31
days worth of anti-anxiety medication stored in my bathroom to get through the hard times this season.

27
months since we've been trying to add another baby to our family.

24
different tiny presents that have been lovingly wrapped and stuffed in a Santa sack.

19
great grandchildren that my Pop has all up, keeping him busy on his first Christmas without my Nan.

12
batteries powering up our pretty indoor signs this year.

10
days since our real tree went up, and it's still looking as lush and green now as it was then.. the perfect tree.

6
secret Santa gifters in my family... and nearly all of them know who's gifting who. Secret? Ha!

5 
pills of Letrozole finished, to try and at least have a natural-ish cycle on this month off.

4
ornaments on our tree to remember our wee ones, even though only one of them is here with us.

3 
hours that hubby spent assembling Miss G's Christmas gift.. and it's delightful.

2
parents who are sad, happy, tired and everything in between this holiday season.

&

1 
incredibly excited toddler, who is loving everything about the holiday season! :)

I've been sitting and stewing on an issue for almost a week now. It's a big one, and one that's going to be affecting Australian couples who are infertile and turning towards IVF in the near future.

If you'd like to read about it, please follow this link. In summary: The government is planning to cut funding to fertility treatment, thus increasing the out of pocket costs for IVF treatment, as well as reducing the current public health rebates.

Now, before I begin, let me be the first to say something;

I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR MY DAUGHTER. 

I've said it before, and I'll say it again every day for the rest of my life... but I feel like I need to reiterate this before I begin this tirade, because I'm sure that folks will be quick to remind me of how lucky I am to have her (I KNOW) and that I should consider myself blessed to have one child (I KNOW) or that I'm even able to access IVF at all (I KNOW) ... so there, it is.

So let's get back to the issue at hand. Do I have issues with this policy changing, as of January 1st? Absolutely. This is one which will affect us directly - and as a couple who are already using a more 'budget' clinic, it leaves our options rather limited. We can't move somewhere more affordable, or swap clinics again - there simply isn't anywhere else to go.

As it is, we've spent thousands of dollars on IVF cycles and additional medications that go along with them. The barely covered specialist appointments, the additional bloodwork and genetic testing that isn't covered by any rebates at all, the miscarriage procedures & pathology - add these in to our overall cycle costs for all of our fresh and frozen rounds of IVF, and it adds up. So much so that I don't even want to tally it all, because the figures will be terrifying.. and that's WITH the help of rebates. I have friends using the bigger clinics here, and their out of pocket costs are even more staggering.

People seem to think that with IVF being on the Medicare system, that means that we pay nothing. I don't think they realise that we are out of pocket every single time we attempt a cycle, whether it works or not. For each of my freeze all cycles, cycles we didn't even get to transfer an embryo, we still paid out of pocket... for not even a shot at a pregnancy. Yes, we're lucky enough to get partial subsidies from the public health system, but we are STILL paying... and with no guarantee!

The comments on these articles are heartbreaking.

I'm sure they are spoken flippantly by folks who either haven't dealt with infertilty themselves, or haven't known anyone personally who is going through all of this... but the ignorance astounds me.

Just adopt.
Realise that you weren't meant to have children, accept it and move on.
Stop using tax payers dollars, just pay for it yourself.
You don't deserve special financial help because you're female.
Why should you be entitled to have children that are funded by the rest of us?
Did I mention just adopt?

You can call me oversensitive, and tell me to "just deal" with my issues regarding infertility - and I won't debate you. Just ask the multitude of counsellors we've seen over the years, and are seeing now. Trust me, we're dealing with it. Just getting through each day of feeling the disappointment and overwhelming sadness that is infertility and loss, that's me dealing with it.

Infertility isn't a medical condition, you say? Children are a choice? Go ahead and talk to my very concerned GP and psychologist, who are working with me on strategies to deal with the anxiety and depression that have now taken hold, after spending countless years and dollars trying to conceive. Not having more children is a choice we can't accept just yet - not until we've given it literally everything we've got. Some folks don't even get that chance.

As for people complaining that people take advantage of the system and use IVF too many times - are you serious? Do you think we WANT to be doing this over and over again? Ask any woman, or couple, who are going through this kind of treatment - we all want this part over with. We're talking about invasive medical procedures, coupled with profound emotional disappointment and physical repercussions... we'd LOVE it if it worked the first time. Reality is, it doesn't work that way.

