It’s the end of an era. There will be no more babies in this household. 

Well.. time got away from me as per usual. We're already in the home stretch!

Baby girl is plugging away in there, being cute and stubborn and bang on average - and I'm feeling surprisingly good! :)

Life is hectic without a lot of rest, but I figured the tiredness I was suffering from was just a result of standard pregnancy stuff - plus the added bonus of chasing the girls around and running everyone to appointments, etc. Turns out my iron levels have tanked and I need to get an infusion done next week. Apparently you feel better a little while afterwards, so I'm curious to see how it affects my energy levels!

We are just a few months away from meeting this little girl and I'm SUPER excited. This time with the girls we already had their nurseries done, and we were pretty organised. This time... well, we're taking it a bit easier - but I'm not wishing the time away. Knowing this is our last pregnancy, I'm trying to savour each kick and wiggle and bump, because I know how much I'll miss it when it's gone. I do love a pregnant belly!

Ah, that point in pregnancy that feels like it took forever to get to - and still that the end result is so far away! 20 weeks and baby is doing well. Our anatomy scan went well last week and everything appears normal. We are measuring bang on for dates and she is wiggling away, even though my anterior placenta means I'm not feeling a great deal. What I DO get is lovely though.

I may be biased, but damn, this kid is a cutie already. Today's ultrasound saw her sucking her thumb and everything - you forget just how much they do even when they're tiny in your belly. How lucky are we?

Whoops! I spring that big news on the blog and then I disappear on you again... baby brain in full force, as per usual. Though if I'm honest, it never really went away - and my big baby is 6 now. (OMG.)

Yes, I just said 6. It feels like just yesterday we were childless and in the throes of infertility and now here we are, with a 6 year old and an almost-3 year old. What a ride! Our current belly-baby is also a little girl - and we're due at the beginning of January. I have my bets that it'll end up being a December bub, though we'll have to wait and see how that pans out.

It was a bit of a process to decide whether to go back for a third baby. I had spent the last year working on my health and fitness, and with the help of a gastric sleeve, lost 45 kilograms, getting to the lightest weight I've ever been in my adult life! We also had the 6 frozen embryos sitting on ice from Claire's cycle, so constantly paying storage fees brought up the subject of 'what to do?' every six months or so.

In the end, we came to an agreement. We would use our frozen embryos up, but we wouldn't be doing any more fresh IVF cycles. If they worked, great. If they didn't, well, we have the girls, and we figured it was a sign that we were done.

We didn't tell anyone we were going back to try again - the pressure was on, and honestly... we were just dealing with it in our own way this time. Since these cycles were our last chances, so we kept it quiet and went ahead with preparing for a FET. I went on a HRT cycle similar to last time, with progesterone supplements and regular bloods. We transferred a little embryo on Easter Monday, one of our 4-day embryos that was thawed and grown out into a Blastocyst over night before the transfer. It was a lovely little thing, and the FS and Scientist both looked happy with it. All we could do was wait.

As usual, I couldn't wait and was peeing on sticks a few days later, watching a line incredulously appear. First transfer round this time - is this even possible? It was a rocky few days of low numbers (as per usual in the Jag household... I guess someone has to be at the bottom end of the bell curve for hcg levels?) but all looked to be rising. Then the bleeding started. And when I say bleeding, I mean haemorrhaging. I thought it was over on multiple occasions - clots, gushes, days of bleeds. I was diagnosed with a SCH and told it was 50/50, but lo and behold, baby kept growing, its heart started beating, and we held on.

Our NIPT at 11 weeks came back low risk, and that's how we discovered that we were having a third little lady baby - crazy! Once again, I thought it was a boy - wrong 3/3 times! I'm currently 18 weeks along and we have our Morphology scan next week, which I'm a little anxious about - just praying for a nice healthy and happy baby in there.

And that, friends, is where we're at. Welcome back to the crazy ride!!

Another week has begun, although my little tadpole is measuring a few days behind from the last scan.

The other day, I was worried because of the amount of cramping and what-not, that something was wrong with the pregnancy. Now, my cramps have gone away and I'm mostly symptom-free... and I'm worried again.

Honestly, you can't win!

