... & so little spare time to say it all.

I have so many things to chat about, things to share with you & even a few amazing reviews too. School work + wedding planning + life in general is going by at crazy speeds, and I'm barely keeping afloat.

Since it's Monday already (how did that happen!?) I'll leave you with one of my favourite mellow songs, by the musical genius that is The Cure. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...

There are some strange stirrings in the air at the moment.

I'm not entirely sure where they're leading, and I'm not entirely sure if they'll work out, but I'm hopeful. Being hopeful is a good thing, it stops me from stressing.

If they don't work out, I will be fine.
I will not be stressed.
I will continue to be calm.
I will be laidback and will try not to think too much.
I will keep on slogging it out.

Bear with me for now, even though I'm being a bit cryptic. And send positive vibes!

Apparently you guys are in agreement with me: pieces of bread with nutella slathered on top can solve any problem. Or at least make you feel better about any problem. You don't need to talk to the hand today. Am feeling sociable. And friendly. And there are no LOLROOs in sight.

I've been thinking an awful lot lately, and I'll admit it; it's beginning to make me stressed. I was talking to Jason last night and mentioned that I just wished I was overseas now. I think I've had enough.

I'm moving to England. In two weeks time. EXACTLY TWO WEEKS.

That's pretty much it. It's all I'm thinking about. I'm going insane.

It hit me this morning as I was writing the date on the blackboard here at school, that it's really happening. And it's happening bloody soon. I've mentioned before that it felt like only last week that Jason left. Then it was half way done, and school was heading into the fourth term. Soon after that, out came the Christmas decorations. And the questions started: "When are you leaving?" Back then, my response was always "At the end of the year." Now when people ask me, the answer is "In a couple of weeks" - which I blurt out, and then go into panic mode.

I'm yet to sell my car - which now has a few dents in it from the freak hailstorm that hit us over the weekend. Talk about the worst timing in the world! I don't know anything about cars, so haven't listed it on any places yet. I feel like getting all girly and asking my daddy to help me do it, but I know he's busy too coming up to Christmas - so I'm not sure what I am going to do about that. Why can't I just close my eyes, blink a few times whilst waggling my nose, and then open them again to find my car sold & some extra $$ in my pocket?

Other than acquiring a nice stash of space bags, my packing hasn't progressed much further either. My room looks like a brothel (no, not literally) and I'm having to jump over piles of stuff just to get to my computer. Thankfully I have the laptop up and running now; meaning if I jump the right way, I can end up on my bed with a computer ready to go. It's the ultimate accessory for a couch potato like me.

I've not heard anything on the job front: agency after agency have set up first appointments for me, yet no jobs have been offered. Despite not worrying too much, I had my heart set on being offered something before I leave - looks like I'll have to be patient and hope the right job finds me once I'm over there. Or perhaps I'll just arrive in the UK and turn into the perfect little house-girlfriend. I could do that.

Add into the mix a whole assortment of other things to do, like staff nights out, dinner catch ups, visiting relatives, finalising school reports, getting through another eight days of school and realising that I'm going to be thousands of miles away from my parents and my pets, and you've got yourself a walking talking nervous wreck.

I'm ready to go, I really am. I'm ready for a change, I'm ready for a new experience. I'm ready to explore London. And I'm ready for lots of hugs with the boy; I wonder how slowly the next fourteen days will go by.

I've just spent the afternoon reading the newest PostSecret book, and finding myself completely in awe at the number of secrets in there. I've never submitted any, but I know there would be a few I could whip up, should I ever feel the need.

We all have secrets. Sometimes we choose to share them with the people we love, other times we feel the need to hide them from those very same people. I like to think of myself as a fairly open person to the people I trust, but there are still a good few things I keep to myself. There are some secrets very few people know of, and I have a feeling they'll be the ones that stick around for a lifetime.

But to honour all of those amazing people who pour their heart and soul into their secrets, here's one of mine, displayed for the world to see. (Including my horrid paint skills.)

For the purpose of disclosure, it's completely anonymous, of course.

So tell me, have you got an anonymous secret you feel like sharing today?

It's October 15th, at least here in Sydney. Along with thousands of other bloggers world-wide, I decided to take part in Blog Action Day, a day dedicated to the environment.

I've had my fair share of worries when it comes to the environment, including a rather long rant about a certain 'Inconvenient Truth'. But I thought long and hard about what it was that I felt I needed to say today. What about it is most important to me?