I'd like to invite these folks who show no sympathy for infertile couples to do some research on adoption in Australia.

We have virtually no systems in place for adoption here. Fostering, yes. Short term care, yes. International adoption? Not even a remote possibility, unless you have tens of thousands of dollars and a willingness to wait for years - with no guarantee of a successful adoption. Once again, I put it to you: do you think that the majority of infertile couples wouldn't have considered this, or done the homework? Aside from coming to terms with the emotional loss of a biological child (not something to be taken lightly for a lot of folks), it becomes very quickly obvious that adoption is not an option for most, whether they would be happy going down that path or not. It's just not that simple.

My husband & I have been infertile since our 20's. We have medical conditions that are the cause for our infertility, and we have no genetic reasons so far to explain our miscarriages, despite plenty of testing. We have not "put off" having children because we have other, more important things in life. We have been together since we were 18/19, and are very happily married as we speak - and all we ever wanted was a family to call our own. We are STILL young, fertility wise - 31/33 as of this moment. We work hard, we save hard, we limit our spending and don't do fancy things... because we are sensible, we don't get government hand-outs, and we are putting every cent we have towards expanding our family.

Am I bitter because I can't have children on my own? You're damn right. What I wouldn't give to be able to simply plan for a pregnancy, have a little lovin' and pop out a baby like seemingly everyone else on the planet.

Here's the thing; the public system and safety net funds all sorts of conditions and treatments. Do I complain, because my "tax payer dollars" pay for a lung transplant, or cancer treatment, for someone who CHOSE to smoke and developed a medical condition? Do I complain, because my "tax payer dollars" are helping someone have a knee replacement because they CHOSE to run marathons and have injured themselves? Absolutely not! Because health care is something that should be available for all of us who are living, working & contributing to Australia's future.

And really.. do they think that we're not tax payers ourselves? We have worked and paid our taxes our entire lives, just like everyone else... so when we need to utilise the system for the first time, why should we have that option taken away from us?

This policy change scares me. As if IVF and infertility treatment wasn't hard enough to deal with from an emotional perspective, the thought that we might have to stop because of finances.. well, it's a real kick in the guts. It makes me think of others who aren't so lucky, or who haven't been able to try for their dream of having a family; places where there is no coverage what-so-ever... and it makes me angry. Australia is a place that is special to me, and I've always been grateful for its public system and the way it supports its citizens - but now, it just leaves me filled with dread.

IVF is not a choice we make lightly. It's not a go-to for people who are lazy, or who leave it too late to have children, or for folks who want designer babies. I just wish people would stop being so quick to judge, and to have a little compassion for those of us who are unlucky enough to have this burden on our shoulders.

Without access to IVF, we wouldn't have our daughter. This amazingly stubborn, strong-willed, pocket rocket of a child, who brings us so much joy. I can't fathom life without her, and I can't fathom why folks wouldn't want others to experience the happiness that she has brought us.

And that's all I have to say about that.

We're somehow already halfway through a new month.. and I don't know how it happened, to be honest. At the rate this year is going, it'll be Christmas before we can blink.

So what have we been up to?

• In cycle news, I finally got a bleed a few days ago after the egg retrieval stim/freeze all. It took almost a whole two weeks to arrive, but it was a doozy when it eventually got here. Now I'm back on the pill for a cycle to ensure my ovaries calm the hell down. Frustrating, but what can you do?
• We've been outdoors! The weather has gone from Winter to Spring REALLY fast, and Georgia & I have been out with Spencer loads. She loves the backyard, it's hard to get her indoors again most days.
• Hopefully planning a few days away. We are all pretty burnt out over here with all the stuff that's been going down... so hopefully, if work allows it, we'll go away for a few days and have a bit of a break.
• Deliberating making our front room - currently a hardly used formal lounge - into a playroom for G. It'd mean a lot less clutter in the back room, and would give her a space to play in of her own. The downside? Getting rid of our lounges, figuring out a way to block off the staircase, and an Ikea trip for some storage cupboards for toys. This might end up being a bigger project than we thought..!

Partners in crime!

So much of this blog has focused on our efforts in adding to the family - but not today. Today it's all about my girl. My GROWN UP girl, who I swear I just gave birth to five minutes ago. How is she two already?!?

