It’s the end of an era. There will be no more babies in this household.
I’ve thrown out the expired ovulation kits, the clunky old fertility monitor, the countless pee cups and even the stash of IVF medications living in my back fridge that I was too superstitious to discard until now.This week marks the official end of our journey to parenthood. Now, it’s all about the journey THROUGH parenthood.
To those still struggling, hoping, grieving or worrying, you are strong. I’ll never forget this phase of our lives - where it taught us to be bigger, stronger, wiser, kinder on a path that nobody should have to face.
To those who supported me over the years, the excitement, the frustration, the jealousy. Through the darkest days of my life. Through the most joyous days of my life. To the ones who sobbed with me after we lost our babies. To the ones who cheered on a positive ovulation stick, who picked me up after yet another failed cycle. To the ones who celebrated our pregnancies even while going through their own journeys. You are the strong ones.
I will hug my girls tight every single day, and know that I’m going to raise them into their own strong warrior women, who will know how much we fought for them, and how much we love them.
Well.. time got away from me as per usual. We're already in the home stretch!
Nursery is done. Car seats are all installed. Christmas presents are done. Now it's just cleaning the house & waiting to see when she makes her big arrival. WE ARE GOING TO HAVE THREE KIDS. OMG.
Baby girl is plugging away in there, being cute and stubborn and bang on average - and I'm feeling surprisingly good! :)
Life is hectic without a lot of rest, but I figured the tiredness I was suffering from was just a result of standard pregnancy stuff - plus the added bonus of chasing the girls around and running everyone to appointments, etc. Turns out my iron levels have tanked and I need to get an infusion done next week. Apparently you feel better a little while afterwards, so I'm curious to see how it affects my energy levels!
We are just a few months away from meeting this little girl and I'm SUPER excited. This time with the girls we already had their nurseries done, and we were pretty organised. This time... well, we're taking it a bit easier - but I'm not wishing the time away. Knowing this is our last pregnancy, I'm trying to savour each kick and wiggle and bump, because I know how much I'll miss it when it's gone. I do love a pregnant belly!
Ah, that point in pregnancy that feels like it took forever to get to - and still that the end result is so far away! 20 weeks and baby is doing well. Our anatomy scan went well last week and everything appears normal. We are measuring bang on for dates and she is wiggling away, even though my anterior placenta means I'm not feeling a great deal. What I DO get is lovely though.
I may be biased, but damn, this kid is a cutie already. Today's ultrasound saw her sucking her thumb and everything - you forget just how much they do even when they're tiny in your belly. How lucky are we?
Whoops! I spring that big news on the blog and then I disappear on you again... baby brain in full force, as per usual. Though if I'm honest, it never really went away - and my big baby is 6 now. (OMG.)
It was a bit of a process to decide whether to go back for a third baby. I had spent the last year working on my health and fitness, and with the help of a gastric sleeve, lost 45 kilograms, getting to the lightest weight I've ever been in my adult life! We also had the 6 frozen embryos sitting on ice from Claire's cycle, so constantly paying storage fees brought up the subject of 'what to do?' every six months or so.
In the end, we came to an agreement. We would use our frozen embryos up, but we wouldn't be doing any more fresh IVF cycles. If they worked, great. If they didn't, well, we have the girls, and we figured it was a sign that we were done.
We didn't tell anyone we were going back to try again - the pressure was on, and honestly... we were just dealing with it in our own way this time. Since these cycles were our last chances, so we kept it quiet and went ahead with preparing for a FET. I went on a HRT cycle similar to last time, with progesterone supplements and regular bloods. We transferred a little embryo on Easter Monday, one of our 4-day embryos that was thawed and grown out into a Blastocyst over night before the transfer. It was a lovely little thing, and the FS and Scientist both looked happy with it. All we could do was wait.
Our NIPT at 11 weeks came back low risk, and that's how we discovered that we were having a third little lady baby - crazy! Once again, I thought it was a boy - wrong 3/3 times! I'm currently 18 weeks along and we have our Morphology scan next week, which I'm a little anxious about - just praying for a nice healthy and happy baby in there.
And that, friends, is where we're at. Welcome back to the crazy ride!!