I think I figured it out. To me, it's all about the children.

When I was growing up in Sydney's western suburbs, the summers were scorching. It wasn't uncommon for us to whip out the sprinkler and spend an entire afternoon simply cooling off under the water. That part of my childhood is something I remember, something that I enjoyed. And it's already something that my future children will not get to experience, due to the current water restrictions that have been put into place, due to the current crisis.

The students that I teach at school are young, mostly seven and eight years old. Most don't come from well off families, or well educated ones. And subsequently, most just don't know how important the environment is to us, other than from what they are taught at school.

It's my responsibility to show them that. A big job yes, but oh so important. In twenty years, these kidlets will be making the decisions for themselves. These kidlets are the ones who will be raising their own families. And these kidlets may be responsible for the way our environment is changing, particularly here in Australia. It's my responsibility to open their eyes.

So today on Blog Action Day, and on any day, my one request is that you talk to your children. Chances are, they will have some sort of understanding as it is. But if they do not, if they aren't discussing the environment in their classroom, it will fall onto your shoulders to tell them the facts, and to tell them what is going on around them. Let's get informed.

A couple of weeks ago, I came out and stated that I was a pretty mellow girlfriend when push came to shove. Yeah, well, fast forward to today, where I've decided that I'm taking it all back. Bugger putting up that cool, non-plussed exterior.

As of right now? I feel like a big, gigantic mess.

The final realisation that I won't actually be seeing Jason for six months is pissing me off.
The fact that my brain and heart are over-reacting to trivial things is pissing me off.
The questions that people ask about long distance relationships are pissing me off.
The comments that people make about long distance relationships are pissing me off.

In fact, the idea that I'll actually be a part of a long distance relationship in just a few short weeks, is sounding less and less appealing as each day goes past. Last night, my dreams centred around my wedding, and it seemed as though everything was falling apart. In the dream I was so out of the loop, that I remember sitting (dressed in bridal attire) at the top of my staircase, just asking the people dashing around me exactly where I was getting married today? And how were we getting there? And who am I marrying again? You know it's not looking good when even your dreams are flustered.

I don't like turning into a paranoid freak. I don't like reading into every single thought that flings into my head. I don't like questioning myself or Jason, especially when I know things will work out in the end and I'm comfortable with that.

It's just that right now, at this second? I've turned into that person.

And it scares me.

After taping it off one of our cable movie channels a few weeks ago, last night was the first time I got around to watching 'An Inconvenient Truth'. Now I realise that this movie was released a couple of years ago and I semi-consciously listened to all of the talk about it, and listened to the controversy surrounding it. But after watching that movie last night? Damn. We have some serious explaining to do. And I'm left feeling pretty darned ignorant.

I had no idea just how little I knew about the problems going on with our planet. I had no idea that Australia was one of only two developed countries that have not signed the Kyoto Protocol, along with the USA. (Well, gee, I wonder why that would be, it's not as though our politicians have their lips firmly pressed up against a certain other leader's arse or anything.) Heck, I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I had no idea that the problem with global warming was due to a thickening atmosphere; I still assumed we had problems with our atmosphere becoming too thin to withstand the sun's rays. There is so much that I didn't know, and yet I'm responsible for teaching this knowledge to young people? It's pretty humbling, and not something I'm particularly proud of. And I'm just one person. Think of all the people out there who aren't even aware of the urgency.

What I want to know is this: Regardless of any political reasons behind this film's creation, why is it that people aren't taking the problems brought up seriously? Seeing the images of the glaciers disappearing, of the lakes simply drying up, of the Arctic and Antarctic ice shelves just crumbling into nothing; why isn't this striking fear in people? Seeing the scientific evidence, the graphs, the studies that depict the huge increases of pollutants and the huge decreases in natural resources; why aren't we fixing that now? Why are we waiting? Why aren't people seeing this as a problem? Why have we let it get this bad, when the studies have been around for years?

I don't understand why America as a nation, even after the horrifying events that occurred when Hurricane Katrina hit, hasn't made the effort to do something. And I'm definitely not placing blame on one nation only, of course not. We're all involved. I don't understand why Australia as a nation, my own country, the place where I have grown up and I want to raise my children, a land that is completely isolated from the rest of the world and surrounded by water, isn't taking control of things. If the poles continue to crumble and the water temperature continues to rise, if the global water levels increase, crap, Australia is girt by sea. What do they think is going to happen? Are we just meant to magically raise ourselves out of harm's way?