Her birthday is today, but her party was yesterday. She came downstairs to find the place decorated & best of all.. balloons! As a 1 year old, she couldn't care less about them - but this year, they brought her so much joy. She must have spent half an hour running around in her pyjamas that morning, chasing balloons around the house.

We had a fairly big party last year, where I went all out with a rainbow theme & we had fun celebrating with family, old friends & new friends from parenthood - but this year, we kept it simple.

I love it when gatherings are just... easy. Despite the actual chaos of cleaning house & preparing everything, the day itself was great. I'm lucky to have great helpers who could assist if we needed it, and hubby manning the barbeque - but all in all, I couldn't have asked for a better day for her! :)


She was very spoiled & I feel so lucky to have so many people around who love her and have watched her grow from a teeny tiny baby to this gorgeous, dramatic, opinionated, funny little girl.

Two years ago, this beautiful baby girl surprised us all by deciding today was her birthday. Two years on, and she continues to surprise us every day. I've never been happier than when I've been your mama, Georgia. We love you so much. xx

We officially survived our first family holiday - and had an amazing time. Fiji - you guys - it's beautiful.

I love finding new Australian retailers, particularly ones that have lovely customer service. I came across Hippo Blue earlier in the year when looking for items for my daughter. At the time, I didn't end up purchasing - but when I was approached a few weeks back asking if I'd be interested in taking a look at some of their personalised stationery products, I was VERY excited!

I was hoping to receive a few different items so that I'd have a better idea of what the products looked like in person, but I received the personalised calendar planner on its own.

Don't mind the security blur on the images - but as you can see, it was made specially for our family. The monthly planner came with enough individual sheets to last a year, and they are unlabelled - so you can add in your dates whenever you receive them. It's also got enough room down the side to add in extra information that might not fit within the smaller squares.

I'm constantly telling hubby when we have things on, and he's constantly forgetting what I tell him - so this works well for both of us! This picture was taken before I filled it in with the dozens of Christmas & holiday things we have going on - but it's perfect for the fridge door. No excuses for not remembering what's coming up now! :)

It was very simple to use the website: pick your item of choice, choose your design & colours, add in the personalised text you're after & choose a font. After that, it's as easy as waiting for your items to be despatched.

The paper is lovely & I was really happy with the colours I chose - the only thing that could make it better would be if the sheets came on a pad of some kind, instead of loose sheets of paper.

They have lots of goodies on the website that would make great Christmas gifts, so check them out! What sort of items would you find useful to be personalised?

Breathe Gently was provided with a personalised monthly planner from the folks at Hippo Blue - all reviews are my own. If you are interested in a product review appearing on Breathe Gently, please email me.

As is often the case with the elusive fickle toddler, this lasted all of five minutes before she wandered off to find something else to play with. Musical instruments? Nah. Building blocks? No way! Slightly irritating stuffed singing piggy? Yep yep yep!

Georgia was happily playing away, and I was happily taking photographs of her - she was in a great mood and was looking super cute in her summery outfit. It was then that I noticed she was REALLY paying attention to the pig - and I couldn't figure out why. Until she babbled something in gibberish, grabbed my hand, and passed me over something. She does this quite often; though it's usually clumps of car fur, or dust bunnies, or crumbs she's found on the floor, so I didn't think much of it. Until I opened my hand and IT WAS A SPIDER.

Yargh!

It was quickly smooshed {sorry, but we don't do spidies in this household} but not before I'd bellowed out a chorus of expletives, as Georgia sat there innocently watching me. You watch, she'll say those before she says 'Nanna' or 'Dog'. ;)

Wasn't until after she'd gone to bed and I uploaded the photos that I realised I had the whole thing on film - the only thing missing was my reaction, which is probably a good thing.

Luckily it was just a harmless house spider. When she gets bigger, we'll have to be having words about leaving spiders alone; Australia has too many dangerous ones that sometimes wander inside houses. She thought the whole thing was hilarious - my response to it most of all. This crazy kid, giving me heart attacks on a daily basis.

There has been a bit of a media frenzy here in Australia over the last few days, with the announcement of the opening of Sydney's first bulk-billed IVF centre. From the reading I've done, the majority of procedures will be covered by Medicare {the currently-free Australian healthcare system} and there will be some out of pocket costs, for items that aren't listed on their books. The news reports are claiming costs of $500 for a procedure.

