A Self Portrait: Kidlet Style.

When it's raining at school, the kidlets are kept inside for recess and lunch breaks - leaving them with little else to do than play games and act like lunatics draw. This morning, I was given a gift by one of my kidlets. Turns out that he had found some paper with a "Draw your teacher" box, followed the instructions and had created a sketch which he wanted me to have. Looking back, I should have been nervous, since it was about this time that he and his friends burst into fits of giggles.

This is why: [You'll need to click to enlarge, it'll take you to Flickr.]

Evil.

Apparently, I'm not 23. I'm really a scary looking seventy year old woman. Or a pointy nosed witch. With Harry Potter spectacles. (In my defense, my lasered eyeballs are glasses free and just fine. Those were my sunglasses perched on top of my head.)

My eyebrows appear rather terrifying, and despite what it looks like, I promise I wasn't smoking in my classroom. The man hands though, those are real. Can't argue with that. Bloody genetics.


Also note the bulging arm muscles, lopsided bosom and veiny neck. The growth on my elbow is a wee bit scary. Kid's got an eye for detail.

I was suitably distressed after checking the portrait out, but did a good job of masking my horror with a "Wow, great job!" A few minutes later, I realised I was still holding the picture in my hand with a death grip, so decided to take it further. I asked him if he thought I really looked like this, to which he snickered and mentioned something about being far away, bad lighting and not being able to get a good look. (Who knew I was raising precious little artists in my classroom?)

He asked if he could re-draw the portrait, and I told him that if it was raining that afternoon, we could stay inside and do some creative drawing. Lo and behold, it was pouring - time for drawing. (I'm a poet and I didn't even know it.) The kidlets were happy enough doing this, so I set them all the challenge of drawing other people as portrait shots. A few others jumped on the bandwagon as well.

Here are the results of my rainy afternoon of sketching with the kidlets. I'm going to put my commentary for each picture in a random order first, and it's up to you to match it to the appropriate picture. I'm sure you'll figure it out!

1. Cartoon-style, big cleavaged, vampire-fanged Aly.


2. Aly on profile, with elvish ears, a receding hairline, one heck of a raised eyebrow, hypnotic eyeballs, and a little man dangling from her keychain. (Look!)


3. Slightly sunburned, double jointed and lopsided caricature of Aly.

4. Aly the tart, with a red pout, an excessive amount of blush, a watch halfway up her arm, PEARLS, and a skanky nightgown with one shoulder strap suggestively falling down. (Try not to be distracted by the floating bubbles with my surname floating around my head. This is ART, folks.)

5. Terrifying, devoid of soul, wrinkly & nekkid looking Aly.

6. Scary, tribal-masked, voodoo Aly hanging on a washing line.

Creepy

Voodoo


Caricature



Caricature 2



Pensive



Tart


26 Comments • Labels: ,  

26 comments:

~Kathryn~ said...

don't let her fool you - she always goes to school in strappy red evening dresses !!!!!

LaLa said...

Brilliant!

God, I would hate to see mine...

The Lisa Show said...

Oh my goodness. Hahahaha. TOO FUNNY! Alyndabear the tart is killing me!!!

Amanda said...

hahaha how funny.

How old are these kids?

Kat said...

The things you have to put up with as a teacher huh? Funny though. The first kid seems somewhat inspired by the odd cubistic artist :)

Diana said...

Hahahaaha, you smoke in class, your wear your nightgown to class and you scare the kids!
I hope for you your new employee in England will not read this posts, while deciding to hire you....

MMDesigns said...

Oh, hee hee hee! Those are excellent drawings! Well done, kidlets! I love it when kids draw pictures of you (or me!) - fantastic! :)

Heather (in Scotland) said...

Great set of pictures!

Katie said...

Those are darling! Ha! I love the one with the red dress and the pigtails!

grungedandy said...

Hey have you seen David Hockneys portraits or Picasso or even Francis Bacon’s not at all flattering and I think you’re chewing your nails in the first portrait. You never know if you’ve got another famous artist on your hands and that little sketch could be worth something later LoL! Seeya hugya *G*

Katie said...

Haha, I remember doing this for my sort of plump grade 3 teacher - I wrote "she's not skinny".

Ahh, the innocence of kids. :P

Those pics are quite good!

Viviane said...

Haha, I don't think that portrait is bad at all!

Meg said...

My favourite is definitely "the tart"! Kid's got a nice use of colour.

Operation Pink Herring said...

I simply must have that watch arm bracelet!

Tali said...

Wow ... just, wow :)

Stephanie said...

Those are so cute /funny. I am quite impressed by some. And you can totally tell that a little girl drew you as a tart.

Lara said...

TOO cute. I love them all!

natalie said...

I really like all of them, but that first one- while it doesn't look much like you- suggests that the kidlet has quite a talent for drawing. How old are your kidlets?

michelle said...

wow some of your kidlets are pretty talented, even if the drawings don't exactly LOOK like you. lol :)

Jen said...

Just wait til the kids bring those home to their parents. They'll be wondering what sort of person they leave their little darlings in the care of each day.

Zandria said...

Those are great! And such a striking resemblance to you, too... :)

Kristie said...

That is too cute! My son drew me once and made me really really short compared to the picture of himself. Apparently I'm a midget.

Laurel said...

I think the red dress one is kind of right on! You look hotttt!

Spunk said...

I think I love the Tart and Voodoo ones that best. Real nice..haha.

Jan said...

You just have to love kids and how they think. The self portraits are great!!!

art classes said...

when i first saw this i thought "troll", lol.

keep hitting the gym, those arms and veins in the neck are starting to look really intimidating!





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