I'm starting to feel a little bit drained.

In the meantime, who's up for a guessing game? Hair, eyes, date, length, weight.. good luck!

(As to when this little lady decides to make her grand appearance, well, your guess is as good as mine!)

This morning saw me head to the hospital for monitoring, as I hadn't felt baby girl move too much in the wee hours of the evening or this morning. Everything was okay - despite not having any huge movements during the trace, her heartbeat showed appropriate base lines and accelerations - so could well just be positioning or a quiet day. I'm back home now and monitoring some more, but I'll just see my OB as per normal on Friday if all goes well.

Despite the fright, I'm glad I went in. It ties in nicely to something (not so nice) that's been on my mind during these last few days - which is an irrational fear of something happening to the baby in the home stretch of this pregnancy.

I know it feels silly; we've beaten so many hurdles so far already. From surviving a first trimester where we were sure it was all over, the bleeds, the scares - to the bed resting and threat of pre-term labour early in the third trimester. But the fear of something going wrong now, or of baby being stillborn, it is a real thing.

I think a lot of it comes from seeing information scattered on social media, about stories and awareness. It's so important, yes - but it scares me. I just want this baby to get through the last few weeks of pregnancy (if we can stretch that far!) and come out the other side in our arms, safe and sound.

Almost 35 weeks... come on, baby girl. We can do this!

I feel like I should start every blog post with 'I'M STILL PREGNANT!' - huzzah!

Somehow we are still hanging on at almost 34 weeks.

Baby girl is averaging at 2.38kg (just over 5lbs) so growth is great, cervix has dilated to 2cm now, but membranes are still intact. We might just get to Georgia's gestation (36+) after all!

Also... I bit the bullet and ordered a wee personalised swaddle for her, so it looks like her name is set in stone too. I hope it gets here before she does.

The only negative is that baby has her spine to my spine, and is currently sunny side up - which explains the horrendous back pain I've been having these past few days. Let's hope she rolls over before the big day (ouch!)

Here's Squish-face McGee - a shocking photo because of her positioning, but... look at those cheeks!!

Just a small update -

We are at 32+5 now, and seemingly holding steady!

I saw my OB today and the baby is doing great, my cervix remains open at 1.5 - but with only a small increase in mucus discharge (sorry, TMI) he's confident we can push it for as long as possible. My home bed rest continues and I am to stay on all the medications (nifediprine and progesterone) until further notice.

Best of all, even if I DO go into labour, I'm at a steroid covered gestation that my local private hospital is accepting of, so I can deliver the baby close to home and with my own doctor.

Thanks everyone for the support... I'm bored and tired but I would do anything to keep her in as long as possible, so I'm really chuffed to have gotten here from 29-almost 33 weeks!! :)

No pictures this week, unless you're keen to see what my cervix looks like from the inside, haha - but I'm feeling really happy and hopeful as we have hit some good milestones.. here's to hopefully hitting some more!

I'm back home!

Bed rest.

It sounds so restful, doesn't it?

I take my hat off to everyone who has been here and done this, because it is a lot harder than I thought it would be.

First up, I'm grateful to even be here, because I feel like at the very least, I am doing everything in my power to stay pregnant right now. Whether it helps or not is controversial at best, but for me and my anxiety, I know my doctor has made the right call. And with only being 29 weeks when the cervical issues were discovered, I'd rather play it safe than risky.

So bed rest it is, but restful.. it is not.

My mind is always racing, worried about things I need to do, appointments I will need to reschedule or delegate, wondering whether Georgia is coping at home or daycare, thinking about all of the baby related things I still need to do, and jobs that hubby will have to take over.

The first hospital maternity ward was busy, filled with itty bitty newborns and busy nursing staff. The second hospital is a women's health ward, which needs doors opened at all time, and is noisy noisy noisy! There are meals every few hours, medications every few hours, beeps, flashes, passers by running up and down the hallway; the works. There are visitors (oh thank you, you have no idea how much you're helping pass the time!) and CTG checks, and lots of time spent staring at the ceiling.

But the beautiful thing about this time is that I feel really connected to the baby right now. Hearing her heart beating through the regular monitoring, having the time to lie still and feel her movements, talking to her and telling her to sternly stay put and keep growing... I feel closer to her than ever.

We are over two weeks into this, and she is still baking. I'm so proud of her.

A quick ultrasound earlier this week showed that she is measuring above average in all areas, bringing her estimated weight to around the 2kg mark for 31+ weeks. I'm so relieved that if nothing else, at least I can grow babies that are nice and chunky, as every little bit helps when it comes to an earlier than expected delivery. She's tracking on par to what Georgia was - and she was 3.5kg at 36 weeks! Guess we just make tall baby girls! :)

Keep your fingers crossed that we can get to the next milestone of 32 weeks this Saturday!