This news is really exciting to me, as I'm sure it is to many couples struggling to conceive. The double whammy of needing IVF is not only the emotional aspect of it all - it's the financial side of things. Paying excessive amounts of money to achieve something that your body just isn't able to do on its own; it hurts.

We've been lucky with our experience - we researched a lot of clinics, and ended up using one that is currently one of the most reasonably priced in Sydney. There are some consequences with saving money there; we are part of a clinic, so don't see the same doctor for procedures - it's whoever happens to be working as our dates are scheduled. I also had to have my egg retrieval procedure done under local anaesthetic and twilight sedation, as opposed to being knocked out in a day surgery. {Yargh!} But to us, it was the only way we could jump into IVF after not being able to conceive on our own.

But there are a LOT of people who aren't local to our clinic, and who only have expensive private clinics available to them. This impacts on whether they're able to go down the assisted conception route, or how many cycles they can go through if they are unsuccessful in becoming pregnant. Hearing about this bulk-billed, low cost clinic, sounds like a dream come true to a lot of people.

That said, I've read a lot of negative comments about it too. Not surprisingly, a lot of the criticism is being offered by Australians who have never struggled to fall pregnant, never been told they couldn't have a baby, never needed to even THINK about spending money on this sort of a procedure. They say: Why should tax payers foot the bill for a non life-threatening procedure? It's only babies, after all. Not that important. Maybe they should 'just adopt' or get a pet instead?

My blood boils reading this sort of nonsense. It actually boils. The sense of entitlement some of those comments project ... the 'well, if you can't have kids, it must be for a reason' ideology - it blows my mind. For so many people, infertility is a disease. It may not be life threatening, but we live every day with emotional and with physiological scars from it. Why should couples that are struggling to conceive simply give up their dream of having a family, because other people don't think they're 'in need enough' to qualify? And how can anyone chime in on this discussion who hasn't been through these circumstances themselves? If you've never had to even THINK about potentially needing IVF to conceive, you don't deserve to come in and shoot down the idea of making it affordable for hundreds or thousands of potential parents - parents who wouldn't get a chance any other way.

This whole thing makes me so thankful. Thankful that I live in Australia, where we do have certain parts of things covered by Medicare, even if private health insurance isn't interested in covering infertility treatments. Thankful that we conceived Georgia after two rounds of IVF, not twenty. Thankful that we live locally to an affordable clinic. Thankful for this little jellybean in my tummy, and that we even get to be parents at all.

I just wish that everyone had the same opportunities that we do - and that people who have no stake in such a sensitive topic, could stay the hell away from it.

Miss Georgia is currently snoozing, so I thought I might update about life in general. Things are good - great, even. I feel so lucky to be able to say that. The baby is sleeping better, even if she's still avoiding naps like the plague. I'm still doing my Couch 2 5K three times a week, and feel like I'm doing well there. I lost about 3kg in January; nothing to write home about, but a step in the right direction. I've cooked a fair bit & am experimenting with new foods.

Hubby & I have been taking some time out with just us and it's been positive. It's so easy to get lost and focused on all things baby, and it's taken a while to realise that we were starting to get stuck in a rut. His current job project has allowed him to work from home, so we're being really spoiled by that. He's able to look after Georgia while I run about and get things done, which is great for both of us - he gets to see her learning new things, and I get a tiny bit more independence. Her bedtime routine is pretty consistent now, and she's asleep by 8pm - so we get the evening to spend together. Sounds silly, but we spent months being so tired that we'd have dinner, play on the internet {me downstairs; him upstairs} and realise that we'd crashed into bed at the end of the night and barely seen each other of a night time. I'm happy to say this has changed for the better. Board games, for the win!

All in all, I'd say we're in a great spot right now. And this little girl makes life so much more fun. She's a sweetheart.

Oy, shocker few weeks here!

I was struck down with a nasty gastro bug that left me admitted in hospital fighting dehydration - my first night away from the baby, and it wasn't even to have a romantic weekend away with the hubby! It was pretty awful and I won't go into details, but I learned a few things from that experience: I missed Georgia like crazy, trying to find breastfeeding friendly drugs is HARD, and pumping every 3-4 hours sucks. Literally.

Dude - being sick sucks on its own. Being sick as a mum is a nightmare! No sick leave from this job, that's for sure. Especially when you are single parenting during the week when hubby is working away. All I can say is this: thank the heavens for awesome family members.

