We were pretty giddy with excitement this morning on our way to the new clinic. Nervous, yes, but excited. We hadn't heard anything - and were hoping that would mean we'd have a good embryo to transfer. That wasn't to be.

In all of our IVF cycles, I've never sobbed my way through an embryo transfer before. Today was a first.

All of our embryos died, bar two. Both of those two were behind. They transferred the better looking of the two (still a morula, not even a blastocyst yet) and the other one we found out this afternoon was unsuitable to freeze, so that was binned. Out of 8 embryos, we didn't get a single good one.

This was our pity transfer. It's not even ROUND for pete's sake - I've never seen such a sad looking embryo. I'm supposed to have a blood test on my birthday in 11 days. I can't think of anything worse than getting a BFN, just as I age another year with no baby in my belly.

I don't blame my new clinic. They did everything they could - at the end of the day, these weren't their embryos. They weren't frozen the way they would have done, they weren't grown out at the optimal time, and they were from a cycle that was frozen due to crazy hormones. But I honestly thought we would get at least one nice looking embryo; surely one wasn't too much to ask for?

It's like being kicked in the guts, all over again. And worse, having nothing left over means planning for another stim cycle, emotionally & financially. I just want a baby; I want off this rollercoaster.

I knew the minute my phone rang that it was bad news. No news is good news with my clinic... a phone call is the opposite.

The embryologists thawed my remaining five embryos on Thursday. Two died during the thaw. The remaining three embryos that survived, were left & checked this morning at day 3. Two showed very little development and were only 2-cell. One embryo was on par, so they decided to transfer that one early. The scientist said that if only one embryo looks good and is all that's left, there's no point in growing out to blastocyst stage - that it's better off back in my uterus, where it'll grow if it's good enough.

So with about an hour's notice this morning, we went in for a 3 day transfer. It was a pretty smooth transfer process.

Day 3 8-cell on the left, Day 3 VERY behind 2-cell on the right. Both transferred.

We are PUPO now... pregnant until proven otherwise. A day 3 transfer wasn't what we were hoping for; I don't have a lot of faith in them, but the good embryo looked pretty & they were confident with it. They also put back one of the slower embryos, but that was only because it had next to no hope of going anywhere. We'll just consider it to be there for moral support, I guess.

I can't believe our luck. It's gone from one bad thing to the next, and I am getting to the point now where I quite honestly don't even know what we've done to be so unlucky.

Today's transfer means that out of 13 eggs retrieved, out of 8 mature and fertilised embryos, we didn't even get a single good blastocyst. 2 embryos {3 if you count the slow one, which I don't} out of 8 made it to a transfer. Not the greatest results from an IVF cycle. We had better success with our first few cycles, pre-Georgia.

Driving to the clinic today, all I could think about is how unfair this whole thing is. Babies that aren't wanted, pregnancies that aren't wanted, good people missing out on getting the chance to bring a child/children home to their family. Why it's so easy for some people to get pregnant, why some people will never know the grief that infertility brings to others. Why us? It was a bit of a pity party for two.

The universe is all kinds of fucked up, that's for sure. All I know is that we're not done fighting yet.

We'll battle on... because the pain of giving up completely is WAY worse than the pain of infertility treatments.