that out today, we also found out that my hcg was 0. What a waste of an egg.

"Not long to wait and you'll be trying again." 
Because we haven't already been waiting for what feels like a million years, and all.

"Maybe you should go and hang around some pregnant women; they say it's good luck!" 
Not going to happen. I'm struggling to even look at pregnant women right now, with the exception of a few close friends who are expecting. And unless they have a magic wand that can make my ovaries, my uterus & hubby's swimmers work, all it does is rub salt in some very raw wounds.

"Your last baby wasn't meant to be - this one must be it!" 
Really? Do you know that for sure? Because I'm fucking terrified of this next one NOT being it, and going through a fresh round of IVF all over again.

"You're such a strong person."
I don't want to be a strong person. I want to be somebody's mama, again. For once, I don't want to be the strong one. I want to be naive, and happy, and normal, and boring.

Obviously, this cycle was a bust. Just another reminder that my body doesn't do what it's supposed to do on its own. And on top of KNOWING it was a bust, I still don't have my period. So waiting, always with the waiting. I'm so over this.

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TwoPlusOne said...

I'm so sorry Aly! I understand how frustrating all this is. Really hope you get your AF soon so you can move on.

Loving Lee said...

I know how you feel. I've been trying for 2 1/2 years. I'm just now starting on Clomid as a last chance. Past this we can't afford IVF or anything else. So I pray that you and know what you are going through and its very frustrating.

thesarus rex said...

you don't know me, but i thought this might cheer you up a bit- we struggled for over a year with a few iui's, clomid, trigger shots, and a miscarraige before getting our beautiful girl who is now 15 months. for these last few months, i was terrified to jump back into the whirlwind world of infertility and was so scared to make my first trip back to the RE. the bravery and strength of a certain stranger gave me the exta kick in the pants i needed to get back on the ttc bandwagon, and that stranger is totally you! we just had our first failed iui, and we're gearing up for another in a week or so and i have to say i am kind of shocked by how depressed and low i feel all the time already, but it helps to know i'm not alone thanks to inspirational stories like yours. thanks for sharing and i am wishing you all of the luck in the world.

Liz said...

I'm sorry this cycle was a bust. I hated all those stupid things people used to say. It's so disappointing when your body fails you. I hope things turn around soon.

JustHeather said...

*big hugs*

Katelin said...

xoxo so sorry friend.

Just T said...

Out of all the comments said to you above, I find the comment about a baby not meant to be the most cruel and distasteful thing to say to a mother her lost a child. You did have a loss and nothing will help you except time.

queenjohnsonclan said...

I cringe at some of these. I was guilty of saying at least one of these to a friend before I knew better. Before five years of infertility came on like a slow cold water dump to all my senses. It won't help but...some people just don't know better. They don't know they are cutting into your wound like a hot knife in butter. It's why everyone should be educated on IF I think...((hugs))

pregnant in my forties said...

Urggh. These are horrid. Especially the hanging out round pregnant women one. Are these people mad? Maybe the people saying these things weren't meant to happen either, but they just slipped on through!
None of us want to be in this situation, being strong and coping. We just want it to happen so we can be happy, ffs.
Sending you big hugs xx

SecondVoice said...

Ugh. No one has ever told me to hang out with pregnant women for good luck, and I'm glad because that is the worst advice ever. Some people...

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