I've been fighting the bug for the past week & have had a few recurrences (joy!) but in the meantime, Georgia has been amazing! Maybe it's been a necessity, or maybe just a fluke, but she has been SO good with other people since I've been sick. The last few weeks she's been very clingy, crying when away from me and upset with other people holding her. This week gone by? She's all smiles. Loving cuddles from her grandparents, her aunty & uncle and some family friends at her Christening. Hopefully this trend continues.

Speaking of Georgia, she has outgrown her cradle at 23 weeks old, so we got a good stretch out of it. She could still fit in there length-wise for a while longer, but she's rolling and kicking now, and is constantly waking up with arms and legs hanging out of the bars! I'm not ready for her to be in her own room yet, so we're starting to transition her into the full-sized portacot next to our bed. Naps there started today - not very successful so far, but day sleeps have always been hit or miss around here. The test will be the evenings...

Here on the blog, it's been all Georgia, all the time. Not that there's anything wrong with that; she's been the centre of everything since her arrival - but there are other things that have been happening, too.

Hubby has been working overseas in New Zealand quite a bit - what was supposed to be a six week project turned into an ongoing one with no end date in sight. He fought them {using G as his reasoning} and got out of going there consecutively, but those Sunday-Wednesday night weeks were exhausting, for him and for us. He gave his notice in a few weeks ago, and starts his new job next week.

Yep, new job! My clever husband found a new job quite quickly. Sad news is there's a little travelling involved in this one too, but it's interstate in Melbourne, and they're quite happy to fly him back and forth on Monday-Fridays. They've also offered to put him up in a serviced apartment, so that Georgia & I can fly down every now and then to be there with him! This one's for three months, and then he'll be based in Sydney for a change.

I've been trying to get out and about now that Georgia is bigger and has had her second batch of vaccinations. We've visited my old workplace, friends and a few family members, and I've been making an effort to catch up with other local mums that I've met through due-in-groups. There are a few lovely local mums that are very sweet, with babies close to her age. It's so fun seeing them all hanging out together, even though they don't do much other than tummy time & coo-ing at one another. It'll be even better when they're on the move!

Sometimes this motherhood thing can be lonely, though. Apparently having a baby can make you a social leper.

I've been putting my energy into planning Georgia's christening, which is coming up in a couple of weeks. The church is booked, the invitations have been sent out - outfit sort of planned, candle planned. Next up is getting things ready for afterwards at our place. I think Mum & I are going to attempt the cake again, and we'll just grab some sandwich platters & snacks. The biggest question is going to be whether Georgia will fit into my old christening gown, which I'd really love for her to wear - my late Nanna hand-sewed little bows on the dress, and it would mean a lot for her to wear it. Keep your fingers crossed for us!

Speaking of snacks.. I've rekindled my love for my slow cooker. Having a baby that sleeps well at night but hardly naps during the day means that my hands are full nearly all the time - so cooking can be tricky. The slow cooker means that I can throw something into it in the morning and leave it all day... easy peasy. My favourites are apricot chicken & roast meats, but I'm starting to get a bit adventurous. If you have any favourite slow cooker recipes, feel free to point them out to me. There's a roast lamb in mine at the moment & it smells amazeballs.

Since my life has changed so much in the last year, I can't NOT end this post with my beautiful daughter. This exact day last year I was blown away when my second IVF flashed up as PREGNANT on a digital test.

We've come a long way, baby. Georgia is 19 weeks old now, say what?

We're still solely breastfeeding at the moment - it's been a struggle, but I'm happy with how we're going. Georgia feeds on the breast during the day, and we give a top-up bottle just before bed, to encourage her to have a good sleep. Touch wood, but it seems to be going well for us so far. I pump twice a day - morning and bedtime. I don't get a lot, but I'm not as worried about the amounts, especially now that I have a freezer stash I can start working through.

This has been one heck of a week.

We said goodbye to my Nanna at a beautiful funeral service, where we celebrated her happy, smiling face & released doves into a picture perfect blue sky. It was so very hard, but I know she would have been happy.

Whoops!

All of a sudden, it's March - and I've been a neglectful little blogger, haven't I? In truth, there's really not all that much actually happening.

TTC has taken over my brain, and we're waiting around for our IVF appointment next week. The waiting, waiting, waiting is so hard. I hate this part. You try so hard to live your life and not let it be the sole focus - but when it's all you want, how do you do that?

Work is work. My Year 1 class are tough little nuggets, let me tell you.

