Both Sides Now

I've been an infertile for quite a few Mother's Day milestones now. It never gets any easier. You never forget.

I've been on both sides now. Desperate sadness, and the devastating longing for a little one to call my own. Utter joy, when I spent my first Mother's Day as an actual mum myself. Since then, the emotions sway back and forth. I'm so proud and grateful to be Georgia's mummy, but I'm missing my two angels & grieving the 'should have beens' as I sit here with an empty womb. It's tough when your mood swaps from celebratory to sad in a matter of minutes.

This Mother's Day, I'm going to soak up the love I have for my daughter, breathe in the scent of her sweet toddler hair, feel my heart soar when she plants a smooch right on my lips and says 'miss you, mama'. I'm going to do artwork with her, capture her 2-year old handprints in paint, and feel so lucky that I get to keep her, that she's mine, she's ours. But I'm also going to remember those two other little ones who were also mine, even just for a short time. They were our babies too.

My heart aches for my lost ones, and for the women I know (and I don't know) who are Mothers with children in their heart and soul, but not in their arms.

I'm remembering for you, and for us, today.

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