Sorry for going quiet folks.. I've spent the last few days playing phone tag with my clinic to try and find out some more information about our new bunch of frosties.

So.. we had 8 embryos frozen at day 4. 4 were compacting morulas, 4 were early blastocysts.

No actual grading, they just had to make a fairly strict criteria for day 4, and all passed. There were no embryos left that they were watching - apparently there was a big divide between what was good/not good. The remaining discarded embryos were all significantly behind (2x 7-cell, 2x 6-cell, 8-cell, 9-cell, 15-cell with severe fragmentation) and wouldn't have caught up, so they were very happy with the 8 they did freeze.

The scientist I spoke to today was also the one who grew out our day 1's last time (who saw me sob hysterically through the transfer of our crappy last one left) and said compared to the embryos he had to work with last time, these looked way better. I'm trying to be positive that maybe future FET's won't have such poor results in the future as they have in the past. New clinic, new embryos, new chances.

Now I just have to wait for a period.. I'm still waiting, 10 days post egg retrieval -- and after that we can start our pill rest cycle.

It's one day past egg retrieval. I feel good.. scratch that - GREAT. This is quite possibly the best recovery I've had since starting IVF back in 2012. I went to bed sore, and woke up pumped. If I walk away with nothing from this new clinic, at least I've had a good run with healing.

I spoke to a doctor today from my new clinic, who understands my frustration with yet another freeze all - they get it, they understand, but they're standing by their decision. Their cut off is 20 follicles, and since I had 19 mature & still some left untouched during the retrieval, the risk is still too high.

So.. what now?

I wait for a period. Then go back on the pill. Then another period. And then another HRT FET cycle. More waiting! This whole thing feels never-ending sometimes. :(

On the bright side? Out of my 19 eggs, we had 15 fertilise overnight.

As most of us know, day 1 doesn't tell us much - and our history has shown we lose a lot between days 1-5. The test will be what survives to Friday to become morulas.. but hopefully we'll have some positive news and a few to freeze then.

Written as part of Microblog Mondays @ Stirrup Queens

So after all the excitement and positivity, we had the shock of our lives at egg retrieval today. We were expecting 6-8 eggs, based on the scan & the blood test results from last week. In the end, we got 19. I honestly don't know how that happened, or where they were hiding, but 19. It was a pretty long egg retrieval.

The bad news? The high egg numbers combined with the size/swelling of my ovaries (and the sheer amount of fluid they retrieved) puts me at risk of OHSS. They also had several follicles that they couldn't aspirate because of the enlarged ovaries, so they had to leave them untouched. As such, they've ordered a freeze all again for this cycle.

Just when we thought we were clear sailing for a fresh transfer... nope. Once again, I spent my recovery time in tears - why do we keep doing this over & over, why do things keep going wrong? This whole thing is so frustrating.

Even through the disappointment, I'm trying to be positive - and focusing on those 19 eggs. Word this afternoon was that they looked okay - so let's hope hubby's swimmers do their part of the bargain, and we have some good fertilisation results tomorrow.

I feel pretty rotten tonight, very sore and bloated, so they may indeed have made the right call on no transfer... but I'm still sad. It means more months of waiting around, more $$ on a frozen cycle, more time spent watching seemingly everyone around me get pregnant while we're stuck in limbo yet again.

I just wish we had a crystal ball that could tell us that there was a positive end in sight.

You guys, we're a-go for egg retrieval!

Tomorrow we have bloods & a follicle scan to see how this cycle is going. To say I am petrified is an understatement.

IVF #3 was an antagonist cycle, which was converted to a freeze all because my progesterone hit 5.3 after 11 days of stims.
IVF #4 was also an antagonist cycle, which was converted to a freeze all because my progesterone hit 6.3 after 11 days of stims.

This cycle is NOT an antagonist cycle - it's a long down-reg cycle. I'm really hoping that it can keep my progesterone under control {please work, Lucrin} but I'm scared that my body is broken.

My first two IVF cycles (also down-reg) produced smaller egg numbers, but lower progesterone. I'm hoping this is the case again for us this cycle. I'd take quality over quantity ANY day - especially because all we're aiming for is a fresh transfer.

I'm starting to feel a bit uncomfortable already, which makes me happy/worried at the same time. Happy because the Puregon might be working, but petrified that the movement from the follicles will also trigger a progesterone surge, and that might lead to us being cancelled again. :(

To some folks, a freeze all isn't the end of the world - but we've been told by two different fertility specialists that frozen cycles aren't great for us. Add in the extra waiting around between cycles, as well as the additional costs of a frozen cycle in a few months time, and really.. it's the worst case scenario in our eyes. Surely we can't be that unlucky three times running!

Please universe, just let us have a beautiful embryo and a smooth, fresh transfer this time around.

First things first though... we'll see what tomorrow's scan shows us.

This cycle feels like it's taking FOREVER.

I forgot how drawn out the down-reg protocol is. First the pill; and this time, my script was for a different brand of BCP. I basically spotted every day of my pill, and it was awful - I won't be using that one again.

Then comes the Lucrin, which is where I'm at now. It still blows my mind that this tiny little bottle which is only a quarter full of liquid, has enough in it to last an entire cycle. I have no real side effects from Lucrin {luckily} so this part of the injection process just feels like any other day. It gets more real when we add the Puregon stims on top of it, but we're still a good few days away from that yet.

It blows my mind that as a kid I was terrified of needles - and now here I am, willingly paying thousands of dollars a pop to stab myself on a daily basis & have enough blood drawn to last a lifetime. The things we do for family, huh?