Tummy Correspondence.

Dear Squishy McMidsection,

I was just about to mention how it has been a while since I've written to you, when I suddenly realised that I've never actually written you a letter before. I've fed you an awful lot, whined about you even more and cried over you a fair few times, but we've shared no letters. It's about time we solved that problem, don't you think?

Alas, I have a bone to pick with you, my dear Midsection. A bone that revolves around your stubbornness. It's causing problems and I can't say that I'm entirely happy with you at the present time.  You see, while we may have been friends in the past, it's time for a change. We need to have a parting of the ways, so to speak. I wish to be your friend no longer. This might be a little hard for you to accept after all these years, but it's time.

I'm doing my absolute best to make this break as easy as possible. I'm trying to exercise nearly every day. I'm trying to limit myself from junk food, so you're not lulled into a false sense of security. Heck, I'm even searching high and low for my old friend, Lazy Abdominals, so you get the hint that you've been replaced. But despite all of my efforts, Midsection, you're still hanging (quite literally) around. Barring surgery, what more does a girl have to do to get rid of you?

I think it's time, old friend, that you accept the fact that I don't want you anymore, and disappear. I'd like to have a waist sometime before I'm thirty.

Yours in health (& vanity)

Aly

[And now for one last plea for advice for "The List" before it's put together.]


11 Comments • Labels:  

11 comments:

alana said...

Bah. I hear ya!

(I should also note that I have now resorted to using the good ol' denial tactic when it comes to thinking about wearing that pesky bathing suit I bought the other day. Damn you, belly jiggle! Do you think I can just photoshop my vacation photos so it looks like my tummy is perfectly flat and toned?)

kirby said...

I'd like to add...
Stalk Kirby
to your list of things to do.
And I've just noticed that in your picture... you kind of look like Katherine Heigl. (or however you spell her name)

Julie said...

That was brilliant!

I hope it listens to you.

cady said...

i am with you. i'm upping my exercise so my pesky tummy will go bye-bye. good luck!

Carrie said...

Dear Alyndabear,

You need me. Abdominals will make you look sick. You know that thing called a six pack. Not so sexy. You'll see.

Okay, please please keep me. I'll be good and not ask for anything. But if I must go, tell Abdominals that we could have worked together.

Love,
Squishy McMidsection

Eris said...

I gave this letter to my Squishy McMidsection but it just blew me off and requested cake.

Rambler said...

Squishy McMidsection, oooh what a name :)..
So now I am curious, what did he reply...

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