If there's one thing that infertility tears apart, it's the ability to have some kind of plan for your life. Most couples make the decision to add to their family, choose when to start, and let things progress naturally from there; each time frame is unique, but it always happens in the end. Then there's the decision about whether to have more children - again, dependent on many things; finances, space, pregnancy complications - but the choice is there. Do we, or don't we? If we do, we try. If we don't, we give the baby things away and move away from the high chairs and prams, and towards a new stage of life.
I still vividly remember our last transfer day. It was hot, and I was nervous. Nervous that the embryo might not have thawed well, nervous about another miscarriage, nervous about starting yet another year off with the potential for disappointment.
I remember how many times the doctor had to attempt the speculum placement. I remember them commenting that the embryo looked lovely. I remember keeping my legs tightly closed the whole drive home; something I've done after every transfer, even though I know it makes not a shred of difference to the outcome.
For anyone who's ever done IVF or who has never fallen pregnant of their own accord, that window after a transfer is magical. It's full of possibility - for a while, even just for a few short days, you're closer to being pregnant than you've ever been before. That shot that most couples get once a month, it's finally yours, after what feels like constant waiting. Those days have a lot riding on them, since it may be several more months before you get that chance again, if you're lucky.
You wait, you pray, you scream at the universe, and you pee on a million sticks. Most times it doesn't work.
But sometimes.. just sometimes, it does.
One year ago today, we 'met' our Claire for the first time. And now, she's here. I can't think of anything more amazing.
How far along: I am officially the most pregnant I have ever been IN MY LIFE. And not considered pre-term anymore!
How big is baby? A beach ball. An extra large and super heavy beach ball! You spin me right round, baby, right round...
Sleep: Georgia has been sick again, and has passed it on to me. These seasonal colds are the worst.
Symptoms: Weirdly? Nothing. Tightenings continue, but really nothing much else. #tumbleweeds
Best moment of this week: Hitting the 37 week mark. We made it!
Miss anything: Nope... I'm feeling good.
Movement: Lots of kicks way up high to the rib cage, and hiccups in my crotch.
Food cravings: Nothing much this week. Although I kind of feel like a fresh juice right now.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Just this chesty cold!
Gender: Girl!!
How's your mood? I'm excited! I'm scared! I'm proud of myself! I'm petrified! Worried that baby girl is growing rapidly and looking to be a big baby, but also relieved that she's growing well - at least I managed something right this pregnancy. I'm starting to think ahead to actually giving birth & hoping that baby girl might be able to avoid special care - but then, I don't want to get ahead of myself, since you just don't know how labour and delivery is going to go down.
Looking forward to: My next OB appt is on Wednesday. I just want to see her again.. if not in my arms yet, on the screen.
The Bump: I think it dropped a lot compared to last week, actually. What do you think?
How far along: 36 weeks & I'm sort of giggling on the inside; here we are, almost at G's birth gestation - and still baking!
How big is baby? This week baby is the size of a honeydew melon. Which doesn't seem so scary, when it's all cut up. Though since this kid is measuring almost two weeks ahead, perhaps I should jump ahead to the scary beach ball images?
Sleep: Taking it whenever I can get it. The usual zombie stagger to the bathroom and back six times a night.
Symptoms: Mainly just tightenings this week. Not too painful, just constant.
Best moment of this week: Realising that I'm almost at term - the end is drawing near, one way or another!
Miss anything: Nope. I will miss this big old belly though.
Movement: Still very sporadic, but I appreciate it when she has a little wiggle. A LOT of hiccups this week.
Food cravings: Does anyone want to make me bread and butter pudding? :)
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope.
Gender: Girl!!
How's your mood? I'm actually really, really good. Regardless of whether this kid falls out of her own accord prior to 37 weeks or anytime after that, we're in the home stretch. I baked her through the scary parts, she held on and grew like a champion, and we're almost ready to meet her. I can't wait!
Looking forward to: OB appt is on Wednesday, and I can't wait to see her little (or not so little) face again.
The Bump: Has reached epic beach-ball stage proportions already. Feels stretchy and sore, and my tiger stripes multiplied this week... but it's carried a healthy baby girl (well, two in fact..) and for that I am grateful.
How far along: 35! 35! 35! Aaaaah!
How big is baby? A coconut? A coconut is TINY! Her HEAD feels like a freaking coconut, let alone the rest of her!
Sleep: So bad. The late pregnancy insomnia has officially kicked in - can't get comfortable, raging back pain, lying awake and staring at the ceiling... it's so frustrating.