I'm tired, I have sort-of sore boobs, and I'm hungry a lot. That's about the extent of it. Worry? Not worry? Who knows! Let's eat a cupcake! #emotions

There's still a baby in there! And it's GROWING!

(SQUEE!)

I really need to document more of this pregnancy, while it's in its early stages. The past couple of days, I have had a little bit of reassurance going back and reading my blog from G's pregnancy. It feels like so long ago now that I've forgotten all the little things, even though family & friends have reminded me that I had similar worries back then.

These were my symptoms from Week 6: I'm tired, all the time. Some cramping started up in the past few days, strong enough to scare me a little, but so far all seems okay. Things are a little 'interesting' in a digestive sense, but no vomiting, only teeny amounts of queasiness, usually around midday or if I haven't eaten. My boobs still feel exactly the same.

Well, today I'm 6 and 1/2 weeks pregnant, and I feel JUST like that. Cramps, enough to freak me out and make me go sit down, they started up yesterday and are still going strong today. Still no sickness except for the odd waves of nausea. Weird tummy stuff. And normal-ish boobs, unless I mash them to check if they're sore or not yet. The usual!

Hubby is going to come with me on Friday, as I think I need the moral support. I'm so glad that I'm able to have weekly scans at this point, but I'm also petrified that something sinister might have happened since last week - could baby's heartbeat have stopped, could growth be too slow, yada yada yada. I hope I'm wrong, but I don't want to be myself for this appointment.

Breathing, gently.

So I was doing okay, the spotting from a few days ago had stopped, I was taking it easy... and I was feeling fine. Until yesterday.

I felt dizzy, and stood up from the lounge to refill my water bottle... and I bled. Like, a gush, that sent me running to the bathroom. Bright red, a few clots, and I felt sick as a dog.

PANIC STATIONS.

So, it was after 5pm, and my clinic & OB office closed - so I rang the after hours mobile, who told me to watch the bleeding and they'd try and organise a scan for me the next day. Not long after that, I bled again.

Since I was feeling so woozy, I decided to head to the hospital. I knew in my heart that there wasn't really anything they could do... but at the very least, they could run some tests and see if my hcg had dropped, or see if this miscarriage had already started/was imminent.

They took bloods and gave me fluids, because my BP had dropped a bit and I was dehydrated. Then it was a long time to wait for the results, and for a sonographer to come in and do a scan for me.

Hubby and I were sure it was over.

They wheeled me down for an ultrasound, and she looked through my belly first - just a blurry sac could be seen. Then, we tried dildo cam - and she could see a sac and a yolk sac, perfectly round. That was about it, and she said for being so early (5w5d) that wasn't unusual. Then she went quiet, and announced she thought she had found the baby - and she had! It was pressed right up against the wall of the uterus, and barely 2mm long. And, get this, she found a heart beat! Only 94bpm, but at that gestation, I can't believe she even found that!

After yesterday's beta that showed a drop in progesterone, I woke up this morning spotting.

Trying not to panic but OH MY GOD I AM PANICKING.

Clinic says it's likely progesterone irritation since I'm on such a hefty dose - haven't heard back from my OB yet, but man... I really didn't need this right now.

Hang in there, Olaf.

Please talk me off the ledge that my progesterone has dropped from 38 to 28 and my hcg numbers are slowing down?

No more blood tests.. but I did another digital test yesterday and hit the holy grail of pee sticks. I can't remember what the average hcg was to reach the 3+ mark, but whatever it is, it's made me very happy! :)

I have my beta numbers from earlier this morning:

12dpo hcg - 28, progesterone 15
17dpo hcg - 286, progesterone 30.4
20dpo hcg - 1092, progesterone 38

We are still pregnant! Again, at least for today. But that's as far ahead as I can get.. one day at a time.

Waiting for beta results is just plain torture.

That is all.

Am a nervous, anxious, petrified wreck.

Knock me over with a feather, folks. It appears that - as of today - we are pregnant!

12dpo hcg - 28, progesterone 15
17dpo hcg - 286, progesterone 30.4

The test will be in the doubling, of course - so we'll likely go back on Friday for follow up bloodwork. Breathe, just breathe.