A Rephrase Might Be Necessary.

A couple of weeks ago, I came out and stated that I was a pretty mellow girlfriend when push came to shove. Yeah, well, fast forward to today, where I've decided that I'm taking it all back. Bugger putting up that cool, non-plussed exterior.

As of right now? I feel like a big, gigantic mess.

The final realisation that I won't actually be seeing Jason for six months is pissing me off.
The fact that my brain and heart are over-reacting to trivial things is pissing me off.
The questions that people ask about long distance relationships are pissing me off.
The comments that people make about long distance relationships are pissing me off.

In fact, the idea that I'll actually be a part of a long distance relationship in just a few short weeks, is sounding less and less appealing as each day goes past. Last night, my dreams centred around my wedding, and it seemed as though everything was falling apart. In the dream I was so out of the loop, that I remember sitting (dressed in bridal attire) at the top of my staircase, just asking the people dashing around me exactly where I was getting married today? And how were we getting there? And who am I marrying again? You know it's not looking good when even your dreams are flustered.

I don't like turning into a paranoid freak. I don't like reading into every single thought that flings into my head. I don't like questioning myself or Jason, especially when I know things will work out in the end and I'm comfortable with that.

It's just that right now, at this second? I've turned into that person.

And it scares me.

16 Comments • Labels: , ,  


Lara said...

sweetie, it's okay to be a little bit anxious. just so long as you can hold on to the big picture and the moments of anxiety can pass as brief breaks. your relationship is strong, and i'm sure you guys will do well.

big hugs to you.

Jen said...

Ignore the idiots that question your relationship. Especially the random people who barely know you. It isn't their relationship, they don't know. Don't let them make you feel bad. When it comes to the time you're going over there to meet up with him, that feeling is gonna make up for the months by yourself. Seeing each other again will be so amazing. I understand the things that worry you about being apart, as a fellow worrier. However you have been together long enough that a few months apart isn't that significant. It is only temporary, an end is in sight.

Jenny*in*London said...

Long distance is so hard - but you can do it. One of my best friends from university and her boyfriend dated for three years, lived together for two, then she moved to New York. They lived apart for three more years - now they're engaged and moving back in together. She freely admits that the long distance thing sucked - but knowing it was temporary made it all worthwhile.

Good luck!!

Tasmiya said...

Aww Aly. Your relationship can survive this. Trust me. Husband and I carried on a LDR for 4 years (3 years without actually seeing each other) and are still the best of friends and I feel we never take each other for granted because we know how long we waited for each other.

You will be ok. I just know it.

VirginiaGal said...

If my DH was leaving for six months, for any reason, I would be a major cranky-pants myself.

No assvice, just an internet hug.

julie said...

One Day at a time Aly.
One day at a time.

I'm here for ya.

Laurel said...

Anyone would be feeling lots of mixed emotions in your position! I'm sure that all the nosy people are just trying to seem interested... but, still, I've been there and I know it sucks. However, you guys will get through it. Six months will fly by!

Lindsey said...

I know how you feel. I've been there before. It sucks, but everything will work itself out...promise. You are so sweet and gorgeous and you deserve only the best!!

Lindsey said...

HAHA that one comment had LDR in it and I was like, what?? Those are my initials! I am a loser, yes.

heidikins said...

Love you girly!! ***HUGS***


Aimee said...

I agree with everyone else - Jenny in London especially. You guys are great together, you love each other, and you will make it work. But you're entitled to some cranky-pants-ness. I would be the same way in your situation.

janet said...

Maybe you can set a few goals of things you really and truly want to do for yourself while he is away? Try to make it a positive experience (somehow?). I know it really sucks :(

B said...

Awww, Aly! If you ever need to whine about being in a LDR let me know. I'll listen.
Sometimes its very hard to get the assvice from people. If you need to whine about that, let me know. I'll listen.
P.S. I usually become a crankypants toward the end of a visit with CP. Or I cry. A lot.

angela said...

Oh, Aly! You poor thing! I've personally never done the long distance thing before so I'm absolutely no help, but I'm a fellow worrier so I can understand how much you are dreading this. At least you have this little glowing box you can type all of your feelings into, right? And lots of people who will listen intently.

Viviane said...

You can do it. You have an exact time frame how long it will take till you are together again, which makes things a lot easier, and you will both be busy working, and you can call each other and maybe get a webcam, and stay in touch so easily with the internet. And time will fly more quickly than you'd think.

Audrey said...

Sounds to me like your feelings are totally normal. I second everyone's comments -- you guys will get totally great, even though it totally sucks right now. In the meantime, maybe pour yourself a drink and a nice hot bubble bath?

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