I'm starting to feel a little bit drained.

In the meantime, who's up for a guessing game? Hair, eyes, date, length, weight.. good luck!

(As to when this little lady decides to make her grand appearance, well, your guess is as good as mine!)

This morning saw me head to the hospital for monitoring, as I hadn't felt baby girl move too much in the wee hours of the evening or this morning. Everything was okay - despite not having any huge movements during the trace, her heartbeat showed appropriate base lines and accelerations - so could well just be positioning or a quiet day. I'm back home now and monitoring some more, but I'll just see my OB as per normal on Friday if all goes well.

Despite the fright, I'm glad I went in. It ties in nicely to something (not so nice) that's been on my mind during these last few days - which is an irrational fear of something happening to the baby in the home stretch of this pregnancy.

I know it feels silly; we've beaten so many hurdles so far already. From surviving a first trimester where we were sure it was all over, the bleeds, the scares - to the bed resting and threat of pre-term labour early in the third trimester. But the fear of something going wrong now, or of baby being stillborn, it is a real thing.

I think a lot of it comes from seeing information scattered on social media, about stories and awareness. It's so important, yes - but it scares me. I just want this baby to get through the last few weeks of pregnancy (if we can stretch that far!) and come out the other side in our arms, safe and sound.

Almost 35 weeks... come on, baby girl. We can do this!

I feel like I should start every blog post with 'I'M STILL PREGNANT!' - huzzah!

Somehow we are still hanging on at almost 34 weeks.

Baby girl is averaging at 2.38kg (just over 5lbs) so growth is great, cervix has dilated to 2cm now, but membranes are still intact. We might just get to Georgia's gestation (36+) after all!

Also... I bit the bullet and ordered a wee personalised swaddle for her, so it looks like her name is set in stone too. I hope it gets here before she does.

The only negative is that baby has her spine to my spine, and is currently sunny side up - which explains the horrendous back pain I've been having these past few days. Let's hope she rolls over before the big day (ouch!)

Here's Squish-face McGee - a shocking photo because of her positioning, but... look at those cheeks!!

Just a small update -

We are at 32+5 now, and seemingly holding steady!

I saw my OB today and the baby is doing great, my cervix remains open at 1.5 - but with only a small increase in mucus discharge (sorry, TMI) he's confident we can push it for as long as possible. My home bed rest continues and I am to stay on all the medications (nifediprine and progesterone) until further notice.

Best of all, even if I DO go into labour, I'm at a steroid covered gestation that my local private hospital is accepting of, so I can deliver the baby close to home and with my own doctor.

Thanks everyone for the support... I'm bored and tired but I would do anything to keep her in as long as possible, so I'm really chuffed to have gotten here from 29-almost 33 weeks!! :)

No pictures this week, unless you're keen to see what my cervix looks like from the inside, haha - but I'm feeling really happy and hopeful as we have hit some good milestones.. here's to hopefully hitting some more!

I'm back home!

Bed rest.

It sounds so restful, doesn't it?

I take my hat off to everyone who has been here and done this, because it is a lot harder than I thought it would be.

First up, I'm grateful to even be here, because I feel like at the very least, I am doing everything in my power to stay pregnant right now. Whether it helps or not is controversial at best, but for me and my anxiety, I know my doctor has made the right call. And with only being 29 weeks when the cervical issues were discovered, I'd rather play it safe than risky.

So bed rest it is, but restful.. it is not.

My mind is always racing, worried about things I need to do, appointments I will need to reschedule or delegate, wondering whether Georgia is coping at home or daycare, thinking about all of the baby related things I still need to do, and jobs that hubby will have to take over.

The first hospital maternity ward was busy, filled with itty bitty newborns and busy nursing staff. The second hospital is a women's health ward, which needs doors opened at all time, and is noisy noisy noisy! There are meals every few hours, medications every few hours, beeps, flashes, passers by running up and down the hallway; the works. There are visitors (oh thank you, you have no idea how much you're helping pass the time!) and CTG checks, and lots of time spent staring at the ceiling.

But the beautiful thing about this time is that I feel really connected to the baby right now. Hearing her heart beating through the regular monitoring, having the time to lie still and feel her movements, talking to her and telling her to sternly stay put and keep growing... I feel closer to her than ever.

We are over two weeks into this, and she is still baking. I'm so proud of her.

A quick ultrasound earlier this week showed that she is measuring above average in all areas, bringing her estimated weight to around the 2kg mark for 31+ weeks. I'm so relieved that if nothing else, at least I can grow babies that are nice and chunky, as every little bit helps when it comes to an earlier than expected delivery. She's tracking on par to what Georgia was - and she was 3.5kg at 36 weeks! Guess we just make tall baby girls! :)

Keep your fingers crossed that we can get to the next milestone of 32 weeks this Saturday!

So, about that cervix...

Unfortunately the last 9 days of hospital bedrest didn't work their magic like we'd hoped. The scan yesterday showed that my short cervix has now effaced completely... and has dilated to 1.5cm. Baby is engaged, the amniotic sac is so so low, and I am having the most intense pelvic pressure already.

So what does that mean?

We've been transferred from my comfortable, local hospital to the big, busier public hospital about a half hour away. The reason for this is basically for baby - this hospital is the best place for me to be with the threat of premature labour looming, as their NICU is top notch. The frustrating part about moving is that my OB can't deliver me here if I go into labour before 32 weeks, so I've been (hopefully) temporarily handed over to a high risk MFM OB that works out of this hospital. I know I'm still in great hands, but it's not the same - my doctor has been incredible, and I'm so sad that there's a large chance he won't deliver this baby he's helped to keep baking for all of this time.

The plan is essentially the same. More hospital bedrest, the same nifediprine to stop contractions, progesterone pessaries to try and strengthen whatever little bit of cervix is still trying to hold on, and daily monitoring of the baby to make sure none of this puts her into distress. Because the risk of rupturing my membranes is so high, they won't be going near my ladybits if they don't have to - so we just wait and see whether my water breaks, if contractions begin, or if I can somehow keep this baby cooking a little longer while we're here.

My old milestones still stand:

Hitting 31 weeks (tomorrow - can we do it?)
Hitting 32 weeks (when I could potentially be transferred back to my local hospital)
Keeping this kid on the inside as long as possible.

I'm so scared, though. The support from friends and family and even complete strangers has been so, so special - and hearing positive stories about little ones born at or around this gestation is great. But I'm still scared. Our special care stay with Georgia was minimal (just a week after her 36 week birth) but I still remember how I felt during that time - so trying to mentally prepare myself for a lot more care and a longer duration... it's proving to be a pretty emotional experience, and she's not even here yet!

But all we can do is wait and hope. One day at a time - heck, one HOUR at a time! :)