The house has been wonderful - on the inside. Sydney weather has been so completely rotten - we've had rain constantly this year. That means that our driveway? Still isn't finished. Landscaping? Nope. That means we're living in a lovely house... that is surrounded by muddy, clay puddles. It's awful. I know it'll happen eventually, but it's a mess right now.

Speaking of the house, we've been so unlucky - we have been cursed to move next door to an asshole. He's been difficult for months on end now, even before we had built the house. He was rude to the builders, he parked his old, oil-leaking car in our space, and his evil wife even rang our site supervisor, screaming her head off... and pretending to be me. (Seriously - I've never been impersonated before. I'm torn between feeling flattered & incredibly stabby.)

Well, they've laid turf over our property line & are refusing to accept that. We've sent them survey copies, we've sent them the plans that prove the line, and they're having nothing to do with it. Jase went to serve them a notice of intent to remove the turf - they threw the written letter back at him and slammed the door in his face. He put the letter in their postbox & emailed it to them as well - and we found the soggy envelope thrown in a puddle on our front lawn today. Say it with me now... assholes.

Thing is, we try hard to be good neighbours. The one on our other side are fantastic - we've had a couple of wine and cheese nights with them, they've cut our hair (a hairdresser next door=fabulous) and we've cat-sit for them. We're nice people. We do the right thing. It just sucks when people take advantage of that. Well, no more trying anymore. Hopefully we'll solve this whole thing soon, so we don't have to have anything to do with them again. And we certainly won't be offering to loan them any sugar, should they ever need it.

Now... what's been happening with YOU lately?

P.S. I have two adorable kitties. Just saying.

Somehow the holidays are over, already.

It feels as though I literally JUST packed up my classroom ready for the Christmas holiday break. Suddenly, it's back to work tomorrow - ready for a whole new class, a whole new year, a whole new set of challenges.

This year, my class is going from 23 students to 29. That may not sound like much, but it's a huge increase when you're talking about the ability to work with each child 1:1. I'm kind of bummed about it, but it's out of my hands.  All we can do is cross our fingers and hope for some new enrolments that will bring our numbers back up to where they need to be. It bugs me though, seeing as the government is constantly pushing for us to have smaller class sizes - yet they're being difficult and refusing to pay the school the funding to employ another teacher. Politics + education = disaster.

It's back to planning and programming. It's back to early mornings and late nights. It's back to new parents, new kiddies, new responsibilities. Here's hoping 2012 is a great year!

Why, hello there... from our new house!

We moved in on Thursday - and it's starting to feel a little more like home and a little less like 'the new house'.

There's still loads to do. Blinds are being installed this week, the cable television is being put in, and if we're lucky and the weather is good, the driveway should be laid on Thursday. And let's not even talk about the unpacking, or the cleaning, or the organising. I'm slightly {completely?} obsessive-compulsive about how I want things to be, so it's probably taking me a little longer than it would a regular person... but I hope it'll be worth it in the end.

Oscar and Evie are loving the new place just as much as Jase and I do. They've gotten really comfortable, really quickly - and they've already scoped out their new favourite places. Oscar is up and down the stairs constantly, which we're hoping will help him loose his gigantic pooch belly. Evie is getting bigger every day, and is such a snuggler. The last few nights have seen all four of us relaxing in our new living room - Oscar and Jase on one sofa, Evie and I on the other. It's lovely.

I don't have too many pictures just yet, but I promise once the house doesn't resemble a pig-sty, I'll get a whole batch up here for you. In the meantime - how about a sneak peak? It's not the greatest one, with all the sun glare and what-not, but it's cozy all the same.

This time next week, we'll be in our new house.

Say... what?

I am counting down the days until Thursday. I'm so tired of running back and forth between our apartment and the house, but that's going to be my life for the next 6 days while Jase is working. We have appointments and deliveries and tradesmen coming in to the house daily, so I need to be there to let them in and to be there if they need me.

We thought we'd get lucky and not have to worry about a real estate inspection before we move out, but we spoke too soon - there's an open home on the apartment tomorrow. So, instead of just relaxing and packing at our leisure, I've spent today cleaning like a fiend and removing every trace of cat fur in the place. (Yes, our two kitties are living here illegally. But only for SIX MORE DAYS.)

The flooring is looking really good - timber downstairs, on the staircase & in the upstairs living room. The carpet is already completed in the four bedrooms and looks great too.

