This Week

It's been an okay week, around here. Some highs, some lows.

First up - YES! Georgia has started taking steps. She isn't walking, but she's making good attempts at balancing and lurching off across the room. I'm so, so proud of her. I hope she continues being brave, my big girl!
We had a follow up appointment with the OB on Monday. He did a scan, and my uterus is empty, and he's happy with my levels coming down on pregnancy tests. Still a tiny squinter there, so hopefully not too much longer before they're back at 0. He said that it takes an average of 3-4 weeks for them to level out. 
So far, we don't have a lot of answers. My blood tests {taken the morning we found out, in preparation for the NT scan} all came back fine, immunities, iron, etc. All of the testing levels were low, indicating a possible problem with the pregnancy, even if it hadn't ended already. My AMH was low, as was my free bHCG and my papp-A. With Georgia, they were 0.54 & 0.18 respectively; low enough to give us a high risk rating. This baby was 0.25 & 0.09. With those results, the OB is fairly sure that it indicates a chromosomal problem with the embryo - though we have to wait for the full genetic testing to come back in a few more weeks to confirm.
I don't know what I'm supposed to hope for. Part of me wants a reason for our loss; a genetic problem that was out of our control, but then I feel so guilty to our little one. If the results come back totally normal, I'll have to be content with just not knowing what went wrong - was it me? Did I do something that inadvertently caused the baby's heartbeat to stop? And if it DOES come back as a genetic issue, does that mean our last frozen embryo is already doomed? Too many questions for my liking.
Either way, we are now in post-miscarriage limbo: waiting for a period. I'm glad the physical healing is done.
Pros:
  • Hot bath! Hot, hot soak in the tub. Heavenly.
  • Back to normal life, whatever that is.
  • The all clear for exercising.. I've run three times this week, 15km. Not bad for a first week back.
Cons:
  • I miss my baby. So, so much.


3 Comments • Labels: , ,  

3 comments:

JB said...

keeping you in my thoughts. Whatever answers you get, there will still be questions. I just hope you are able to find some peace soon.

Kato Potato said...

Thinking of you often these days and wishing I had answers for all these unknowns. Just remember that you have always done everything you can as a mother, but it's not all up to you why it didn't work out. <3

Janet said...

Hey sweetie. I've been reading but not commenting as much as I want.

I understand what you mean...what is a "good" reason for losing a baby? There is no good reason. However, I don't think your frozen embie is doomed (I didn't know you had another frozen, but that's actually very good, right?) After all, look at how sweet and perfect Georgia is.

This babymaking thing can be very cruel. But keep on keeping on...sending hugs in the meantime. xoxo





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