Running Away From It All.

I have to be honest about something; there is nothing in this world that is quite as boring as being on a diet. There, I said it. Even the dreaded 'd' word.

When you're trying to lose weight, the first few weeks are exhilerating. You monitor what is being shoved carefully placed in your mouth, you make the time to work out and you are generally pretty thrilled to see the numbers on the scale grudgingly go backwards. It's the perfect motivation, and you keep at it. You're in the zone, baby. But then . . . the novelty gradually wears off.

It's a few months later and you're a few kilograms lighter, even if your evil clothes refuse to budge sizes. You still don't enjoy exercising, even though people constantly tell you that you will eventually warm to it, and after trying all sorts of different activities. You stick with the same pattern of eating, you get paranoid about eating out and you have the tendency to blow tiny/accidental splurges into mammoth snacking sessions. It's just not fun anymore.

Oh, and the scales? They are your mortal enemy.

Hell yes, I'm talking about myself in this entry. [Results not typical.]

I've come to the point where at 11am, I just want to eat a fucking hamburger or three. I find myself glaring at people sitting in cafes who are innocently enjoying their meal without having to think about it. I think about food all of the bloody time. I put off exercising until I absolutely have to, instead of getting it over with quickly and enjoying how I feel afterwards.

And worst of all I am so, so critical of myself. I gave myself the goal of knocking Jason's socks off when I stepped off the plane on Christmas Day, but I'm nowhere near that goal. The problem with having set a standard for myself, is that I feel like crap because I haven't achieved it yet. I feel like I will be a disappointment. Since we're being honest, I'll even share my stats with you. (OhshitwhatamIdoing?)

In January, I was 95kgs. (209lbs) In September, I was 82kgs. (180lbs)

Don't get me wrong, I'm damn proud of myself for getting this far. And even if my belly roll hasn't subsided any, I do feel a lot different. It's just that here I am, months later with a long way to go. And my motivation? It has run off kicking and screaming for the hills. I'm not enjoying any part of this process anymore, and what should be some of the finer things of life are being replaced by over-thinking and over-analysing. And scarily, I'm setting myself up to fail; my subconscious is well and truly kicking my arse right now.

So, what can I do about it?

Option 1: I can whinge about it (always a great option, if you ask me) and keep things going the same way.
Option 2: I can give up (and spoil all these months of hard work, would rather not though. Obviously.)
Option 3: I can try to fix things. (Easier said than done.)

I want to get back on track, whinging along the way of course. But instead of being a food nazi, I'm going to focus more on how I move my arse.

It is with great long-winded pleasure that I introduce my October challenge; to see how many kms I can walk and run this month. And you know what? If I'm exercising, I'm totally allowed to have that damn hamburger. You just try and stop me!

31 Comments • Labels:  


Nathan Pralle said...

Two words: It. Sucks.
Can't blame you in the least for being demotivated about the entire experience. I've gone on at least two series bouts myself and am at the point where I need to try again, because I've just let myself go lately and I'm not healthier for it by any means. But it stinks, outright.
One thing I have learned, and if this helps you at all, good on it, and that is that if you gain something from each time you try to diet or change your "food life", or you gain a new skills or knowledge about how to exercise or do something correctly, you have improved. Changing your life in terms of diet and movement is a little-by-little process (unless you get on a TV show like, "Biggest Loser" or something) and you have to take each thing you now know and be proud of it, even if it doesn't seem like much.
For instance, I think a LOT more about the carbs I shove in my gullet than I used to. I actually *think* about refined sugar vs. natural. I have a new found love of whole grains and so forth. They're all little things, but they add up, because I'll never view the world the same, and that's the key to it all, I think.
Good luck -- there's always a "hump" to overcome where it seems your body won't comply, but every book and expert I've seen says that's when you have to dig down and really kick some ass, because you'll get over the hump and start dropping again, and won't that be sweet?
We all have tons of faith in you!

Teacher A said...

I'm with you on the whole diet thing. My preference has always been to exercise more so that you can eat what you like. Not to sound like a total gourmand, but good food is one of those things that makes life worth living.

Sarah said...

Diets stink.

I think you've done amazingly well *clapping hands*!! Perhaps you have gained muscle mass, which weighs more than fat (sorry, just threw out the dreaded 'f' word)?

It's happened to several people I know when dieting. They work out like crazy, eat really well, and lose next to nothing, but gain a ton of muscle.

Oh, the agony! I'm rooting for you - all the way. :)

kirby said...

I love you Alynda. You're looking hotter every time I see you.

I vote you come on the Dove Pink Starrrrrr Walk.
It won't FEEL like exercise because you'll be doing it for charity.
only i have no idea how the charity part fits in with the walking part....*confused look on face*

E :) said...

You should be proud of yourself for getting out there and trying to lose that weight. Plenty of people don't. You are a gorgeous, intelligent girl who just needs a little motivation.

