I've spent the last few days in a bit of a blur, thinking and over-thinking what's to come in the next few months. It's all baby-centred, of course - but that's to be expected, since we've started our first ever IVF cycle. Let me back track a little and explain how that meeting went down.
On Thursday, we took the day off work to attend our nursing interview and program orientation at the fertility centre. It's located in a public hospital {with notoriously bad parking!} so we went a little early to suss the place out and find a good spot to park. Thankfully we found a paid parking area that wasn't completely full, so off we wandered to try and find the clinic. That's when we proceeded to get completely lost, end up walking through staff offices, and see me end up <-----> this close from having a meltdown on the spot. We eventually found it, but not before walking through the Women's Health Clinic, aka preggo city, and ending up drenched in sweat.
Our nurse was lovely. She took my height and weight measurements, gave me a swipecard for identification in the future, and sat down with us for a good hour, going over our long cycle. Looking at our history, she said she felt confident that IVF without ICSI would do the trick, though that could be revisited in the future if we don't achieve any successful pregnancies. The clinic we're using is public & not-for-profit, so they can only place so many couples on the program at each time, and we were SO lucky to get on immediately. I suppose the fluke of being CD1 at our appointment paid off!
The protocol for us is in the mail, so we should know more about the specifics in the coming weeks. I'll be sure to share that with you, later.
I'm trying so hard to stay positive about this whole experience, I am. At the same time, I'm trying to protect my heart and my confidence, and be realistic in the fact that it might not work for us. We might need to revisit this process several times, and it's going to take time. Everyone seems to have a story about IVF, about friends falling pregnant on the first time, about the likelihood of carrying twins, about this, about that. That's all well and good {and is mostly well meaning} but I need to focus on me and J. Our journey might go smoothly, or it might not.
So while things are exciting and new, and will hopefully bring about good things in the future.. I'm still grieving. I'm grieving the loss of the baby that we might have conceived the natural way. I'm grieving the loss of a surprising, unexpected positive result on a pregnancy test. I'm grieving each time I hear an announcement of a pregnancy, or a baby arriving, from friends, family members, internet strangers.
But this is not meant to be a post all about sadness and loss. It's a hopeful one. It's knowing that we are on the path that we're meant to be on. As much as I complain about waiting, about having nothing to update, and about this whole process, just know this: I feel so grateful, too. I'm grateful that we can afford to make sacrifices financially, to make this happen. I'm grateful that our families support us, no matter what happens. And I'm grateful to have my husband, who truly is my other half.
Our chance to become parents in 2012 is over. But maybe, just maybe, 2013 will be our year.
Whoops!
All of a sudden, it's March - and I've been a neglectful little blogger, haven't I? In truth, there's really not all that much actually happening.
TTC has taken over my brain, and we're waiting around for our IVF appointment next week. The waiting, waiting, waiting is so hard. I hate this part. You try so hard to live your life and not let it be the sole focus - but when it's all you want, how do you do that?
Work is work. My Year 1 class are tough little nuggets, let me tell you.
The house has been wonderful - on the inside. Sydney weather has been so completely rotten - we've had rain constantly this year. That means that our driveway? Still isn't finished. Landscaping? Nope. That means we're living in a lovely house... that is surrounded by muddy, clay puddles. It's awful. I know it'll happen eventually, but it's a mess right now.
Speaking of the house, we've been so unlucky - we have been cursed to move next door to an asshole. He's been difficult for months on end now, even before we had built the house. He was rude to the builders, he parked his old, oil-leaking car in our space, and his evil wife even rang our site supervisor, screaming her head off... and pretending to be me. (Seriously - I've never been impersonated before. I'm torn between feeling flattered & incredibly stabby.)
Well, they've laid turf over our property line & are refusing to accept that. We've sent them survey copies, we've sent them the plans that prove the line, and they're having nothing to do with it. Jase went to serve them a notice of intent to remove the turf - they threw the written letter back at him and slammed the door in his face. He put the letter in their postbox & emailed it to them as well - and we found the soggy envelope thrown in a puddle on our front lawn today. Say it with me now... assholes.
