On Being Alone.

I can't believe that it's been almost three months since Jason flew to London.

For the most part, I think I've coped pretty well. We weren't living together before he left, being both at home with our parents while saving for this adventure. We weren't together every second of every day. Heck, we didn't even see each other every day. The weekends were different though, and almost always for 'us'.

That's what I miss the most. I miss our weekends together, even if that just involved snuggling on the lounge and watching television. The first few weekends were painfully lonely, but I grew accustomed to being without him. Don't get me wrong, I still missed him like crazy, but I got by. I've kept busy. I'm alright.

Now though, the loneliness is starting to get to me. Every morning when I write the date on the blackboard at school, I realise that it's just another day where I'm by myself. If the kidlets do something funny, if something comes up that I want to whinge about, if I just need to talk, the realisation that he's not here for me when I need him; argh, it's becoming rather frustrating. And there are still months to go.

I get to talk to him practically every day - we have msn, we have skype, we have emails. But of course it's not the same as seeing him. And honestly? I feel like I don't want to offload on him, too. He's the brave one, working and living in a strange country and doing an awesome job of it. He's the one moving in to his first place alone in the next week or so. Me and my whinging are hardly important.. but it doesn't stop me from missing him, or wishing he was here. Or just for a hug.

I'm doing alright. I'm going to be fine. I am fine. But I'm allowed to indulge in my loneliness for a while every so often, right? And I hope that in the midst of Jason's life in London right now, he is missing me as much as I am missing him.


34 Comments • Labels: ,  

34 comments:

kirby said...

I bet he is.
I'm used to lonliness, so I probably can't really have much of an opinion on it - but I'd have already gone crazy if it were me who'd seen her long term boyf jet off to the other side of the world.

Lisa said...

The longest I've been away from the hubby was three months, and that was before we became a couple. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it is for you. I'm sure he's missing you just as much.

Ana said...

If you can reach him on the phone line, msn, skype, mailbox, it all...he misses you just as much, worry not.

LaLa said...

You are doing well babes, sorry if I have not been as much support to you as I could have been.

I am sure Jase misses you like a lady on a diet misses cake.

Katie said...

I'm sure he is missing you just as much. It's good that you guys have the modern communication things - much better than trying snail mail like so many people had to do back in the older days.

Kelly said...

I have no idea how you cope... seriously.
My dad's been gone for 2 and a half weeks and I'm about to totally lose my mind.
Three months! You're over halfway there!
(PS. Good luck with the dentist tomorrow! *hugs*)
Kel xoxo

Amanda said...

Awww the tone of your post seems very healthy - not too 'woe me'. And yes, you do seem fine.

Thanks for sharing xo

enny said...

I'm sure he does.

You're BOTH incredibly strong for being able to do this! I woulda been a whingey whiney mess before the first week was out.

Lia said...

Of course he misses you. I hope he's whinging at you; the effect is the same as your whinging at him, and you get to feel good about being supportive. :) You'll make it.

nancypearlwannabe said...

Of course he mises you! He's off in London wishing you were there too. You're almost there!

Kristabella said...

I'm damn sure he is.

You're so close. You've only got 2 months left. You can totally do it!

Nathan Pralle said...

I'm rather of the opinion that the fact that you're having these deep-set feelings of lonliness means that your relationship with Jas is healthy; otherwise, you'd be 'over it' by now and it wouldn't keep bothering you. A good sign for the future, I think! (as un-fun as it is now) Keep faith -- you're almost there!

rachel said...

The lonely feelings are tough, but this is a time for you to grow stronger then ever together. I pray that this time flies by until you can be together again!

Tina Vaziri said...

I'm sure he misses you boat loads. You'll be with him so soon, these last couple of months are going to fly by!

alana said...

I just had a conversation with some friends recently who all seconded your opinion that in long-distance relationships, weekends are always the hardest.

I can't imagine how difficult it must be to be so far apart right now but, seriously? Look how far you've come already! It won't be too long now until you'll be in England and everything will be fun and exciting and lovely. Hang in there, you can do it :)

Laurel said...

I think you have been amazingly non-whiny, to tell you the truth!

When I have been in a long-distance relationship, I hated it because I DETEST talking on the phone, particularly at the end of a long day. If I'm stressed out, I just want to BE with my honey... sitting on the couch, watching dumb tv, not talking. There's just no substitute.