So, about that cervix...

Unfortunately the last 9 days of hospital bedrest didn't work their magic like we'd hoped. The scan yesterday showed that my short cervix has now effaced completely... and has dilated to 1.5cm. Baby is engaged, the amniotic sac is so so low, and I am having the most intense pelvic pressure already.

So what does that mean?

We've been transferred from my comfortable, local hospital to the big, busier public hospital about a half hour away. The reason for this is basically for baby - this hospital is the best place for me to be with the threat of premature labour looming, as their NICU is top notch. The frustrating part about moving is that my OB can't deliver me here if I go into labour before 32 weeks, so I've been (hopefully) temporarily handed over to a high risk MFM OB that works out of this hospital. I know I'm still in great hands, but it's not the same - my doctor has been incredible, and I'm so sad that there's a large chance he won't deliver this baby he's helped to keep baking for all of this time.

The plan is essentially the same. More hospital bedrest, the same nifediprine to stop contractions, progesterone pessaries to try and strengthen whatever little bit of cervix is still trying to hold on, and daily monitoring of the baby to make sure none of this puts her into distress. Because the risk of rupturing my membranes is so high, they won't be going near my ladybits if they don't have to - so we just wait and see whether my water breaks, if contractions begin, or if I can somehow keep this baby cooking a little longer while we're here.

My old milestones still stand:

Hitting 31 weeks (tomorrow - can we do it?)
Hitting 32 weeks (when I could potentially be transferred back to my local hospital)
Keeping this kid on the inside as long as possible.

I'm so scared, though. The support from friends and family and even complete strangers has been so, so special - and hearing positive stories about little ones born at or around this gestation is great. But I'm still scared. Our special care stay with Georgia was minimal (just a week after her 36 week birth) but I still remember how I felt during that time - so trying to mentally prepare myself for a lot more care and a longer duration... it's proving to be a pretty emotional experience, and she's not even here yet!

But all we can do is wait and hope. One day at a time - heck, one HOUR at a time! :)

Well, life has a funny way of going a bit pear shaped, doesn't it? :)

I went for my routine 29+3 OB visit yesterday, worried about baby being breech again and that was it. Other than my rib pain and some more discharge, I didn't actually have too many questions for my doctor.

After a quick chat, we started my scan. Baby girl looked perfect! Measured within a few days of our estimated due date, approximately 1.4kg in weight, cute as a button. During that belly scan though, the OB commented that he'd like to recheck my cervix to see where it was at.

(He later told me that he could already see an issue on that scan, but wanted to check first before worrying me.)

So... out came dildo cam, and that's here the bad news started. My cervix (which was 3+cm, long and closed just two weeks ago) has full funneling with membranes/fluid, and the closed portion has shortened to less than 1cm. In essence, it's both bulging and shortening in a very short time, which puts me at insane risk of preterm labour and having an extremely early delivery.

I was sent home to pack a hospital bag immediately, while the OB organised a second scan at a formal sonography place to confirm growth, measurements and cervical incompetency. Unfortunately, the results were the same. Seemingly healthy baby girl, on par for dates, but drastically reduced cervix with lots of funneling. Both the OB and the MFM doctor recommended hospital grade rest.

Here we are. Complete bed rest, only allowed up to pee/shower. I can sit up to eat, but then back down again. Compression stockings at the ready. Plenty of lying still with legs up, trying to fatten up this baby by keeping her baking at least another few weeks. I'm petrified of having her come too soon, but I'm doing everything I can to keep her in - as are my wonderful team of doctors/midwives. I've had two shots of steroids just in case, I'm on progesterone for my cervix, and I'm on medications to stop contractions/infections. There's nothing I can do now but wait and see.

It's super tough, but I'll do anything to have this little girl arrive healthy - and preferably a little later.

First milestone is 30 weeks, which will be on Saturday.
Second milestone is 31 weeks, when I'll be re-scanned to see if there's been any change.
Third milestone is 32 weeks, when I *may* be allowed to go home to continue bed rest.

My doctor is brilliant for picking this up - and I'm so thankful we've been doing regular cervical checks so that he can see that this big jump has happened quickly, and acted accordingly. I trust him. He can't guarantee anything, but the one thing he did say, was that he doesn't think we'll get to 36 weeks, like I did with Georgia. That scares me, because another baby in the NICU/SCN is what I was desperately hoping to avoid. Not going to happen, so I need to readjust my goals for the pregnancy.

Lucky she's cute, hey? :)

The OB called with our genetic testing results this morning. Our baby had Down's Syndrome.