Thing is, we try hard to be good neighbours. The one on our other side are fantastic - we've had a couple of wine and cheese nights with them, they've cut our hair (a hairdresser next door=fabulous) and we've cat-sit for them. We're nice people. We do the right thing. It just sucks when people take advantage of that. Well, no more trying anymore. Hopefully we'll solve this whole thing soon, so we don't have to have anything to do with them again. And we certainly won't be offering to loan them any sugar, should they ever need it.
Now... what's been happening with YOU lately?
P.S. I have two adorable kitties. Just saying.
Have you ever had a day where one song seemed to be surrounding you, constantly?
Today at work, there was a toy lion sitting in the 'for sale' book box - when you pressed him, he sang and danced to the tune of 'Don't Worry, Be Happy'. Every time someone walked into the staffroom, they pressed his button and off he went. It became a running joke of the day and everyone commented on how fitting the song was; especially when you're a stressed out, underpaid teacher.
I left work early today to head to our fertility specialist for a follow up appointment, with that song lyric still floating around in my head. We went through our test results, and were asked for our decision: what did we want to do next? The verdict was pretty easy, and one that Jase and I had already agreed on.
We're going to be doing IVF!
When we'll start will all depend on when my next cycle begins (if I've had no O signs by next week, I'm to start taking progesterone again and induce a period) - but if all goes well, by mid March we should be starting our first cycle. It's weird, I've already got my script of birth control pills ready to use, come CD1. Really - birth control pills? After TTC for all this time? Strange. I'll be on those for a few weeks, then taking Synarel (a nasal spray in place of Lucrin injections - free vs $200, easy choice to make!), and then the injectibles. And, since it takes so long to get started the first time around, our random three-day trip to Thailand in April won't affect anything. (Oh, did I mention that we are going to Phuket?)
Next on the agenda is setting up a nurses appointment at the fertility clinic, where they'll go through the entire ordeal with us in greater detail with us and where we have to pay up-front for the first cycle. The payment part? Not so fun. But honestly, I just can't wait to get this party started.
So after our appointment, I had to go and have one quick follow-up blood test downstairs in the pathology lab. Care to take a guess what song was playing on the radio there? Yep. 'Don't Worry, Be Happy'. Spooky, eh? And I'm not even done yet. In the car on the way home? SERIOUSLY? Uh-huh.
I guess that's our motto for this next phase of our TTC journey. :)
*Cross posted from my TTC blog - Operation: Baby*
- We've been in our new house for almost a month now, and it's still only half-done. The rain around here has been constant, we've got half a driveway done, a whole lot of mud puddles in the front and backyard, and a big old mess upstairs. I love it here, but I'm tired, oh-so-tired.
- My class of Year 1/2 students got so big that the school reshuffled the classes, so we could have smaller class sizes. As such, I'm now a regular old Year 1 teacher - and loving it! Except that I'm tired, oh-so-tired.
- I ovulated last month, for the first time in many, many moons. The two week wait is almost over, but I'm not holding out much hope. {You can read more here.} All I know is that this whole process is making me tired, oh-so-tired.
Somehow the holidays are over, already.
It feels as though I literally JUST packed up my classroom ready for the Christmas holiday break. Suddenly, it's back to work tomorrow - ready for a whole new class, a whole new year, a whole new set of challenges.
This year, my class is going from 23 students to 29. That may not sound like much, but it's a huge increase when you're talking about the ability to work with each child 1:1. I'm kind of bummed about it, but it's out of my hands. All we can do is cross our fingers and hope for some new enrolments that will bring our numbers back up to where they need to be. It bugs me though, seeing as the government is constantly pushing for us to have smaller class sizes - yet they're being difficult and refusing to pay the school the funding to employ another teacher. Politics + education = disaster.
It's back to planning and programming. It's back to early mornings and late nights. It's back to new parents, new kiddies, new responsibilities. Here's hoping 2012 is a great year!
I've come to the conclusion that it's REALLY hard to take decent photographs of our home. One of the perks of our home design was that it came with dozens of large windows, perfect for natural light - not so much for quick snapshots taken on my phone!
Now... how about a virtual tour?
We'll start with downstairs, since that was all I got around to cleaning today.