-R- said...

The third year that my husband and I were dating, we lived in different states. It was hard, but we got through it, and I know you will too! Of course it is ok to whine sometimes and to be lonely.

cady said...

i don't know how you've done it this long. i can just imagine how hard it would be, and i don't think i could handle it. you've done so well so far and then you'll have every day to hang out together!

Michelle said...

i'm sure he misses you.

and i'm glad that you're strong being on your own like you have been because it gives me some hope that i'll be ok too. :)

Katie said...

It seems to me that you are doing a marvelous job of getting through being away from your honey. If it were me, my credit cards would be maxed out because I tend to shop when I'm lonely! Hang in there and feel free to indulge your loneliness whenever you need to. Hugs :)

Ree said...

Wow! So much I didn't know. Guess I need to go read me some archives, huh? Well, sweetie, you can whinge all you want right here, and we'll be there to give you hugs. Virtual hugs anyway, but enough virtual hugs will get you through the remaining time.

Julie said...

Aly this made me cry just a little bit.
You are so sweet and loving and caring.
I am sure that Jason is missing you and wishing that you were there with him to pick out the flat and to move and just to have you there.

Duh!
Love you girlie.

Jenny said...

Absense makes the heart grow fonder but also sucks the big one. I think Shakespeare said that.

grungedandy said...

Absence makes the heart grow founder, is very true! My poor brother and his wife had to spend the first 9 months of they’re marriage apart while the powers that be decided that he didn’t marry her just to go live in the USA! I mean it’s good and all but Britain’s not bad either honest! Anyhoo you’re doing real well and its soo not long (although it probably feels like a prison sentence at the moment LoL) keep going babe! And no singing “all by myself” aka Bridget Jones

Seeya hugya *G*

Noelle said...

Birmingham lives an hour away and I barely see him, but we both hate talking on the phone, so it works out pretty well. There are days when you just crave the cuddle, though.

mcgee said...

aww i know it's really hard right now, but just think of the great reward you're going to get! you'll get to see him beside you every morning when you wake up and every night before you go to bed. all this hardship isn't for nothing!

Natalie said...

Yes, but everyday you write on the board is one less day you have to write on the board until you get there. I'm sorry you're lonely. That sucks!

Operation Pink Herring said...

I know what you mean. Joel's gone away for a few weeks a couple of times, and I'm fine during the week... but the weekends get lonely. I never thought I'd say a weekend ws too long, but it happened.

janet said...

you're not alone...you're just really far away geographically :)

probably doesn't help huh?

Jennie said...

You are absolutely allowed to indulge. It's completely undestandable.

Lindsey said...

Wow, i can type...whoa...I meant to say I start to not feel like myself anymore. LOL

Lindsey said...

You are so strong and brave. I know how hard it is to be away from the one you love. Of course there are going to be days when you feel like everything is okay, but then other days when you just have an overwhelming feeling of loneliness. You are able to "indulge" in this feeling--of course you are! Sometimes, for no reason at all, I'll just feel so alone. It's not because of Edgar or anything like that...it's more when it's quiet at work (lately I have been kind of unmotivated and down at work) and I get that feeling. Also, if I go visit my parents and I'm away from Edgar for a week I will start missing him badly by the end of the week and it's not because I can't live without him for another day or two, but it's because I start to not feel just not myself. I know it's hard for you, but you are a trooper. Damn, was this comment totally depressing??

Jen said...

I have no doubt that he misses you, and wishes you were there for the scary times and to enjoy the journey with- but you will be soon enough. I think I sort of know how you feel, from... past experience. Even though the reliability of every weekend is a lot more like my current relationship was. It's a different sort of loneliness to when you're single. And you know you can whinge all you want to me. Even if I don't realise my phone's inbox is full and nothing is getting through *head/wall*

Janni said...

Throughout our experience working with long distance relationship couples, we had discovered that there are lots of thing that we must do and as well as refrain from doing in order to survive the relationship. Below are some of the advices that we have compiled over the years. Although they may look simple but when it comes to the actual execution, it may take more than your effort and discipline. It is your desire to survive the relationship that makes the most impact in writing the outcome of your distance relationship.





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