We were expecting that there would be some kind of trisomy issue, because of the way I lost the baby {my body co-operated; it was the foetus that passed} - so we processed that news okay. From the early days, we always said we were prepared to deal with a special needs child, that they were a special gift. A part of me is sad that we didn't get the chance to be those parents. But then the other part of me is logically thinking about the varied spectrum of medical conditions that could have come along with Trisomy 21; and assuming that's why the miscarriage happened. I'd like to think our baby went peacefully, without a care in the world & is with my Nanna now.

But we also found out the gender of our little one.. and it was a boy.

I was pretty composed hearing about the chromosomal issue, because we were all ready for this. But I wasn't prepared for being so sad about finding out the gender. The grief is still the same, regardless of whether we lost a girl or a boy - but I wasn't expecting to hear it was a HE. My heart is broken for all the things that he won't get to do, that he won't grow up with a sister who loves him, and parents who are smitten with him.

We've talked about naming him. We'll see where our hearts lead us with that decision; now, we're back to grieving & moving forward. We had a son, and we won't ever get to know him - but man, he was a seriously loved little baby.

Well, I certainly wasn't expecting my usual Friday OB appointment to end up in a hospital stay, but hey: surprise!

While waiting at the OB's office, I overheard his receptionist telling another pregnant lady that Dr. P likely wouldn't be available that morning, as he was delivering a baby. That meant that his midwife was seeing his patients instead. I wasn't particularly impressed, as she hasn't been the most helpful recently - and because I was hoping to talk about getting a growth scan on baby, since she was measuring larger based on fundal heights.

Luckily, things worked out. The midwife had a huge backlog of patients - and as I watched my name move closer and closer to the front of the patient files, Dr. P arrived! Baby delivered & back to business. After he did some paperwork in his office, he came out to start seeing patients too - and guess who was the very first file he pulled? Me! Totally meant to be. :) He asked how I was feeling, which was fine, except I'd had a few less movements from the baby in the last day or two. He had a listen and a feel, and her heartbeat sounded nice and normal - but he was concerned when he checked my blood pressure and got a reading of 150/90.

This is high, even for my usual borderline results - so he told me that he'd like to have me be admitted for monitoring up in the birth suite, and to complete a few traces of baby's heartbeat & a 24-hour urine collection sample. It came as quite a surprise, so upstairs I went to be admitted. First stop: delivery rooms! It felt mighty weird being up there & not actually labouring, let me tell you. They took my blood pressure again (still high at 145/95) and did a CTG scan of baby for a little while. There is nothing sweeter than hearing that heartbeat pounding away.


Afterwards, I was admitted into the maternity ward - where over the last 24 hours I managed to pee in a GIANT container, have my blood pressure monitored every few hours, and checks on baby's heartbeat and movement. Good news? Baby is doing just fine, stubborn as always. And blood pressure dropped steadily as I was in the hospital - the final one this morning was 110/70 - the absolute lowest I've EVER had!

Not a huge fan of the hospital beds {my poor tailbone and back are killing me} but the staff seemed lovely, and it was a nice trial run of what to expect during our post-delivery stay. Had visits from hubby & parents too, which passed the time nicely. I woke up super early this morning to baby dancing to Justin Timberlake on the TV.


After one final CTG screen & the very last urine sample was collected, I asked the nurses to contact the doctor - I was feeling fine, but going stir crazy being stuck in the hospital! {I also felt really guilty about keeping the bed occupied, you know?} We were pleasantly surprised that the OB himself came in to check on me, and was pleased with both me & baby - he sent us home, under instructions to keep resting and take things easy. That I can do! :) I'm to go back and check blood pressure next week, and a regular OB appt the week after.


On a side note, fundal measurements put baby girl at 38 weeks (!!!) so I have to book in a growth ultrasound sometime next week - I'm hoping she's not too huge, but I'm happy to get to see her again!

It doesn't feel like all that long ago that we were counting down the days until our first ultrasound, our first OB appointment, our first peek into baby's measurements {& up her skirt, so to speak} - and now, here we are; a month away from being considered 'full term' and under seven weeks away from our due date.

How can the days go by so quickly and so slowly at the same time?

I have so many reasons why I want this pregnancy to go by quickly - I'm in the home stretch now, I'm tired, I'm starting to really feel the burn of the third trimester... and I just want my baby girl in my arms already. Also, a friend who was due closest to me just had her baby this week, and I am incredibly jealous! :)

As the exciting arrival time gets closer though, I have found myself thinking back to those early days; the ones involving the scary scans and probability ratios. If you weren't around then, we received a 'high risk' rating for abnormalities (1:169 general, 1:100 d/s) at the NT ultrasound, but opted not to undergo any invasive testing. We did this for several reasons - the risk of hurting the baby as a side effect from the amnio, and because whatever the result, we wouldn't have ended this pregnancy. It's a very personal decision to make, but we stand by it to this day.