What you need to do is to try and change your lifestyle, not just go on a diet. Do you have a group of people you can go exercising with? Some sort of exercise club? I think that is the key.

You are going to do it - you're already well on your way. Baby steps, girl. Baby steps.

LaLa said...

Babes, I am so proud of you, you have come so far and lost a lot of weight in a sensible way!

Weight-loss like that tends to stay off too. Ask me, the Queen of yo-yo dieters!

I read somewhere that there is no exact science to weight loss, just maybe eat less, move more.

You've got the eat less down pat, and a burger every now and then will keep you focused! x

enny said...

13kg is fantastic!!!

I know what you mean about the little blowouts turning into massive ones too ;o)

I think a large part of it is to do with changing habits, not just focussing on the short term - else it will never stick. It's said often, but if you find something you enjoy then it's not like hard work. Similarly, if you find ways to enjoy eating healthy, it's not like hard work either!

My next motivation (after losing 6kg and finding 3kg) is to read 'Skinny B*tch' - apparantly it's like having a clever older sister?! I've bought it, but still have 2.5 Harry Potters to go!

Belinda said...

stick to it!!! You look great and with this warmer weather it will be easier. I had my weigh in tonight and i was SCARED as I was a little naughty and I lost 1.1kg. I will BELT you in 2 weeks time if you dont stick to it

Ree said...

Hey. Have the hamburger. Let yourself have 1 "crave food" every week. But. Exercise extra hard that day, or give up something else.

Remember, it's consistency. Take it from someone who went from 178 to 148 - it took 2 freakin' years to lose that 30 lbs. And I worked out 5-6 days/week AND ran races. It's not easy. but you're lucky in that you're still young. Don't get to a pre-menopausal 45 before you do something. Younger = Easier.

Okay, enough preaching from me. (Love, Your new mum)

Stephanie said...

You should be proud of yourself for the nearly 30 lbs you have lost. I have difficulty maintaining motivation too. Currently I have decided that I need a new motivation. Perhaps to run a 5k or 10K or to do the elliptical for 45 minutes instead of 30. Running a race that is timed is always motivating primarily because I don't want to be embaressed when a 70 year old passes me. Pick something like that in hopes that it motivates you.

cady said...

be proud of what you've done! i'm so impressed. i know how you're my case the scale doesn't budge at all, no matter how much exercising and dieting i do, but the inches seem to drop. keep it up...maybe we can motivate each other!

Noelle said...

Personally, I'm starting to feel like there is one weight that I'm meant to be and the only way to weigh any less than that is to be miserable all the time. Especially now that there's pumpkin ice cream available down the street.

nancypearlwannabe said...

I hear you, babe. The novelty of eating yogurt every day wore off on day one. Every day after has been tedious at best, depressing at worst.

Michelle said...

alynda you are amazing. you've done such a great job so far - obviously you have the motivation!

and you know jason will love you no matter how much you've changed since he left! ;)

Kristabella said...

First, you have done AWESOME and you need to be really proud of yourself for that!

Second, we were talking about this same stuff in our Weight Watchers meeting this week. Because we all need to get it through our thick skulls that it isn't a diet. It's a lifestyle change. Because diet has too many negative connotations. And the negativity and the deprivation leads you to falling off the proverbial wagon.

It is very hard. I can't find the motivation either. But you've done it in the past so it is there. Just remember not to deprive yourself of anything (like Ree said, work out a little more if you want that cheeseburger) and don't beat yourself up. One meal at a time.

Lisa said...

Seriously, you're awesome for having done that much. I can't diet AT ALL, and won't even get off my ass and walk 20 meters to the gym.

Operation Pink Herring said...

You are so right, about everything. Dieting is SO BORING.

You do need to let yourself enjoy a burger every once in awhile. Feeling totally deprived just leads to diet failure. The key for me is to really enjoy the burger, not immediately start feeling guilty about it!

And 30 lbs would knock my socks off! That's fantastic!

Laurel said...

Yeah, running! Do it! I used my new Nike+ iPod this morning to run 5K--so it gave me my progress in kilometers and, boy was I confused.

And we all go in waves of healthy eating and exercise, so don't beat yourself up about it too much. I'm confident that you can find balance that doesn't make you feel deprived AND knock Jase's socks of in December!

elise said...

Oh my goodness, you have done AMAZINGLY well! I am totally impressed with you, Aly, you are awesome! I have to agree with everyone else who says to keep at it, have that hamburger every once in a while, and just keep the healthy eating habits and exercising habits alive. You have already lost almost 30lbs! That is a FEAT to be proud of!!

Natalie said...