I'm so, so relieved that this is going to be our final big move for a long while. I've packed and unpacked and moved about way too much for my liking in the last three years! :) I don't have a lot of pictures uploaded at the moment, but I promise I'll take more once the new furniture and appliances are in later this week. For now, here's a sneak peek of the floorboards.

Goodbye to 2011, which:

... was one pretty busy year!
... will stay in my heart always as the year I married my soul-mate. I'm so happy!
... saw us begin building our brand new home. Stressful, but exhilarating at the same time.
... somehow had me fall into a teaching position where I've never felt quite so at home. So thrilled to be back there again this next year.
... let me get back into a 'bff' routine, seeing my favourite person on a weekly basis. Huzzah!
... saw us adopt Evie and add her to our family of four. Oscar continues to be such a sweet boy.
... brought about some fertility struggles for J & I and just a little sadness in that respect.

But now, it's a brand new year. Hello to 2012, which:

... is going to be the year of the house. I can't wait to get moved in {12 days!} and start making it our own - our house. I can't believe we're almost there
... is going to be about perseverance. I need to keep on working towards the things that I want, without letting myself get dejected and throw in the towel
... is all about baby steps. I'm keeping it simple: eat well, move more
... is going to see us get more aggressive on the baby front. We've tried things out for this past year, the unmonitored cycles aren't resulting in ovulation & I am going to be on the look-out for a new RE in the coming months
... is going to be about saving vs. spending money. Unless, of course, it's house related - in which it doesn't count
... is going to be a cracker of a year. I can feel it in my bones!

Ugh, guys, I am so sorry I've dropped off the face of the earth lately.

Life is busy. Good, stressful, nerve-wracking, busy. We have so much going on and time is flying and my head/heart are being torn in a million different directions... but it's all okay. I'm trying to take one day at a time. It's so hard when things are out of your control. I don't cope well with not being responsible for making things happen when I want them to. Waiting around has never been a strong point of mine.

I feel like I've been in limbo on three main things: house, work, baby.

All of them will hopefully sort themselves out in time, but that's the thing: I'm sick of the whole 'time' thing. I feel like I've been waiting around for what feels like eons, for each of these things to be resolved - only time keeps on ticking, and we keep on waiting. The waiting, the uncertainty.. it's doing my head in.

On the house front, we're putting all of our good karma into a box and sending it off, hoping against hope that things work out. We are so close, literally, THIS CLOSE, to having the house finished and ready to hand over; in fact, we were promised that it'd all be sorted out by Christmas. Well, that was before the weather gods decided that they'd like this summer to be the coldest and wettest December we've had in FIFTY YEARS in Sydney. Seriously. It has rained constantly this month - meaning our home hasn't been finished. Our final inspection was supposed to have been yesterday, but because of the weather delaying the exterior painting, it's been pushed back to next Wednesday. As in, three days before Christmas. And guess what the forecast is meant to be early next week? PLEASE DON'T RUIN THIS FOR US, WEATHER GODS. If you're so inclined, we would love for a little positive juju and crossed fingers. If the house isn't completed and handed over prior to Christmas, we will end up waiting until the END of January before we can hand over.

On the work front, I'm lucky enough to be going back on class next year. Unfortunately, our school numbers have dropped, which means that we lose a class AND the rest of our classes will be really large. Instead of 24 year 1/2 kiddies, I'll be on 29 next year. That extra group of children will make a massive difference to the way the classroom will run, so I'm mentally preparing myself for it now. I also really feel for a colleague of mine who desperately needs a full-time job, but is waiting around to find out if our numbers will rise - I've been in that limbo myself, so I'm praying it works out for her.

On the baby front, sweet nothing is happening. This one is the hardest of all. It is so, so difficult to watch people around you fall pregnant with what seems like very little effort at all, and to be constantly wishing for what other people have. TTC is all about emotions. You start off with excitement, then uncertainty, then nerves, then anger, then frustration, then hopefulness, then boredom, and so on and so forth. Last cycle, I was back on the 'excitement' train, hopeful that Clomid would do the trick. That didn't work, so this time around I'm sort of numb. If it didn't work last time, why should this time be any different? If the Clomid does do it's job, I'm supposed to ovulate around Christmas time - and I can't think of a more perfect gift than that.

I know that none of these things are ones I can change, but I will keep on keeping on.