As you walk in the front door, the formal living room is off to your right hand side. It's mostly empty for now, save a few moving boxes. There are two square windows in the room, as well as the regular windows, and we'll eventually be placing a lounge underneath them. It's on order, and due to arrive in March. Can't wait!
In the meantime, we have a gorgeous glass and timber dining table set up. I'm loving the mirror that we found, too.
As you walk through the hallway, the internal garage entrance door is off to the left, while the laundry, linen cupboard and downstairs bathroom is off to the right. I love how our colour scheme in the powder room turned out - which is good, since we opted to do all of the bathrooms in a similar pattern.
So... got any decorating tips for me?
Why, hello there... from our new house!
We moved in on Thursday - and it's starting to feel a little more like home and a little less like 'the new house'.
There's still loads to do. Blinds are being installed this week, the cable television is being put in, and if we're lucky and the weather is good, the driveway should be laid on Thursday. And let's not even talk about the unpacking, or the cleaning, or the organising. I'm slightly {completely?} obsessive-compulsive about how I want things to be, so it's probably taking me a little longer than it would a regular person... but I hope it'll be worth it in the end.
Oscar and Evie are loving the new place just as much as Jase and I do. They've gotten really comfortable, really quickly - and they've already scoped out their new favourite places. Oscar is up and down the stairs constantly, which we're hoping will help him loose his gigantic pooch belly. Evie is getting bigger every day, and is such a snuggler. The last few nights have seen all four of us relaxing in our new living room - Oscar and Jase on one sofa, Evie and I on the other. It's lovely.
I don't have too many pictures just yet, but I promise once the house doesn't resemble a pig-sty, I'll get a whole batch up here for you. In the meantime - how about a sneak peak? It's not the greatest one, with all the sun glare and what-not, but it's cozy all the same.
This time next week, we'll be in our new house.
Say... what?
I am counting down the days until Thursday. I'm so tired of running back and forth between our apartment and the house, but that's going to be my life for the next 6 days while Jase is working. We have appointments and deliveries and tradesmen coming in to the house daily, so I need to be there to let them in and to be there if they need me.
We thought we'd get lucky and not have to worry about a real estate inspection before we move out, but we spoke too soon - there's an open home on the apartment tomorrow. So, instead of just relaxing and packing at our leisure, I've spent today cleaning like a fiend and removing every trace of cat fur in the place. (Yes, our two kitties are living here illegally. But only for SIX MORE DAYS.)
The flooring is looking really good - timber downstairs, on the staircase & in the upstairs living room. The carpet is already completed in the four bedrooms and looks great too.
I'm so, so relieved that this is going to be our final big move for a long while. I've packed and unpacked and moved about way too much for my liking in the last three years! :) I don't have a lot of pictures uploaded at the moment, but I promise I'll take more once the new furniture and appliances are in later this week. For now, here's a sneak peek of the floorboards.
Goodbye to 2011, which:
... was one pretty busy year!
... will stay in my heart always as the year I married my soul-mate. I'm so happy!
... saw us begin building our brand new home. Stressful, but exhilarating at the same time.
... somehow had me fall into a teaching position where I've never felt quite so at home. So thrilled to be back there again this next year.
... let me get back into a 'bff' routine, seeing my favourite person on a weekly basis. Huzzah!
... saw us adopt Evie and add her to our family of four. Oscar continues to be such a sweet boy.
... brought about some fertility struggles for J & I and just a little sadness in that respect.
But now, it's a brand new year. Hello to 2012, which:
... is going to be the year of the house. I can't wait to get moved in {12 days!} and start making it our own - our house. I can't believe we're almost there
... is going to be about perseverance. I need to keep on working towards the things that I want, without letting myself get dejected and throw in the towel
... is all about baby steps. I'm keeping it simple: eat well, move more
... is going to see us get more aggressive on the baby front. We've tried things out for this past year, the unmonitored cycles aren't resulting in ovulation & I am going to be on the look-out for a new RE in the coming months
... is going to be about saving vs. spending money. Unless, of course, it's house related - in which it doesn't count
... is going to be a cracker of a year. I can feel it in my bones!
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