8 weeks + 5 days

So, here we are.. midway through week 8 and still frightened that things could go wrong at any moment. Baby measured a day or two behind again this week, so I'm not sure where I actually fall date-wise, but I'm just going full speed ahead that our dates are mid-October and leaving it at that.

The pattern with this pregnancy seems to go as follows:

  • Have a few good days and start believing that things might be fine
  • Start spotting and get worried
  • Have an epic bleed & assume the worst is over
  • Surprisingly find out baby is okay and go back to hoping
  • Rinse & repeat
I'm currently at the spotting part of the cycle again, which means I'm anticipating another bleed in the next few days. 
I see the OB tomorrow.. so I really, really hope this bleed doesn't happen over the weekend again, as there's nothing that can be done if that happens.
I wish I could be more positive - every time we've seen the baby on ultrasound, it's growing and there isn't anything huge to be concerned about. But it's just so hard when the spotting and cramping feels like the worst is happening. That feeling of dread and terror is so, so real. 
Ah, we just want this wee one so badly. I will put up with all the fear and the pain and the unknown; I'd do it all again in a heartbeat - but I just want to bring them home safely and into our family. Everything will be worth it.

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Jesa said...

<3 I hate that you have to keep going through this, I wish you could just have a smooth pregnancy without all of the fear. :( <3 <3

Kato Potato said...

Ah, is there any kind of meditation or meditative thinking you could work on to try and get in a more positive mindset? I can only imagine how stressful it is with all these ups and downs, how scary that is, but I worry what the stress is doing to Olaf. I hope you can take it easy over the weekend and try and curb any bleed. So hard when G is getting so big!

Fingers crossed there is NO big bleed and that this bleeding nonsense stops. It must!!

Anonymous said...

Hoping for the bleeding to stop completely and things to go smoothly from here. I had a subchorionic hematoma/hemorrhage and a similar cycle of huge bleeds followed by spotting followed by more bleeding and it is horrible, horrible, horrible. I'm sorry you're stuck in this and hope it clears up.

Non Sequitur Chica said...

Not knowing what is going on is so tough. I'm sorry that you are having the same repeating cycle of spotting then a big bleed, but the good news is that Olaf is staying strong. I know knowledge of that doesn't help when you are going through a big bleed though. Sending you lots of hugs and an end to all of the bleeding.

Feisty Harriet said...



Jess said...

I am so, so hopeful that this will be your take-home baby, but I am so sorry that you're having all this spotting and bleeding. It just seems unfair after everything else you've been through, to add this much stress to the pregnancy. Xo.

doahleigh said...

It's so strange that you have this repetitive cycle, and yet nobody knows what it's about. You're right that it'll all be worth it if this little one comes home with you someday, but it's so unfair that you have to go through it at all. I'm sorry, but I'm so hopeful!

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