This quote speaks volumes to me right now:
"In the weeks after our loss, I couldn't help but wonder why and how our society has set up a situation where so many women are suffering through these experiences alone. We are encouraged not to tell people we are pregnant until 12 weeks, but then 80% of miscarriages happen before 12 weeks. So we face this incredibly life-altering experience in solitude. We wander around our "everyday" lives with a broken heart that no one else is aware of."
And that, is why I'm so grateful to have our little community. Thank you for letting me speak about our pregnancy, to grieve our loss, and to help us learn to put ourselves back together - or to crumble, if we need it.
I'm a bundle of emotions. I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm bitter and I'm frustrated. I'm terrified of feeling this way - I'm scared this is it, that we won't add to our family again, that future IVF won't work and we'll be done. I'm frightened of what the genetic testing will say from our little baby, whether it'll be an embryo issue, or whether it'll be ME. I'm upset that in my grief, I'm letting people down - my family, my husband, my daughter.
My mum got me out of the house today. We went for a walk and a cafe lunch with Georgia. She knows I'm struggling, and I appreciate her trying to help. I just can't help but feel so alone, even when I know I'm not. I wouldn't wish this on anyone; I never expected to feel this way. My heart goes out to my friends who have experienced losses that I simply could never have anticipated at the time - the sadness just doesn't seem like enough.
I just wish the cramping and bleeding would stop.