Symptoms: Back, ribs, pelvic pressure. Ouch,
Best moment of this week: After a few scary days of quiet movements, she seems back to her normal self a little, so I'm taking comfort in every wiggle. I'll miss the comfort of the movements once she's here.
Miss anything: Stinking hot baths. I want to lie in there and shrivel up like a hot, hot prune.
Movement: Hit and miss, but CTG monitoring shows she's still doing well, so I'm trying to just be aware.
Food cravings: I feel like a Whopper with Cheese. Yep. Hamburgers.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope. I'm ok, except for the tiredness.
Gender: Girl!!
How's your mood? I'm so grateful this week! We are at 35 weeks, she's a growing girl with a hefty weight (how crazy going from fearing a premature 29 week infant to anticipating a gigantic baby!) & we have held on this long - life feels pretty damn good right now.
Looking forward to: Meeting this little lady - whenever that will be.
The Bump: Waddle waddle waddle.
How far along: We are at 34 weeks! Can you believe it? :)
How big is baby? Oh, I do love me some butternut pumpkin.. nom, nom, nom.
Sleep: Great, aside from the peeing.
Symptoms: It's ALL in my back (and ribs) this week - and painful!
Best moment of this week: Just nailing one more week. It's so nice getting great reassuring news from my OB. From now on, baby should hopefully be a-ok after birth, just needing some special care time to help with feeding and what not. I can do this!
Miss anything: I have a random desperate craving for big slabs of brie and camembert cheese & a glass of wine.
Movement: Quieter this week, except for the odd sharp boot to the ribs.
Food cravings: I'm just hungry in general!
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope, all good here.
Gender: Girl!!
How's your mood? I'm doing ok! Sore, but happy. I am so glad to be here, I'm happy that the baby is doing well, grateful to still be home, relieved to have a good doctor and medical team, lucky to have help from my family. And SO thrilled it's September! A September baby sounds a lot less scary than a July or August one would have been. :)
Looking forward to: Next Friday's OB check in - one more week to try and hit, so that I can see the baby again.
The Bump: I'm at the point where I'm going to miss the bump again when it's gone. I do so love it.
How far along: 33 weeks today & pumped!
How big is baby? What is a Durian, and why is it so pointy? Ouch!
Sleep: So,so happy being back in my own bed.
Symptoms: This week is mostly crampy, but the rib pain is making a reappearance too.
Best moment of this week: Getting through another week, hearing that the bedrest and meds are paying off, and seeing my beautiful girl doing well!
Miss anything: Not peeing every five minutes.
Movement: Lots of wiggles and thuds. I love it so much. :)
Food cravings: I feel like a piping hot bucket of hot chips with gravy.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Not this week; I'm feeling great for the most part.
Gender: Girl!!
How's your mood? I can't believe how much better I feel just being back at home. What a change it has made. Don't get me wrong; I know I was in the safest place for baby.. but I can breathe here. It comes with its own challenges, like feeling so helpless with basic house chores, being a hindrance to my poor husband, relying heavily on family for help, and constantly having to explain to Georgia why Mummy can't just get her a snack or play on the floor... but it'll all be worth it.
Looking forward to: Another OB visit next week.. let's see how far we can push this!
The Bump: Running out of clothes that I can squeeze into.
How far along: We made it to our next milestone - 32 weeks today!
How big is baby? Baby is now the size of a pumpkin!
Sleep: Not great last night, but overall I'm doing pretty well. Can't complain there.
Symptoms: Pelvic pressure, a sore back and lots of gross discharge ramping up again. Delightful!
Best moment of this week: Seeing the baby, albeit briefly, on the hospital ultrasound. If all else goes pear shaped, so far she is tolerating all of this really well and growing beautifully,
Miss anything: Being close to home. :(
Movement: We have started having more hiccups lately (which feel so, so weird) and lots of little ninja jabs to my side. I hope she's still head down in there.
Food cravings: Cripes, I'd gladly accept anything apart from this horrific hospital food. ANYTHING.
Anything making you queasy or sick: The food. Yuck.
Gender: Girl!!