Yes, figuring out ways to solve this problem might cost us money in the short term. I'm not completely stupid, I realise it's not an easy task. Yes, companies might be shut down. Yes, new advances will be needed and this will take time and efforts. Yes, there are risks involved. But surely those risks outweigh the notion of not having a planet to live on at all?

We can all make changes individually, but without the support of the goverments that run our counties, of the businesses who are having the biggest impacts, and most importantly, without the knowledge? We aren't going to get very far. And it's going to be damn scary for those of us who are around in fifty years time, and for our children. I can't even begin to imagine what this planet is going to be like for them. We should all be doing something, anything, now.

If you haven't actually seen the movie for yourself, I really recommend you go and find yourself a copy. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic, because since last night I cannot stop thinking about what I've learned. I have been so caught up in the 'me, me, me' aspect of my future, that I haven't once really stopped to contemplate the idea of what the future might turn out like on a global scale. How can we know all of these things and not be doing something about it?

When it comes to relationships, I would like to think of myself as a pretty mellow girlfriend. I don't think I'm clingy. I don't think I'm obsessive. I think I'm pretty patient. I can watch football with the best of them. I'm all for some alone time, for myself and for my partner. Sure, I have my flaws and insecurities like everyone else, but all in all, I think overall I'm pretty okay.

Take this whole England situation, for example. (A brief summary for any new readers; the plan is that Jason is heading over to the UK in August, and I'll fly over to join him in January of next year.) Yes, I'm apprehensive about it all but when it comes down to it? I'm supportive. I know the reasons behind his leaving so early. I know it's for 'us' in the long run and that I'll join him eventually and that everything happens for a reason.

It's going to be horrible without him here for five-six months. I can't even begin to imagine how weird it will be not being able to see him whenever I feel like it, I can't even comprehend the thought of us being a 'long distance relationship' yet. But as scary as it all is right now and will be in the future, deep down I know that it will all be okay. I understand how things are happening, and I'm comfortable with them.

I'm happy taking a risk, and ultimately doing all of this together.

So . . . the question is this:

Why does the fact that Jason has already recieved his UK working visa in the mail as of today, terrify the bloody pants off me?

[Cue ghost feelings of paranoia, worry and overwhelming loneliness.]

I've spent the last couple of days catching up with friends who I don't see nearly enough, because we're all teachers during the week, and slackers during weekends. It's incredible how it seems like I saw them not that long ago, when in actual fact it was months. My horrid scatterbrained-ness is really getting the better of me.

Today saw us head out to some travel agents to grab some brochures and look around at various trips that are available, as one of the girls is also looking to teach overseas. (Did you know they have doubled the original price of a UK working visa to $520? I nearly fell off my chair in shock. $520!) It was a bit scary sitting in the travel agent, realising that later on this year I'll actually be picking myself up and moving overseas. Bloody scary, but exciting at the same time.

Except now I have one heck of a lot of travel ideas, but nowhere near enough time or money to actually do them! Here are some options;

• England: This is a definite. After some rearranging, Jase and I have decided that we're going to base ourselves there. He will be heading over in August, and I'm going to join him in late December/early January. The plan is for me to find a temporary teaching position and get that ready before I fly over there, so I can start earning pounds fairly quickly with less stress.

• USA: Most of you know by now that I'm well and truly addicted to Contiki tours, and I had planned to do my huge, double tour, 50 day extravaganza early next year. Sadly, looking at tour dates that are available and my financial situation, it's more likely that I will end up doing these in the later half of 2008.

• Europe: Hold me back! Last time I was in Europe, Jase and I did a tour and had an absolute ball. I discovered today whilst reading the brochures, that they've added extra stops to our tour for the same price; Prague, Spain and Eastern Germany! I am so tempted to do the exact same tour all over again, and just explore different places when I can. Squee! There are stacks of options for Europe, heaps of different tours or even opportunities to travel yourself. Must go back.

• Scandanavia: I also found the perfect Eastern European tour! 21 days starting in Denmark, visiting Finland, Sweden, Russia and Germany. It looks amazing, and isn't very expensive either. I definitely have to do this one while I'm overseas.

The downside to all of these great finds? I want to go NOW! [stomps]