You are already going to knock his socks off because he's going to be so glad to see you, no matter what. And the progress you have made so far is outstanding! Keep up the good work, and yes; if you are exercising you CAN have that hamburger, or anything else for that matter. My favorite place here has these delicious pasta dishes that I like to inhale the night before a long run (which it has been a long time....)

Eric said...

I totally know where you're at. It took me over 4 years to lose all the weight I needed to and the amount of willpower required to stay on track in monumental.

Here's a post somewhat relating to my journey on my blog:

The picture on the bottom with the guy holding up jeans is me.

Stick with it. Push through the hard times. Maybe reassess your diet and make sure it's something easy to follow but still enjoyable. Introduce some not-so-great foods (but not-so-bad either) back into your diet. Slow, sustainable progress is better than falling off altogether.

Coming out on the other end victorious is an indescribable feeling and every morning you wake up feeling like you can conquer the world.

Just a quick mentioned focusing more on moving your ass vs. the food you eat. Don't. Your diet is the most important and will help you shed weight the fastest. I lost half my weight (65lbs) w/out lifting a finger for exercise, it was all diet. If you need to shed some weight, you must, MUST, focus on the diet first and foremost. The last half required just a little bit of exercise, but nothing strenuous. Again, it's all diet.

Congratulations on your progress so far, KEEP IT UP! :)

Julie said...

Guess What.

I will accept your challenge and do it with you!
I want to start walking to and from work, (about 6 miles round trip) and now that its getting cooler out I totally will.

I started this Go Walking program through my healthcare program, and they're supposed to send me a pedometer so as soon as I get that I will able to seriously record all I walk.

I hate having to make to food choices also, so maybe at least starting the exercise part will help... What do you think?

Chiada said...

You go, girl! You've lost 29 pounds?!? That's awesome! Congratulations to you! Keep up the good work! I know how hard it is to lose weight. I'm 5'10" and I weigh quite a bit more than your starting weight. I've been walking for 5 weeks now, but I have not lost a pound. However, my body does seem to have rearranged itself and I feel a bit slimmer in some spots, but not enough to have lost any weight or to get into smaller clothes. GRRRR. I know it's hard... just keep on at it. And don't deny yourself that hamburger or those sweets. Just keep them in moderation, ya know?

I decided that my "goal" is not to lose a certain amount of weight by a certain date. Because I always end up disappointed, like you. Instead, I decided that I'm doing this for my health. So that I don't end up getting diabetes in my later years, or heart disease, Alzheimers, stroke, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and all those illnesses associates with being "obese". It's really helped me to keep on going with my walking and watching what I eat. I just tell myself that any weight I lose along the way of acheiving good health is an added bonus.

Cheers to your success thus far! Keep it up, baby!

Nic (bridehood) said...

Hey, I'm in awe of you. You've lost 29 pounds? That is AWESOME. And you're running? Holy hell. I don't run. (The boobs, they do not like.)It's hard and it sucks and it's awful and somehow it's worth it. Now, mind you, I keep talking about dieting, but I never really start, or I start and then whine about how much I hate it and quit. And then I drink red wine. Keep it up so I have someone to look up to. Or, if you're interested, we could be transcontinental exercise buddies.

Marianne said...

Isn't that the point of exercising, so you can eat? The Targo (well, he's from skinny people, so maybe a lousy example) started running just so he could eat. I totally support that logic.

Good luck to you, Aly. And quite frankly, I think you're beautiful!

heidikins said...

Good for you girly! You are amazing!

Love ya

Brie said...

You go girl! I've been stuck for a little while, but I'm getting compliments and have upped my workouts to 5 days a week. Maybe that will help me get past this plateau.

janet said...

girlfriend, you should be really proud of that progress! sometimes when you are in the middle of a diet it's hard to really celebrate. you still focus on the imperfections, the distance you still have to travel. but I PROMISE you, that if you creep back up (and I have, I know) then you will realize how far you had made it. (Does that make sense?) Don't give up!! I'm right there with you!

E :) said...

BTW, because you're losing weight slowly and sensibly, you have a much better chance of keeping the change permanent. You're actually losing fat and not just fluid. You are going to be much better off for doing what you're doing than just going on a fad diet.

You go girl!

Margaret said...

I so completely hate the word diet, and I refuse to go on one for any reason. I will cut back on my food but won't cut out. I'm afraid if I do then I will never be able to enjoy anything that I've always loved.

As far as getting demotivated, I completely get that. My suggestion would be to change up your exercise a bit. Try alternating routines so you don't get as bored with one.

I really like Windsor Pilates. It's fast, easy and not completely horrible. But a good elliptical exercise can kick your butt into shape a bit faster. Just some food for thought.

lisa said...

mine's gone too. and I eat like a {guinea} pig. he seriousky eats all the time. anyway, i need to move my arse as well. since I have no way to measure how far i go, i'll join you on the challenge on see how many days i exercise. so far i am 0 for 3. =)

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