How's your mood? I'm not doing well. Hitting 32 weeks should be amazing (and it IS - three weeks of this down!) but I was promised I'd be moving to my old hospital ... and yet I'm still here. I hardly saw my hubby this week, as he started a new job and has been getting home too late to visit the wards. Georgia is starting to act out and is almost at her breaking point. My mobile coverage is playing up, we had some sad family news, and I'm just EXHAUSTED. I think I've done pretty well coping with the bed rest so far, but today I'm crumbling. :(
Looking forward to: Having a plan in place for what happens next... I don't cope well being in limbo, I need to know what's going on so that I have something to look forward to.
The Bump: A little growth spurt this week?
How far along: I honestly didn't think we would make it to a new week, so I'm really pleased to be here.
How big is baby? Baby girl is the size of a pineapple... and I feel like I am about to pop her out at any minute.
Sleep: The bed in this new hospital is surprisingly comfortable - so I'm sleeping fairly well here,
Symptoms: My rib pain is gone, as baby has already lowered so far. Instead, my biggest complaint is pelvic/butt pressure. It's so uncomfortable, and I can actually feel her pushing on my poor cervix.
Best moment of this week: Getting here! Baby nailed her CTG monitoring yesterday, so seems to be doing well.
Miss anything: I miss the food from the previous hospital. The food here is virtually inedible.
Movement: Some days are wigglier than others, but she's certainly making her presence known now!
Food cravings: The last meal I had at the previous hospital was an amazing chicken caesar salad. I would give my right leg for another one of those right now. Seriously... so good!
Anything making you queasy or sick: Just the food. :)
Gender: Girl!!
How's your mood? I'm feeling okay this week. We did a tour of the NICU here at the big public hospital that we got transferred to, and I feel a bit more at ease about what could happen when baby girl arrives early. They keep warning me that I need to buzz them with any signs at all, as the fear is that I'll labour fairly quickly, as everything is already in place. I still really want to get another few weeks under my belt, but realistically, I'm just trying to get through each day as it comes.
Looking forward to: Hopefully having another growth scan later next week, to see what baby is up to. And if we make it that far, I'd love to think about transferring back to my previous hospital. Just have to cross our fingers and toes.
The Bump: Doesn't really feel much different again, I guess because she's so low, it's sagging down and not popping out?
How far along: Today we officially hit 30 weeks. I have never felt so relieved to leave the 20's behind!
How big is baby? A loaf of bread.. just a heavy one.
Sleep: You'd think I'd be super well rested being on bed rest, but honestly? I miss my bed. :(
Symptoms: Paranoia. Cramping. Excessive discharge. Twinges to the cervix. I'm on high alert.
Best moment of this week: Simply getting here. After all of the frightening news on Tuesday, I'm taking each day as a victory at this point. One day .. and maybe week, if we're lucky... at a time.
Miss anything: I miss my family. I miss being able to do things without fear of preterm labour starting.
Movement: Lying with your feet up and not a lot to do all day actually means I'm feeling her a lot more at the moment. She is a cheeky girl, this one. Loves hiding from the midwives.
Food cravings: Any non-hospital food. I'd love a bag of hot chips right now!
Anything making you queasy or sick: Some of the medications, but I'm going to start weaning off the antibiotics soon, unless my water breaks.
Gender: Girl!!
How's your mood? I'm up and down. I'm scared out of my mind about this baby being too small, and about a long and extended NICU stay. I'm disappointed because I had dreamed of a birth where the baby would come with me and we'd have that immediate bonding and closeness that we missed the first time around when Georgia was in special care. I'm angry because my body is apparently a bit of an asshole, and couldn't we just enjoy ONE nice part of this pregnancy with no stress? But mostly I'm just grateful I'm here, have good care, and hoping that all will work out okay.
Looking forward to: Every time I get to hear the baby on the doppler. All this is worth it for a healthy little girl. I'm also just hoping to tick off each day as it comes. Bring on tomorrow!
The Bump: I feel like lying down these past few days have seen it become less pointy and more wide.
How far along: Into Week 29 we go...
How big is baby? I'm not entirely sure what an Acorn Squash is, but I'll go small pumpkin-ish?
Sleep: The trimester of the pillow fortress has begun... pillows everywhere, and not a lot of rest.
Symptoms: The usual burn. Ribs and back. Peeing like a racehorse.
Best moment of this week: I turned 32 today, and realised that by my next birthday, I'll be a Mum to 2 beautiful little girls. Considering we thought our journey was over, it's mind-blowing. We also toured our new hospital to get more of an understanding of where things are, for when the time comes.