With that said, not knowing has its difficulties too. I've watched other pregnant women go through the nerve-wracking wait for test results, but come out the other side with their reassuring 'all clear' results. I've looked on {a little jealously} as people get the simple blood test to rule out abnormalities - the one that's not commonly available here in Australia & costs thousands of dollars. Since we didn't have this option available to us, and weren't interested in the other forms of testing, our answer will become apparent at the birth.

Being given the thumbs up at the 19 week scan was a huge relief, since it meant that there were no obvious medical concerns or soft markers that flagged up. But as we all know, a healthy scan doesn't always necessarily mean a healthy baby - and it certainly wasn't able to tell us if our little girl might be born with Downs Syndrome or another chromosomal diagnosis. All we could really do was enjoy the pregnancy, and wait and see what happened at the end. And now that end is looming, I'm starting to prepare myself.

There is a 99% chance we will be blessed with a healthy baby girl. But there is a 1% chance that we'll be meeting our daughter & learning that she has special needs that we will cater to for the rest of our lives. I'm not one for betting or odds, but I do like being prepared - so I suppose it's natural that I've been thinking over all of the possibilities and doing lots of online research about living with children with special needs. I have no doubt in my mind that we'll do our absolute best as parents, regardless of what that percentage outcome says, but the unknown is still scary. My goal is to enjoy these last few weeks of the pregnancy, continue enjoying every movement that belts me from the inside out, and try to keep calm about the end result.

Whatever will be, will be. And I'm sure she'll be the most beautiful thing we've ever seen, no matter what.

I heard back from the obstetrician today, in regards to our NT scan earlier this week. I'd been playing phone tag for the past few days, and it was good to finally chat with him. He asked us if we had changed our initial plan of NOT having an Amnio after our high risk rating & was very supportive when I told him that we felt the same way: no further testing. He then went on to explain that the blood hormone testing is fairly modern, and that low readings tended to warrant monitoring, but not panic.

Those two words aren't ones that anyone would want to see/hear at their Nuchal Translucency screening, but there you have it. We're at a high risk for abnormalities.

Let me backtrack a little bit.

Jase couldn't come with me for the scan today, as he's beginning a two-week conference, so I asked the next best thing to come with me; mum! :) She was really happy to come along, and I was relieved to have someone drive me there, since I was a nervous wreck. I felt physically sick again as we were on our way there. I wonder if there'll ever be a time when going to see baby on the screen will be filled with pure joy vs. absolute terror?

Our sonographer was wonderful - she was so gentle with me, she explained everything as she went, telling me how great the baby was doing. Baby Jag was fast asleep, lying on it's back, with it's heart pumping away. Knowing how paranoid I was, she measured him for me, and bam! Back on track. 12 weeks exactly. Go baby!

The sonographer spent a good amount of time checking out the little one's organs, lengths, placenta and measurements. He's 5.6cm long and has all arms and legs, which flailed about all over the place later on in the scan. The nuchal fold measurement was normal, at 1.4mm thickness, and there was a nasal bone present. The heart was beating away at a healthy 164bpm, and my mum & I both cried like girls when we got to hear it for the first time.

We even got to see a 4D ultrasound - incredible. The detail is amazing! Baby decided to wake up then, and was doing crazy slides and kicks and headstands, which was hilarious. We left the ultrasound feeling relieved, and giddy with happiness. We have a BABY! Doing well! Happy as a clam. I couldn't wait to tell Jase.

Unfortunately, that's where things went downhill.

The blood results also need to be integrated into the risk factors, and as soon as our sonographer passed the scans/test papers over to the doctor in charge, I felt like I'd been kicked in the tummy. That's when I got nervous.

They explained that based on age alone, my risk for chromosomal abnormalities was 1:773. My ultrasound and age combined was 1:3865. But due to discrepancies in my blood-work  a very very low PAPP-A reading of .18 (when it should be 1.0) my pregnancy is considered high risk, at 1:169. The clinic considers anything higher than 1:300 as high risk, so I'm well in that category. I think I was in shock at this point; we'd just had such an incredible scan, how could this be happening?

She went on to tell me that it's not a guarantee, just a risk assessment - that was a 1% chance of something being wrong, but also a 99% chance of everything being fine. She did mention that babies with low PAPP-A need to be monitored for intra-uterine growth problems, but that doesn't usually happen until the third trimester. After explaining our further screening options, we left the clinic. My poor mum, having to witness me losing the plot.

At the end of the day, we won't be doing any further screening. I'm not risking the chances of miscarriage from CVS/Amnio screening, and let's face it - even if they DID flag up concerns, I would never terminate this pregnancy. This is our miracle baby and this was meant to be - so if we're greeted with a special needs child at birth, we'll be in shock, we'll deal with it, and we'll be the best parents we can be and love the crap out of this baby.

Besides... who couldn't love such an irresistible alien face? :)