Miss anything: Being able to use the bathroom on the odd occasion, rather than every hour.
Movement: The kicks have gone back down to my crotch again - so I'm paranoid that she has flipped yet again.
Food cravings: Cookies. All the cookies.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Cleaning up 3y/o puke in the middle of the night... barf.
Gender: Girl!!
How's your mood? I'm doing okay. Sore and starting to count down, which is a bit surreal.
Looking forward to: Our next OB visit is on Tuesday, so hoping to see baby again! :)
The Bump: Not too different from last week!
How far along: 28 weeks along and officially in the third trimester - yay!
How big is baby? Baby is the size of an eggplant this week... I'm assuming a combination of weight & length.
Sleep: Other than the constant peeing, I'm sleeping okay.
Symptoms: Back and rib pain continues. I think this baby is gonna bust out of me Alien-style when the time comes. I also had one incredibly random day of nausea and morning sickness - a first for this pregnancy.
Best moment of this week: Passing my long Glucose Tolerance Test. Having hubby put up the crib again and getting excited for someone to use it again. And of course, getting to see that gorgeous little profile. She reminds me so much of Georgia when she was that little.. what do you think?
Movement: She's ramped it up this week! Both Georgia AND Jason could feel her kicks, and they are now off to the side of my belly, rather than internal ones in my pelvis that only I could feel before.
Food cravings: I'm back to wanting pizza again!
Anything making you queasy or sick: My body is fighting yet another head cold. Worst immune system ever!
Gender: Girl!!
How's your mood? So, so excited that baby flipped head down and we got to see her sweet face. I hope that calm feeling stays for a little while longer! I'm really feeling good overall.
Looking forward to: Tackling the baby clothes I need to wash/sort, and playing around in the nursery.
The Bump: BUMMMMMP.
How far along: Here we are, entering into week 27 now.
How big is baby? Ah, the elusive rutabaga.... wait, what IS that again? :)
Sleep: Have had a few super late nights lately, so desperately craving some good nights... wishful thinking?
Symptoms: Itchy belly, sore ribs, sore back. The usual!
Best moment of this week: Bedtime wiggles from this little lady. She likes to hear me read stories to Georgia at bedtime... and also the Backstreet Boys station on Pandora.
Miss anything: Not yet; but if my GTT results are in tomorrow and go the way I think they will, I'll be missing sugar and carbs for a while!
Movement: Nights are still the best time to feel her move. All still low - so likely still hanging out in breech position.
Food cravings: Not quite sure what I feel like, to be honest. I'm living on cups of tea right now.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nothing food related... but quite a few things lately.
Gender: Girl!!
How's your mood? I just want October to be here already! We need some good news, and I so so desperately need more newborn snuggles in my life.
Looking forward to: An OB appointment on Tuesday. I really want to see the baby again!
The Bump: Feeling lumpier and bumpier this week.
How far along: 26 weeks now.
How big is baby? As big as a head of lettuce... feels a lot heavier than that. #justsaying
Sleep: Not great, actually. But that's ok... I'm getting used to it & it'll help me be prepared for when baby is here.
Symptoms: The burning rib and back pain continues. My skin has broken out again too, yargh!
Best moment of this week: We picked up a second hand video monitor, and I had a bit more time to spend trying to arrange baby girl's new nursery. Still a long way to go, but I'm getting there.
Miss anything: Not really.
Movement: Mostly nights though occasionally I get some jabs in the daytime. She moves a lot while I'm doing my Spinning Babies exercises - just not in the right direction!
Food cravings: I still feel like pizza. So weird. Might need to make a homemade one this week.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Inversions and pelvic tilts are not fun, and I need to make sure I am doing them on an empty stomach, that's for sure. Willing to do everything I can to turn this kid!
Gender: Girl!!
How's your mood? I'm frustrated! I know that I sound like a broken record about baby being breech, but seriously.. I would be really gutted to have all my choice taken away from me when it comes to birth. After fighting so hard to get here & the high likelihood that this is our last baby, it's just hard - but then I feel awful for worrying, because our daughter actually getting here is so much more important in the long run. The mama guilt has started early with #2.
Looking forward to: Another week... I am just wanting this little baby to keep growing safely.
The Bump: Still in the weird, same-ish size, stage. I remember this from last time too.
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